Darwin, Satan, & the Illuminati

In our tireless quest for news of The Controversy, we spotted what seemed to be a likely candidate — an article claiming some connection between Darwin and Satan. But there are places on the internet that even we won’t go, so first we looked at the source — something called NewsWithViews. It rang a bell, or it seemed to, so we clicked onto the article. Whoa, baby!

We had stumbled into a website that seems to be even crazier than WorldNetDaily. In fact, now that we’ve been there we’re expecting a knock at the door from Homeland Security. But before they haul your Curmudgeon away, we’ll let you know what we found.

First, here’s the home page of NewsWithViews. We haven’t studied the place in any depth, nor do we plan to, but its appearance screams: “Come on in — we’re all crazy here!”

We looked for them in Wikipedia, but that wasn’t too informative. They say:

NewsWithViews.com is an American conservative website with advertisement, news analysis, and opinion articles. It is based in Merlin, Oregon. It has well-known politicians for columnists. It has a Christian right and constitutionalist political orientation.

And so, dear reader, we present some excerpts from DEMOCRATIC TYRANTS RULE THE U.S., which appears at the website of NewsWithViews. It’s by Sheriff Jim R. Schwiesow, Ret., whose byline says: “46 years in law enforcement.” That’s how long this guy has been running around with a badge and a gun.

If, after finishing here, you find yourself thirsting for more from Jimbo, you’ll be thrilled to know that he has his own website: which seems visually inspired by the Time Cube or something.

Anyway, that’s enough introduction. Here’s a bit of Sheriff Jim’s article in NewsWithViews. The bold font was added by us:

The people of this country, and in fact of the entire world, are witnessing the concluding constituents of an ancient and diabolical plan, an infernal contrivance that is as evil and fiendish as the spirit behind it, Satan the god of this world. … It is a demonic – formerly clandestine and now forthright – sinister weaving together of finance religion and politics by the Order of the Illuminati an order that envelopes and encompasses the earthly sons of Satan.

Okay, Jim boy. Calm down! We just dropped in for the Darwin stuff. Let’s get to that:

Hitler’s Third Reich, Mussolini’s Fascist Dictatorship and the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, as well as a host of other European and world tyrannical movements, were all brought to fruition by, and as a consequence of, the godless, occultist, humanistic and demonist maneuverings of the Illuminati – now a worldwide satanic endeavor.

Really, Jim, we’ve seen enough of that! We want evolution! Let’s read on:

What better way to blaspheme God than to reduce man, who was created in the image of God to an animalistic nature? It was Satan who worked through his servant Charles Darwin to propagate the lie of evolution, and it was Satan who, through his children of the Illuminati, brought this monumental and monstrous lie to ascendancy, in the hearts and minds of men, over the truths of the Bible.

Aha! Way to go, Jimbo! We knew you could do it. That was fantastic! We want more!

… and it was dear folk the Illuminati that financed the election campaign of the itinerant Kenyon born Marxist usurper that sits in the office of presidency of the United States of America.

No, no, not Obama — we want Darwin! That’s why we’re here. Let’s keep looking:

The Club of Rome, founded by the Illuminati in 1968, has divided the world into ten political/economic regions: … This tells me that we are in the very late stages of Biblical prophecy. In Satan’s new world order these regions will be amalgamated into the whole of a world government under the dragon’s iron control.

We read through to the end. Sorry — no more Darwin. It’s sufficient to know that he’s tied into all this Illuminati stuff. But then, you’ve always suspected as much, haven’t you?

Hey, if you’d like some political balance, we can always remind you about Discovery Institute & Pravda: Soul Mates. What this means is that when you get to the extreme edge of either side of the political spectrum, it’s all the same.

Copyright © 2009. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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18 responses to “Darwin, Satan, & the Illuminati

  1. The good sheriff does seem to be just a wee bit off the rails. Imagine what he will do when he discovers that The Illuminati control his underwear? (I really shouldn’t tease him like that, he does have a gun.)

  2. Well, damn — it looks like Sheriff Jimbo has finally exposed the inner workings of the nefarious Darwintern!

  3. Great Claw, you’ve revealed everything!

  4. Ah, the old Darwin/Satan/Illuminati Axis of Evil!…. coming to a movie theater near you soon.

  5. Damn! Jim makes Ken Ham and Casey Luskin sound entirely reasonable in comparison. Then what do you expect from a website who’s current poll question is “What news media source do you trust the most?” and 93.5% pick Fox.

  6. lewis thomason

    I love it. Went straight to my kooks folder along with” wing nut daily”. Every one needs a good laugh if you can keep from crying .

  7. Darwin Satan’s “servant”? I thought he was his “only begotten son”. ;-)

    Note that “Kenyon” (as in “Pandas” author Dean) is in the original. But I have to admit that “birthers” might be on to something. Sometimes it is hard to believe that certain people were born in this country – or anywhere else on the planet.

  8. Frank J says: “Sometimes it is hard to believe that certain people were born in this country – or anywhere else on the planet.”

    Such things usually come from Uranus.

  9. Holy crap! Definitely not the person I’d want representing the law in my county. Of course, I’m a little confused. According to Revelations, all these things are supposed to herald the Return, right? Then why are all these nutbars against the intermediate steps? I’d think they be rushing to get the world all eviled up to hasten things along. Guess logic isn’t exactly a worthwhile process for these guys.

  10. Albanaeon says: “Guess logic isn’t exactly a worthwhile process for these guys.”

    I don’t think he’s all that different from other creationists. Just more outspoken.

  11. The Curmudgeon noted

    I don’t think he’s all that different from other creationists.

    Agreed.

    I just wonder what his FReeper name is.

  12. Great Claw says: “I just wonder what his FReeper name is.”

    He could be any one of thousands over there. But I just noticed something. He didn’t talk about immigration or sex. That’s very suspicious. I suspect he’s one of those closeted illegal alien pre-verts.

  13. The Curmudgeon raised the alarming prospect

    I suspect he’s one of those closeted illegal alien pre-verts.

    In which case, guard your Precious Bodily Fluids!

  14. I’m a Christian and a liberal who voted Obama and I don’t believe in this global goverment illuminati stuff. For fun I linked to that website and it is way right and out there. Perhaps the writer read one too many Umberto Eco novels?

  15. Benjamin Franklin

    Mr. President, we must not allow… an Illuminati stuff gap!

  16. The truth is that the theory of evolution is based on huge assumptions about things that happened in the unobservable past. (Remember that the scientific method requires observation and repeatable research). So calling evolution “science” doesn’t make any sense.

  17. Gabriel Hanna

    The truth is that the theory of evolution is based on huge assumptions about things that happened in the unobservable past. (Remember that the scientific method requires observation and repeatable research). So calling evolution “science” doesn’t make any sense.

    Are you in fifth grade, sir? Because that definition of science is about appropriate for fifth grade.

    Do you believe that it is impossible for detectives to discover who committed a murder? After all, the murder happened in the unobservable past, and no one observed the murder, right?

    Why do you have one rule for evolution and another rule for all the other sciences?