Ken Ham Denounces “Bathtub Arks”

This post is a fine companion to one we wrote at the start of the year: ICR Denounces Noah’s Ark Game. But this time the fire and brimstone aren’t coming from the Institute for Creation Research.

Now it’s the turn of Answers in Genesis. As you know, AIG is one of the major sources of young-earth creationist wisdom. It’s the online creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the Australian entrepreneur who has become the ayatollah of Appalachia.

Look what we found at ol’ Hambo’s personal blog: “Bathtub Arks” Are Dangerous. Dangerous? What’s the danger of a “bathtub ark”? Is Hambo worried that a kid might eat one? Well, no, that’s not the problem. Here’s what Hambo has to say about such things, with bold font added by us:

Many times over the years, I have warned parents about using pictures of what we call “bathtub arks” with their children. Such pictures, usually with giraffes sticking out the top in a small unrealistic boat overloaded with animals, are sadly the norm in many Christian children’s books that deal with the topic of Noah and the Ark. I have warned parents that such pictures are “cute but dangerous.” Why?

Again we see that ominous word, danger. Well, your Curmudgeon doesn’t hide from danger, so let us boldly proceed with Hambo’s article:

The secularists do all they can to mock God’s Word and in an effort to capture the hearts and minds of children so they will not believe the Bible and its saving message of the gospel. The secularists accuse Christians of believing fairy tales if they accept the Genesis account of Creation, Fall, and Flood as written — as true historical records. And really, when we allow children to think Noah’s Ark looked like one of these “bathtub Arks,” we are reinforcing the false idea that the account of the Ark was just a fairy tale.

By golly — he’s right! The Ark wasn’t meant to be a toy in a bathtub! Let’s read on:

Over the years, I’ve found many churches have “bathtub arks” depicted on the walls of their kindergarten area, in their children’s Sunday school classrooms, etc. In my writings, I plead with leaders in the church to remove these — what I consider to be dangerous to the spiritual well-being of children.

Wow — kiddy pictures of the Ark are literally “dangerous to the spiritual well-being of children.” We can’t imagine what Hambo thinks of Santa Claus.

Hambo has a picture at his blog of the sort of illustration he has in mind, but it’s probably best if we don’t copy it — it might corrupt you. He continues:

We need instead to show children that Noah’s Ark was a real ship — a great ship — with plenty of room to fit the land animal kinds, and seaworthy to survive a global Flood. That’s why at Answers in Genesis and in our materials, we show Noah’s Ark according to the dimensions in the Bible and as a real seaworthy ship:

Hambo is right. Everyone else is wrong. It must be nice to be so holy. Here’s how he finishes:

Let’s make an effort to “sink” the “bathtub arks” and make sure we use it as an illustration of a real ship of biblical dimensions.

We agree with Hambo. After all, Noah’s Ark is one of the most sacred objects in all of Christendom. Go forth, dear reader, and tear down the false images! Burn them! You know it’s the right thing to do.

Copyright © 2012. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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23 responses to “Ken Ham Denounces “Bathtub Arks”

  1. I have to say that the “bathtub” actually looks a bit more seaworthy. Or at least more likely to float, albeit upside down.

  2. Funny how ‘two of every animal’ has changed into ‘two of every animal kind.’ Evolved, if you will.

  3. Perhaps we should start selling more realistic “bath tub arks” complete with the dead bodies of millions of men, women, and children, and all the other animals on the Earth at the time (expect of course to 2 or 7 on the actual ark). We could even sell bloody satchels to add more realism to the scene. Bath time has never been so much fun.

  4. Ham debunks “Bathtub Arks”, I denounce his “Oil Tanker Arks” cause that’s exactly what he modeled his version of Noah’s Ark after which is much longer than 450x75x45 ark as described in modern versions of the Bible.

  5. And while we’re at it, let’s stop promoting the idea that mice wear little pairs of red pants and drive automobiles, and beagles wear WWI aviator caps and can pilot their doghouses like Sopwith Camels. There’s nothing in the Bible that suggests any such a thing. Talking snakes, yes – but flying beagles, never!

  6. @NeonNoodle :

    “Talking snakes, yes”

    And lets remember that snakes also had to be cursed by God before they had to slither.

  7. Was Ham ever a kid? Sheesh.

    So no bathtub arcs, but, apparently, unicorns and dragons are perfectly alright.

  8. Ed asks: “Was Ham ever a kid?”

    That’s one of those “Were you there?” questions No one knows. I don’t think I ever had a bathtub ark. A duck, maybe, but no ark.

