Your Curmudgeon is having a bad time of it today. There’s no news for us to write about, and the usual creationist websites aren’t providing any good material for us to ridicule. It’s days like this when we get into trouble by offering our own thoughts. But that’s all we’ve got.
Because nothing else is going on, we’re going to wander into theology. We have absolutely no expertise on that topic, but that won’t stop us. If the creationists can opine about science, about which they know nothing, we can do the same about theology. So let us consider the amoeba. According to Wikipedia:
The amoeba is remarkable for its very large genome. The species Amoeba proteus has 290 billion base pairs in its genome, while the related Polychaos dubium (formerly known as Amoeba dubia) has 670 billion base pairs. The human genome is small by contrast, with its count of 2.9 billion base pairs
The genome of the amoeba has 100 times more base pairs than ours! It’s clearly far more complex than we are. Not only that, amoebae are everywhere, and they’re invisible without special equipment. Further, they are countless in their numbers, rather like the stars in the sky. Additionally, because of their mode of reproduction — they divide asexually — each of them is virtually immortal. They were here before us, and they will undoubtedly be here long after we’re gone — from everlasting to everlasting, so to speak. Think about it — the amoeba is omnipresent, invisible, immortal, boundless in its numbers, and complex beyond our comprehension.
Do those characteristics sound familiar? Sure they do. And there’s more. Amoebae reproduce rapidly, given appropriate conditions. Let’s assume that they do it only twice per hour. That’s 50 generations per day. Humans require about 20 years per generation, so 50 human generations require 1,000 years. In terms of evolutionary potential, a day for amoebae is like a thousand years for man. Does that sound familiar? Hint: “But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.” — 2 Peter 3:8 (King James Version).
What are the mightiest human works to an amoeba? Is an amoeba impressed by — or even aware of — the Great Wall of China? The pyramids? The Panama Canal? Such things mean nothing to the amoebae. Man’s greatest monuments are utterly insignificant to them. Humbling, isn’t it?
Now consider the much ballyhooed intelligent designer. We scoff at the concept because there’s no evidence for his (its?) existence, and there’s no demonstrable way the designer could do the things that are attributed to him. But the amoebae — or some other microbe under their direction — function at the cellular level and they have the ability to interact with other cells. We have no idea how they do whatever it is that they may do, but they unquestionably exist and they’re always in a position to do the job. Ponder that, dear reader!
If you are beginning to dimly sense The Truth™, the question arises — what should you do? We don’t think there’s much you can do, really. As is befitting an exalted deity, the amoebae are aloof from your thoughts and cares. They’re unlikely to take any notice of your incantations or your candles. It seems to us that the best one can hope for is to join them when our clumsy, multicellular lives are over.
How can we do that? It’s obvious — by allowing them to incorporate your carcass into themselves. Probably un-prepped burial at sea or in the ground is the best way to go. We have no idea what the next phase of our existence might be — but the world belongs to them, and it’s better to be with the amoebae than to be separated forever. Or so it seems to us.
Now that we’ve done our Curmudgeonly best to satisfy your spiritual hunger for the weekend, we’ll soon be returning to our regularly schedule blog.
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