Curmudgeon’s Creative Challenge #8

It’s been a few months since we had one of these. It’s time for another.

To remind you of all the intellectual thrills we’ve provided in the past, our earlier contests were: #1 (Creationism is to evolution as _____ is to _______), followed by #2 (The typical Discoveroid’s next job will be _______), and then #3 (The Discoveroids are the dregs of _____), and then #4 (The creationists’ biggest lie is _____), and then #5 (Can _____ be defended using only scientific terms?, and then #6 (What shall we call a creationist toilet camera?), and most recently #7 (Credible evidence for the intelligent designer’s existence would be: ____).

Today’s challenge was inspired by retiredsciguy, who came up with: “Grand Old Designer (G.O.D.)” That, of course, refers to the Discoveroids’ “theory” of intelligent design, which assumes the existence of an unnamed magical designer — blessed be he! — who is never seen, whose origin, nature, motives, and methods are unknown, whose only function is to “explain” the not-yet-closed gaps in scientific knowledge, and who is in desperate need of ridicule.

Therefore, here is your challenge, dear reader. Try to do better than retiredsciguy, by doing the following:

Pick an appropriate word and make it into an acronym — the individual letters of which are the initial letters of words that disparage the Discoveroids’ theory.

These can be devilishly difficult to construct. To get you going, we’ll offer you our own clumsy example — DESIGNER, the letters of which stand for: Devised Entity Signifying Idiocy and Gullibility, Not Existing Research. That’s pretty bad. We’re confident that you can do better.

You know the rules: You may enter the contest as many times as you wish, but you must avoid profanity, vulgarity, childish anatomical analogies, etc. Also, avoid slanderous statements about individuals. Feel free to comment on the entries submitted by others — with praise, criticism, or whatever — but you must do so tastefully. That’s the really challenging part of these contests — being tasteful.

Your Curmudgeon will decide if there’s a winner, and whenever we get around to it we’ll announce who the winner is. There is no tangible prize — as always in life’s great challenges, the accomplishment is its own reward. We now throw open the comments section, dear reader. Go for it!

Copyright © 2014. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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67 responses to “Curmudgeon’s Creative Challenge #8

  1. Given time I could think of better, but “SCAM” stands for “Scientific” creationism’s asinine meltdown.

  2. Belligerent Animosity, Resistance and Antagonism to Methodological Inquiry is a No-no.

  3. Gwyllm Griffiths

    A.S.I.N.I.N.E. = Anti-Scientific Ignorant Nonsensical Indoctrinaire Naysaying of Evolution

  4. Dodgy Epistemology Signals Ineptly Gormless Nullity.

  5. Dimwits In Search Of Verisimilitude Equivocating Reality, Only In Denial of Science

  6. I may have the declension wrong, but, er,

    Deus ex scientia” idea gathers nuts.

  7. LIARS – Like It’s A Real Science

    (Long-time lurker, first-time poster)

  8. @Aaron

    You’re missing the “c”.

  9. DANG! I thought I had that one….

  10. Could y’all also include the complete word your acronym is supposed to spell. It makes my judging easier.

  11. More in line with the actual specification:

    Misrepresent Ignore Slant Lie Embellish Arrogate and Distort.

    Spells “MISLEAD”.

  12. AIG = Ark Idiocy, Guaranteed.

  13. Update: DISCOVEROID: Dimwits In Search, Crookedly, Of Verisimilitude Equivocating Reality, Only In Denial of Science

  14. I’ll toss in another. The WAND theory — Wild Assertions, No Data.

  15. SPECIFIED COMPLEXITY

    Silly
    Proposal by
    Evil
    Creationist
    Idiotic
    Fantasies
    Inspired by
    Errant
    Demented
    Crackpot
    Onanists
    Manoeuvring for
    Power and
    Leadership
    Entailing
    Xenophobically
    Intense
    Theocratic
    Yearnings

    [Curmudgeonly addendum: This is one of two co-winners.]

  16. ^^^ You win the internet!

  17. Ceteris Paribus

    POOF! – Publishing Our Odious Faithiness

  18. Deliberate Eyewipe, Confabulated Expertise, Infantile Tenets

    (= DECEIT)

  19. “Scientific” Creationism’s Asinine Meltdown

  20. “Anonymous” was me. But I think my first try was what SC wanted. In any case, not to influence SC’s vote, but Megalonyx’s entry is hard to top.

  21. Feigned Research Affirming Uniquely Designed Systems.

    (= FRAUDS)

  22. Richard Olson

    I will think one up about an hour after the contest closes, assuming I ever do, so all I presently have to offer is praise for working “Onanist” into an acronym that is a name for Christian scriptural literalists. Well done.

  23. WEDGE

    We
    Encourage
    Deranged
    Goofballs for
    Entertainment

  24. Alternative WEDGE strategy:

    Weirdos
    Exercating
    Darwinists as
    Godless
    Eugenicists

  25. Richard Olson praises Megalonyx:

    I presently have to offer is praise for working “Onanist” into an acronym

    His neighbors used to wonder why, alone at night, Megalonyx is often heard to cry out: There can be only one! The explanation he gives is that he sometimes gets carried away while watching DVDs of the old “Highlander” series. But now I think we know the real reason.

