Creationist Voyeurism: Case #9

Creationist voyeurism

Creationist voyeurism

There are two sure signs that the weekend is approaching: (1) there’s a slowdown in news of The Controversy between evolution and creationism; and (2) because of #1, your Curmudgeon is driven to posting about increasingly oddball topics.

That’s why we are adding another case study to our series on creationist voyeurs. Our last post on this topic was Creationist Voyeurism: Case #8. That will lead you to the others.

Each of these cases supports our hypothesis that there may be some heretofore unsuspected disorder which we call Creationism-Voyeurism Syndrome (CVS). The disorder is either: (a) something deep within the creationist brain that causes perverted behavior; or (b) the disorder produces both creationism and voyeurism. In honor of the first case we learned about, it can also be called the McConaghie syndrome — see Creationist Suspected of Bathroom Voyeurism.

Today’s case, however, is a bit of an outlier. We don’t have any evidence (so far) of any creationism on the voyeur’s part. Nevertheless, the details of the case are so fantastic that we feel confident, based on all our earlier studies, that this one is unquestionably of the creationist persuasion. We’re so certain of this that we’re willing to wager five quatloos — yes, five! — that this guy is a big-time creationist, maybe even a young-Earther. After reading the information, we know you’ll agree. He could be nothing else. (If you don’t know what a quatloo is, read up on The Gamesters of Triskelion.)

The details of today’s case are found in the Westport News of Westport, Connecticut. Their attention-getting headline is: Man found in septic tank pleads guilty. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us:

A man [Kenneth Enlow] found hiding in a septic tank under a women’s restroom at a public park in Sand Springs has pleaded guilty [in Tulsa County District Court] to a peeping Tom charge.

All we know so far is that Enlow was hiding in a septic tank. That’s somewhat unusual, but it’s no crime. We shouldn’t be judgmental of another man’s life-style. Something must have happened in that tank. What was it? Let’s read on:

He was arrested after a woman taking her daughter to the restroom saw someone looking at her from inside the toilet.

Creepy, huh? We know you love it. Here’s one more savory detail:

A police report says firefighters pulled Enlow from the septic tank and authorities arrested him after he was cleaned off with a fire hose.

Now you understand why we’re so certain that the guy is suffering from CVS. No evolutionist would do such a thing. (Well, no true evolutionist.)

But wait — there’s more. We found another story on this situation that provides some background. It’s at the website of KJRH-TV in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where the crime occurred. Their headline is: Friends of accused peeping Tom Kenneth Enlow not surprised over news police found him in septic tank.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Think about that headline, dear reader. Would any of your friends say that they weren’t surprised to find you in a septic tank? Anyway, with our bold font, KJRH says:

Enlow’s longtime friend Darrell Reid says he, Enlow and three other friends went to White Water Park near Keystone Lake Sunday. But when it came time to leave, Reid claims they couldn’t find Enlow. Hours later, Reid and the others learned the reason why.

His buddies probably assumed that Enlow was in a septic tank somewhere. We continue:

“(Enlow) gets completely out of it,” said Reid. “He’s a big boy, but he gets uncontrollable.”

Quite understandable. One thing leads to another and then … splash! Here’s one more excerpt. It’s the excuse he gave:

He told police his girlfriend hit him over the head with a tire iron and dumped him in the tank. Enlow was taken to OSU Medical Center but doctors didn’t find any related injuries, according to his police report. That didn’t surprise Reid, who claims Enlow’s girlfriend died last year.

That’s where we’re going to leave this one. Remember: Your Curmudgeon’s CVS hypothesis is on the line. We’re betting five quatloos that this guy fits the pattern. So if you’ve got evidence that he isn’t a creationist, let’s hear from you.

Copyright © 2013. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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5 responses to “Creationist Voyeurism: Case #9

  1. Who admits to being a friend of someone that’s this messed up? I hope Enlow appreciates the truly amazing friends he has.

    Will the NRA’s voice be heard? Will they demand that mothers arm themselves to defend against such horrors? Can’t wait for the headline “Peeper Popped in Pooper”.

  2. Stephen Kennedy

    They certainly spend a lot of time in intellectual septic tanks and their think tanks, ie DI, are indistinguishable from a septic tank so I think it is a pretty safe 5 quatloo wager.

  3. Don’t worry, SC, you know that Creationists are always ready to do something stupid and make some news for you. They may not be bright but at least they are persistent.

  4. @ Our Curmudgeon:

    OK. I see your 5 quatloos, and raise you 10 ‘squat-loos’ that the perp here is a hardened Eproctophile as well…

  5. Megalonyx boldly wagers: “I see your 5 quatloos, and raise you 10 ‘squat-loos’ that the perp here is a hardened Eproctophile as well…”

    Let’s see now … a man pleads guilty to lurking in a septic tank, he needed to be cleaned off with a fire hose before he could be arrested, and you’re willing to gamble everything in a bet that he’s a methane-o-phile. You won’t find too many who are willing to take you up on that — which is pretty much what Olivia says about you: “Whatever he has to offer, no one wants it.”