Our Labor Day tranquility was shattered by blaring sirens and lights flashing on the wall display of our Retard-o-tron™. The blinking letters on the wall said WorldNetDaily.
WorldNetDaily (WND) is the flamingly creationist, absolutely execrable, moronic, and incurably crazed journalistic organ that believes in and enthusiastically promotes every conspiracy theory that ever existed. WND was an early winner of the Curmudgeon’s Buffoon Award, thus that jolly logo displayed above this post.
It was just a few days ago that we posted WND: Ray Comfort Disputes Bill Nye. But that wasn’t enough for WND. It was only the start of their hysterical reaction against the video in which Bill Nye Blasts Creationism.
Their new article is Bill Nye the Abacus Guy. That title appears beneath WND’s “Evolution Watch” banner, which always gets our Curmudgeonly attention. The mere existence of that journalistic category tells us all we need to know about the intellectual standing of WND. That banner is enough to trigger our Retard-o-tron™.
The author of the article is Andrew Longman. He’s described as “a Christian and an applied scientist.” We know — you’re wondering “What’s an applied scientist?” You’re about to find out. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us:
Nye, a man who likes to claim he’s a pre-eminent scientist because he has a bachelor’s degree, is breathing hate-filled bigotry at people of religious conscience, in the name of science. I searched in vain for a publication on a serious scientific subject with Nye’s name in the author list. All I could really come up with is that he patented a ballet slipper and an abacus.
I’m not kidding. He patented an abacus.
To support that, Longman links to Bill Nye’s Curriculum Vitae. But we note that Longman doesn’t link to his own. We searched for Nye’s patent and found this: United States Patent 399,522 — Digital Abacus. Longman’s article continues:
Bill Nye the Abacus Guy claims, with a straight face, that evolution-deniers are taking us backward in scientific progress. Meanwhile, greatly advanced Mister Nye has successfully patented upgrades to the single most primitive calculational device known to man, a hot item obsoleted several millennia before the iPhone. He is a liberal progressive. Did I mention all his doctorates were “honorary”?
Is this guy ever going to tell us about the wonders of creationism? Let’s read on:
Fifty years ago, “scientists” like Nye asserted confidently that all human beings obviously descended from hundreds of thousands of different lines of apes. In other words, every human being on the planet had come from thousands of genetic monkey-parents, and anyone who believed otherwise was a fool. Creationists were ridiculed without mercy for asserting bluntly that all human beings descended from one human male and one human female – one line – mere thousands of years ago.
Evolution says we’re descended from “hundreds of thousands of different lines of apes”? Wow — this guy really knows what he’s talking about! We continue:
Today? The fact, established by secular, canonical science, has shown that all humanity descended from one human female, thousands of years ago.
He’s talking about Mitochondrial Eve. Hers is the only purely matrilineal line that goes back that far. Other ancestral females — her contemporaries — sometimes had only male descendants, which broke their matrilineal line, but they’re also our ancestors. In our considerable experience, not even the craziest creationist websites claim that Mitochondrial Eve was Mrs. Adam. Oops — that’s wrong. We found this at ICR: Mother of All Humans Lived 6,000 Years Ago. Here’s more from WND:
Will Bill Nye now apologize to Jews and Christians for ridiculing Eve as an unscientific fable? Despite the fact that real scientists who actually do science say that all human beings descended from one human male father less than 60,000 years ago, Nye pretends Macro-Evolution is winning when Adam and Eve have reduced Macro-Evolution to a farce. We Creationists were factually correct for 6,000 years of recorded history, and Bill Nye and company were vociferously wrong for many decades. Now that science has proven the Creationists to be correct and the Macro-Evolutionists to be wrong, Nye owes us an apology, not a made-for-TV smear.
Amazing. Mitochondrial Eve is estimated to have lived around 200,000 years ago — a wee bit before the Garden of Eden. And no one (except Longman) thinks there’s evidence that “all human beings descended from one human male father less than 60,000 years ago.” Moving along:
Nye ought concede that his group’s rantings were storytelling masquerading as science. And he should further apologize for the evolutionary establishment’s junk science being used as a social bludgeon to dehumanize religious minorities. Will Nye defend the factually inaccurate evolutionary establishment’s having been bigoted, bombastic, prejudiced and condescending toward biblical Jews and Christians? I keep hoping we’ll draw Nye unto science.
This is quite a rant! WND is the greatest! We’re only about half-way through and this is long enough, so we’ll only give you a few more excerpts:
But I would point out that Nye is a Y-chromosomal Adam and Mitochondrial Eve denier. Because he is ideological, he can’t bear to see the truth staring at him in the face from peer-reviewed journals. I don’t wish to ape Nye, but when you have ignorant denialists like Bill out there, masquerading as scientists and spouting out dated theories from the Victorian era on TV, I would argue his chest pounding – due to an anti-evidence mentality – is really what’s holding us all back. Can you imagine this man teaching your children to deny Mitochondrial Eve in order to defend science?
Here’s one more — to our delight it’s about Noah’s Ark:
The facts keep pouring in. Molecular geneticists discovered recently that three genetic mothers branched from Mitochondrial Eve and that all human beings today were derived from those lines. I’m terribly sorry to inform Mister Nye that this observation exactly agrees with the Torah account – that humanity was repopulated from the people present on Noah’s Ark. The science was done by credentialed people. Maybe presenter Nye will pronounce this paper anti-science for us, so we know?
Okay, that’s enough — for now. We expect to be hearing more about this from WorldNetDaily. They’re on a mission.
Copyright © 2012. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.