ONCE again, dear reader, we beg you to indulge your Curmudgeon as we engage in a bit of parody. Having observed the chicanery of creationists, we have learned that their style of argument can be applied to virtually anything. Behold, our refutation of the theory of Darwinian Emancipation.
1. Charles Darwin, not satisfied with unleashing his theory of evolution on the world, also opposed slavery and advocated universal emancipation — properly called Darwinian Emancipation. See: Hatred of slavery drove Darwin.
2. Darwinian Emancipation is “just a theory.” It has never been proved. Emancipation theory is nothing but an atheistic belief based on arbitrary presuppositions.
3. Darwinian Emancipation isn’t in the Ten Commandments. To the contrary, Exodus 20:17 says:
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor’s.
4. Not only is slavery not forbidden in the Bible, it is specifically authorized. For example, the King James Version says, in Leviticus 25, verses 44-46:
Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of the heathen that are round about you; of them shall ye buy bondmen and bondmaids.
Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy, and of their families that are with you, which they begat in your land: and they shall be your possession.
And ye shall take them as an inheritance for your children after you, to inherit them for a possession; they shall be your bondmen for ever: but over your brethren the children of Israel, ye shall not rule one over another with rigour.
5. There are also pro-slavery passages in the New Testament. For example, in the New International Version, Ephesians 6:5-6:
Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart.
6. Throughout history, slaves were sometimes set free on an individual basis. Such events are known as micro-emancipation. Until Darwin, no society ever committed or even conceived of macro-emancipation — widespread, universal emancipation. Darwinian Emancipation is a product of the Godless, materialist Enlightenment and the naturalistic worldview it encouraged.
7. Before Darwin and the Enlightenment, all great scientists recognized the merit of slavery. Aristotle believed that slavery was both natural and rational. In Politics, Book 1 he wrote:
But is there any one thus intended by nature to be a slave, and for whom such a condition is expedient and right, or rather is not all slavery a violation of nature?
There is no difficulty in answering this question, on grounds both of reason and of fact. For that some should rule and others be ruled is a thing not only necessary, but expedient; from the hour of their birth, some are marked out for subjection, others for rule.
8. There is no scientific evidence that Darwinian Emancipation has improved society. To the contrary, before the Enlightenment and Darwin there were no world wars or any of the other horrors of the last century.
9. Darwinian Emancipation requires the use of petroleum-powered agricultural machinery, which contributes to global warming.
10. Darwinian Emancipation is destructive of family values. It upsets the natural order and leads to a purposeless, chaotic world where people are free to wander at random and disrupt society. The result has been sexual promiscuity, homosexuality, divorce, and other forms of amoral behavior.
11. Darwinian Emancipation causes unemployment and poverty. No Darwin, no Great Depression.
12. Darwinian Emancipation violates the Second Law of Thermodynamics.
13. Many respected scientists are not only questioning evolution, they are increasingly questioning emancipation. But but they don’t speak out publicly for fear of being Expelled.
14. It takes more faith to believe in Darwinian Emancipation than it does to believe in the Tooth Fairy.
15. Darwinian Emancipation is a theory in crisis! More and more scientists are abandoning emancipation because they know it isn’t supported by evidence. In ever-increasing numbers they are rejecting Darwin and turning to BBT — Biblical Bondage Theory.
Postscript: There’s a risk that some readers won’t understand what we’re saying here, because this isn’t one of our familiar parodies that uses creationist apologetics to argue against the Wright Brothers or for Rodan. In this one we’re not merely mocking creationist methods, we’re describing their actual goals. It’s worth the risk.
[For previous posts in this series, see: The Scientific Case Against Craterism, and then The Scientific Case Against Powered Flight, and then The Scientific Case Against Atom Bombism, and we'll toss in Two Plus Two Equals Three.]
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