The World Has Already Ended

Over the last few days we’ve come across some minor news items that, individually, didn’t inspire us to write a blog article, although each of them triggered an evil chuckle and brought a sinister smile to our otherwise grim visage.

But as we thought about those items as a group, we began to suspect that there’s more than mere amusement here. The totality of those news stories began to form a pattern. What pattern? Well, you know how many times false prophets have predicted that the world was going to end. We think one of them may have been right!

Individually, each of the news stories we’re bringing to your attention today is just a funny story; but considered together, it’s obvious that all of these items could not have happened in any world created either by an intelligent designer or by natural and predictable forces of nature.

Read these items, dear reader. The conclusion is inescapable — it’s all over. The world has already ended. There’s no point in getting upset about any of these things because none of them could possibly exist. There’s nothing to be done except laugh, so read what follows with the proper attitude.

First, WorldNetDaily reports Minnesota spends $3,400 to teach orgasm. One brief excerpt will be sufficient:

The University of Minnesota’s Twin Cities campus is spending more than $3,400 to put on a seminar for “orgasm aficionados and beginners of all genders” to discuss their sex lives. …“Are you coming?” the promotion asks.

Next, The Advocate of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, in Jindal addresses conservatives, tells us:

Gov. Bobby Jindal continued touting his new national message Sunday that the Republican Party has “got to stop being the stupid party.”

Jindal was the final speaker Sunday at the National Review Institute Summit on “The Future of Conservatism” in Washington, and he gave virtually the same speech he did three days prior when he was the keynote speaker at the Republican National Committee’s winter meeting in Charlotte. “It is time for a new Republican Party that talks like adults,” Jindal said.

If there were any irony meters left, Jindal’s remarks surely shattered them beyond repair. But a world that no longer exists has no need for such devices.

The next item may not fit in here, but we couldn’t leave it out. Those of you who eagerly devoured the news about David McConaghie, which we began to report here: Creationist Suspected of Bathroom Voyeurism, will be fascinated to learn of another such case. This one is reported by the New Zealand Herald with this attention-grabbing headline: ‘Sex addict’ sentenced for toilet camera. They say:

A head paper conservator who has previously worked in Auckland has been sentenced for installing a secret camera in a toilet at London’s Victoria and Albert Museum. A British court has heard Michael Wheeler, 54, an expert in ancient manuscripts at the museum, installed the camera for his own sexual gratification.

Wheeler’s views on evolution aren’t mentioned, but from what we’ve seen in the McConaghie affair, it’s reasonable to assume that the man is a creationist.

Our last item today is from a week-old article at the website of the National Center for Science Education (NCSE). They inform us of the good news that there’s a Darwin Day resolution in Congress. NCSE’s excellent article begins by informing us:

House Resolution 41, introduced in the United States House of Representatives on January 22, 2013, would, if passed, express the House’s support of designating February 12, 2013, as Darwin Day, and its recognition of “Charles Darwin as a worthy symbol on which to celebrate the achievements of reason, science, and the advancement of human knowledge.” Rush Holt (D-New Jersey), one of the few members of Congress with a Ph.D. in a scientific field, is the sole sponsor of the bill.

That’s all very nice, but NCSE’s next sentence says:

After its introduction, H. Res. 41 was referred to the House Committee on Science, Space, and Technology

Come on now — that’s funny! As you may recall, that venerable committee has among its members a certain Paul Broun, about whom we’ve written a few times, for example: Congressman Broun on Evolution & the Big Bang.

Anyway, that’s all we could find during this morning’s news sweep. It’ll have to do until some creationist, somewhere, does or says something spectacularly stupid. That’s sure to happen any minute now, so stay tuned to this blog.

Copyright © 2013. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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5 responses to “The World Has Already Ended

  1. “A head paper conservator who has previously worked in Auckland has been sentenced for installing a secret camera in a toilet at London’s Victoria and Albert Museum.”

    Does that mean he saves the paper once it’s been used in the head? He really is sick, isn’t he?

  2. Not the V&A!! I’ve been there.

  3. Dave Lord says: “Not the V&A!! I’ve been there.”

    Yes, and thanks to what Michael Wheeler posted on YouTube, we know all about it.

  4. In the readers’ comments to the story at http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/01/25/new-republican-idea-punishing-rape-victims-with-jail-time/ there are a couple of nice swipes at Jindal’s recent comments.

  5. An orgasm class! I want to go just to meet the women that are interested in improving theirs. Then I can try for extra credit for working with my classmates outside of class time. When will it come to the Washington DC area?