  26. As Klinghoffer sat contemplating his arthritic knees, he cut a a poor, disconsolated, drooping creature.

    DISCONSOLATED

    Discovery Institute Suggests Creator Of New Species Often Lacks A Truly Efficient Design.

  27. Intelligent Design

    Insane
    Nincompoops
    That
    Espouse
    Long
    Litanies
    Indicating
    God
    Explains
    Nature
    Try
    Deceiving
    Everyone
    Since
    Its
    Gone
    Nowhere

  28. SKY DADDY
    Scientific Knuckleheads Y’all, Definitely Always Deceptive, Dishonorable Yahoos (or Yobos, for those in the UK)

  29. Oops: I meant surprised, as in: Discovery Institute Surprised Creator Of New Species Often Lacks A Truly Efficient Design.

  30. I don’t have a new entry (something like “Grand Old Designer” is a once-in-a-decade inspiration for me), but I do have an idea for a prize — a free lifetime pass to the “Sensuous Curmudgeon” blog! And get this — no blackout periods! The winner will be able to use the free pass even on the busiest holidays! Plus, the blog is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year!

    But wait — there’s more! To celebrate our heliocentric orbit, you get an extra day of reading pleasure every fourth year!

  31. Charles Deetz ;)

    Casey Luskin Utilizes Evasive Language Explaining Silly Suppositions.
    CLUELESS

  32. INSTITUTE
    Idiotic
    Nonsense
    Substituting for
    Tested
    Information and
    Undervaluing
    True
    Experimentation

  33. DIETY
    Delusional
    Imaginary
    Entity
    Troubling
    Youngsters

  34. CREATOR
    Chimerical
    Ruling
    Entity
    Amounting
    To the
    Obfuscation of
    Reason

  35. HAMBONE Howling about magical, brainless, obviously needless egesta
    or
    Hot air megaphone bent on needless equivocation

  36. Any Crafty Attempt Defending Ethereal Magic In Colleges Feigning Robust Educational Exposure Debases Objective Measures By Idiotically Lopsided Logic.

    = ACADEMIC FREEDOM BILL

  37. I like Con-Tester’s best! But here’s one for you:
    BATTING:
    Believers,
    Admit
    That
    There
    Is
    No
    God.

  38. Our quote-mining Curmudgeon has painfully truncated my ejaculation, viz.

    Megalonyx is often heard to cry out: “There can be only one!”

    In fact, my frequent and ecstatic cry is, in full, “There can be only one TRVE Olivia!”

    To which she invariably (and in some degree of déshabillé) replies, “And you, Megs, are the only one that makes the earth move for me!”

    Modesty does not permit me to describe what then ensues…

  39. Ceteris Paribus

    Megs mentions: “To which she [the name which cannot be spoken] invariably (and in some degree of déshabillé) replies,” [bold added]

    Use caution. My sister had a broken Chatty Cathy doll which invariably repeated only the single phrase “I want to go shopping!”

  40. Ceteris Paribus

    arrrgh. in my haste the html was not properly arranged. maybe it can be fixed, but I promise not to post using html before 6am again

  41. Ceteris Paribus reports

    My sister had a broken Chatty Cathy doll which invariably repeated only the single phrase “I want to go shopping!”

    This sounds like a job for The Barbie Liberation Organization:

    The Barbie Liberation Organization or BLO…gained notoriety in 1993 by switching the voice boxes on talking G.I. Joes and Barbie dolls. The BLO performed “surgery” on a reported 300–500 dolls and then returned them to the shelves of stores, an action they refer to as shopgiving. This action resulted in girls opening their new Teen Talk Barbie to hear it say phrases such as “vengeance is mine” and boys hearing their G.I. Joe say “The beach is the place for summer.”

  42. Ostensibly Observation–Grounded Inference That Yahweh Brought On Origins Giving Impulse To Yawn.

    = OOGITY BOOGITY

  43. Mashing Evolved Natural Design Attributes Clumsily Into Our Ungainly Schema

    = MENDACIOUS

  44. MICRO/MACRO:

    Morons and
    Insane
    Creationists
    Regurgitating
    Ooutlandish
    Meaningless
    Arguments
    Conforming to
    Religious
    Orthodoxy

  45. “Ooutlandish”? Either imagine that was spoken by a TRVE Scotsman, or else delete a redundant “o” :-)

  46. Scientifically Undetectable Powers Enthusiastically Raised, Normally As True Underlying Rudiment Animating Life.

    = SUPERNATURAL

  47. INTELLIGENT DESIGN

    Insipid and
    Nugatory
    Teleological
    Explanation for
    Life:
    Lets
    Irritating
    God-
    Endorsing
    Nuts
    Torment
    Darwinists with
    Exceptionally
    Stupid and
    Idiotic
    Goddidit
    Nonsense

  48. CRITICAL THINKING:
    Crude
    Rejection
    Instinct
    Toward
    Information
    Contradicting
    Accepted
    Legends for

    Theocracy,
    Hatred, and
    Ignorance.
    Never
    Knowing,
    Indolent, and
    Never
    Growing

  49. Intelligent Design Is Only Theology Sanitized

  50. Anonymous: “I.D.I.O.T.S.”

    That’s good! You must abandon your anonymity and claim your proper credit.

