OFTEN it’s the craziest articles that are the most difficult to write about. We were going to skip this one, but we decided that its extreme craziness is what makes it noteworthy. We’re bringing it to your attention as a classic example of creationism.
Evolution can become so ingrained in our thinking that we don’t even notice it. Our government schools and universities are entrenched in evolution, from biology to philosophy and even English class. There is no escaping evolution after we graduate, either. We encounter it in the newspaper, on the radio, on television, and in blockbuster movies. So, how do you know if you’ve been evolutionized? Here are a few questions to find out:
We’ll get to the questions soon, but first let’s read what AIG says after the questions:
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you’ve been evolutionized to some degree, and the more times you responded “yes,” the more evolution impacts your thinking. Evolutionary teaching so permeates our culture that it can affect every area of our thinking, including what we believe about the Bible. This sort of evolutionized thinking has even permeated our churches.
Okay, got it? “Yes” answers indicate that “you’ve been evolutionized to some degree,” and the more “Yes” answers you give, the more you’ve been evolutionized. A good creationist should answer “No” to everything. Here are the questions, each followed by Curmudgeonly commentary:
1. Are tribes in the South American rain forest more primitive forms of humans than we are?
Answering “Yes” would be absurd, but according to AIG, that’s the expected answer for those who have been “evolutionized.” We’re all racists, doncha know.
2. Did dinosaurs live before humans?
Answering “No” would be an almost certain indicator of end-stage brain death, which means it’s the creationist answer.
3. Were the people who lived in caves and used simple tools not very intelligent?
Question 3 is tricky. Well, it’s also dumb, but it’s tricky too. You need to know that the creationists at AIG claim that Neanderthals weren’t another species — they were the same as us — a “group of people which split off from other groups following the Babel dispersion.” See: Neandertal Man—the changing picture.
4. Did Noah lack special tools or equipment to build the Ark?
We’ll answer that with a question of our own — Does the tooth fairy wear a loin cloth?
5. Are the stars older than the earth?
This is just too stupid. There are old stars, and there are stars that are forming even as we speak, but it appears that AIG doesn’t know about that, so we’ll disregard it. Assuming (as AIG obviously does) that all the stars are identical, we know how far away they are, and how long it’s taken for their light to get to us, so answering “No” — as a good creationist should — would be another indicator of end-stage brain death.
6. Is there more than one race?
Question 6 is tricky. Anthropologists are still debating the meaning of “race” in connection with humans. Many (perhaps most, we’re not sure) now say that the whole concept of human races is biologically meaningless; but others disagree. So a “Yes” answer indicates what? We’re not sure, but to the creationists at AIG, this question is a crude attempt to equate “Darwinism” with racism. It’s the same with question number 1.
But two can play that game. They want to call us racists? Okay, how about this:
If one is a creationist, then he believes in Adam and Eve. So ask creationists if Adam’s sons “knew” their sisters. After all, there was no other way for the children of Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. Therefore, creationists obviously approve of incest. Isn’t this fun? Okay, let’s move along:
7. Does it take millions of years to form fossils, oil, coal, or diamonds?
You know what to do with that one. And we’ll leave it to you to decide what you’re going to do with the last question:
8. Did Adam have to learn how to speak, read, and write after he was created?
Strange list of questions, isn’t it? Okay now, be honest — Are you evolutionized? Don’t worry, we’re not keeping score.
Here’s our last excerpt from near the end of AIG’s article:
That [evolutionized thinking] is why it is more important than ever for Christians to be discerning and weigh every thought against the truths revealed in God’s Word. If you examine each question more closely, you will see how your answers must be different from evolutionists’ if you start with God’s Word.
There you are, dear reader — full-blown creationism, in all its glory. We can’t think of anything else to say.
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