  9. I had one once, but my Mom made me get rid of it. She got tired of cleaning all that crap out of the tub.

  10. When I was a little kid, a relative gave me an illustrated book of Bible stories. The bathtub ark, with all the animals lined up in 2′s in a queue to get on board, had an effect on me. The animals lined up in 2′s in a queue struck me as repulsive and unnatural. I knew animals would never line up like that, unless God by magic took over their brains and made them into zombies or automatons. That was a disturbing notion, God making animals into robots just so he cold kill almost all of mankind. If God was good to make animals into automatons, then the adults who gave me that book thought they were doing good as they were trying to make me into an automaton believing whatever nonsense they spew.

    I thought adults were trying to brainwash me into believing nonsense, for specific, personal reasons. It didn’t make me disbelieve God, it made me disbelieve adults.

  11. I don’t want to live in a world where I can’t hear, “Touché Turtle away!”

    And what about Thomas the Tank Engine? He’s not real?”

  12. So he’s noticed that this one thing is implausible. Well, there’s hope. Maybe he’ll eventually notice the implausibility of a ship big enough to hold a million-plus animal species (plus food for all of them for months), the re-emergence of every species from one pair with no inbreeding problems, the re-dispersal of all those animals from one point to the various continents in a few centuries, where all the water came from and where it went, etc.

    Of course, if God could evade all those problems with a few miracles, he could just as well fit millions of animals in a bathtub. So there.

  13. Mister Chelsea's Dad

    Ken Ham has already demonstrated how seaworthy he thinks his planned recreation of the Ark will be by the fact that it will always rest on dry land, and will never need to actually float on any body of water for any length of time.

  14. Of course, we’ll have to wait ’til 2014 to see Russell Crowe as the big screen Noah, and maybe get a glimpse of the “Giant Og.”

    http://blogs.indiewire.com/theplaylist/first-official-look-at-darren-aronofskys-noah-will-the-film-feature-the-giant-og-20120810

  15. Pete Moulton

    Diogenes: “I knew animals would never line up like that, unless God by magic took over their brains and made them into zombies or automatons.”

    We know gods only do that to their believers.

  16. A bathtub ark will skew a child’s view about as much as Barney the lovable (ok debatable…) purple dinosaur will affect their view of paleontology. I’d tell Ol’ Hambo there is no such thing as bad publicity. Such toys make the Noah’s Ark story part of the zeitgeist and that is good for him and his cause.

  17. Ceteris Paribus

    ol Hambo says: “We need instead to show children that Noah’s Ark was a real ship…”

    ol Hambo has a valid point there, and I hope he gets the job done, and quickly. Just think how the real ark will save untold millions of bathtub ark kids from turning to lives of crime, drugs, sex, atheism, and even rock and roll. As happened to their grand parents, who only got a cheezy plastic replica of the promised Official Captain Midnight secret message decoder pin in return for mailing in two Ovaltine labels. Not to mention the seven weeks wait for it to arrive in the mail. Damn you, Captain Midnight!

  18. @eryops:

    “Funny how ‘two of every animal’ has changed into ‘two of every animal kind.’ Evolved, if you will.”

    The last refuge of the apologist is to redefine the meaning of words.

  19. Wow, of all the problems with that story…

    Can’t wait for the creationist reaction to Russell Crowe in “Noah.”

  20. The biggest problem (in my mind) with the flood story as theology is that it is so unnecessary. If God is as omnipotent as he is described to be, he could have simply caused a few million people to die suddenly by simultaneous heart attacks, or even by the same spooky method he used to kill all the firstborn children of Egypt. He could have done a sort of reverse rapture – instead of taking them to heaven he could have sent them all to hell. God had lots of ways to kill humans, so why did he choose a method that killed all the animals too? Why did he destroy the ecosystem? That is a lot of collateral damage, and for what purpose? The bible does not explain.

    Also, he put Noah and his family through hell, and he considered them virtuous. What was the point in that? Is it like the Job story, where he tortured Job as part of a bet? Was he just showing off? If one takes the story seriously, the character of God as revealed in the story is very disturbing.

  21. Ed says: “God had lots of ways to kill humans, so why did he choose a method that killed all the animals too?”

    You may take comfort in knowing that his wrath seems to be diminishing: The Law of Diminishing Consequences.

  22. Because the “bathtub Ark” picture is the biggest problem people are having with taking the Bible literally. [/sarcasm]

  23. How big was Bill Cosby’s ark? (“what’s a cubit?”)