    Of course, that’s not to take away from Megalonyx’s lengthy labors (or labours, since he’s in the UK). Honestly, I don’t know where he finds the time. Perhaps Olivia is out shopping or something…

  51. retiredsciguy speculates about Megalonyx: “Honestly, I don’t know where he finds the time. Perhaps Olivia is out shopping or something…”

    I have reason to believe that Olivia doesn’t take up much of his time.

  52. Ref. Ceteris Paribus’s note to Megs: “Use caution. My sister had a broken Chatty Cathy doll which invariably repeated only the single phrase ‘I want to go shopping!’ “

  53. @Ray R:

    “Deity” is spelled “d-e-i-t-y”.

    Something like “Dolts ensuring it’s theological yuckiness”.

  54. Our Curmudgeon claims

    I have reason to believe that Olivia doesn’t take up much of his time.

    Your data is wildly out of date: I very carefully conducted a comprehensive electronic “sweep” of my palatial home and removed all listening devices and loo cams therefrom before Olivia moved in.

    And in any event, how do you know that the transcendent ‘time’ which Olivia spends in my company is to be measured the same way as for lesser beings? Perhaps, as it may be for the Grand Old Designer, one day with the Goddess Olivia is like unto a million years for mere mortals.

    Were you there?

  55. Mark Joseph corrects Ray R:

    “Deity” is spelled “d-e-i-t-y”

    Yes, that is the correct spelling for the word denoting a “god or goddess.”

    But diety might be useful to the Intelligent Design crowd still struggling to smuggle their dogmas into public schools after Kitzmiller:

    Good heavens, no, Your Honour! Of course ‘The Intelligent Designer’ isn’t a deity, it’s a diety! We aren’t Creationists, we are Establishment-Clause-compliant cdesign proponentsists!

  56. Fundamentalists Undeterred, Casey & Klinghoffer, (Evolution Deniers), Unload Profusely.

    And no, I will not make it easier to read.

    [Curmudgeonly addendum: This is one of two co-winners.]

  57. retiredsciguy, you have exceeded your earlier effort, the one which inspired this contest. A bit tasteless, but I’ll overlook it. However, I don’t want my Curmudgeonly benevolence to encourage similar acronyms from anyone else.

  58. Speaking for myself, I feel no mediaeval moral qualms over the occasional accurately targeted missile bearing a payload of profanity shot over a moat of deception against ramparts of denial into a castle of deception, targeted at a caisson of ignorance. Besides leaving no wriggle room about the risibility of its target, it gets the point across with unaccustomed clarity and simplicity.

  59. Con-Tester says: “Speaking for myself, I feel no mediaeval moral qualms”

    Then you will feel the torment of the Lake of Fire.

  60. Our Curmudgeon decrees:

    I don’t want my Curmudgeonly benevolence to encourage similar acronyms from anyone else.

    Have no fear: we know that Pope retiredsciguy has special papal privileges which we would not presume to emulate…

  61. Con-Tester states, “… it gets the point across with unaccustomed clarity and simplicity.”

    I like clarity and simplicity. If more writers practiced it, it would no longer be unaccustomed. (Duh.) And while we are on the subject of interesting writing, that’s a nice paragraph you set down, Con-Tester.

    “…accurately targeted missile bearing a payload of profanity shot over a moat of deception…” Are you a speechwriter for some politician? Or something?

  62. The Curmudgeon admonishes Con-Tester: “Then you will feel the torment of the Lake of Fire”.

    Hey, no fair! I already called dibbies!

  63. retiredsciguy remarks—

    “[T]hat’s a nice paragraph you set down, Con-Tester.

    Are you a speechwriter for some politician? Or something?”

    Thank you – no, I’m a numbers bloke (applied maths & statistics) but I’m also a sucker for skilful language use, which I try to emulate, not always successfully. It’s all about imitation and sincere flattery. ;)

  64. It is now my Curmudgeonly task to judge the many fine entries that were submitted and select a winner. This was difficult, but after a sleepless night I have decided to announce two co-winners. One is Megalonyx, for his acronym of SPECIFIED COMPLEXITY. The other is retiredsciguy, who not only inspired the contest — with “Grand Old Designer” — but who then, late in the game, came up with an acronym that none dare repeat. Congratulations to you both!

  65. I’m flattered! Thank you, O Curmudgeon!

    I’d just like to thank all the people that made this possible: my agent, my director, my co-stars, Casey Luskin, my parents [continues ad infinauseum]

  66. Well, Megs, it looks like we now are forever linked in infamy by Curmy’s now world-famous blog. Congratulations! You put a lot of work into it. It’s always a pleasure to read your clever writings — as well as your more serious essays.

  67. Congratulations to the winners and everyone else for the fine and hilarious efforts. I’m sorry I missed the fun!