This is an embarrassing post, but we can’t resist. You know about our strange series of prior posts about the hypothesized link between bathroom voyeurism and creationism. The most recent was Creationist Voyeurism: Case #6.
Well, dear reader, in our ceaseless effort to find more data, we conducted another search and stumbled upon this news story at the website of an NBC station in South Florida: Woman Throws Roll of Toilet Paper at Camera After Broward Judge’s Bond Decision. It’s obviously not on point, but look at the lead paragraph:
A woman who was recently convicted of stealing a banana showed her displeasure with a Broward judge’s bond decision by grabbing a roll of toilet paper and throwing it at the camera.
We can’t blame Google; the story has the words we were searching for. Yes, we know this isn’t related to anything we’ve ever written about, but it’s just too good to ignore. So here are a few more excerpts. All the bold font was added by us:
Gerhonda Snell, 24, appeared remotely before Broward Circuit Judge John Hurley on Tuesday. … She and Hurley argued about her criminal history, which the judge said includes six convictions for stealing.
But what about the banana? Let’s read on:
A prosecutor listed her previous court cases, including for a felony petty theft on Jan. 8 in Miami Shores. “Sir, that Miami Shores one, I didn’t do that,” Snell said. “He thought I stole a banana, and I had to do three months. I just got out for a banana in Dade County.” She then confirmed that she was convicted of the crime – but also maintained that she hadn’t stolen the banana.
She was convicted, but she she still maintains her innocence. Anyway, she wasn’t in court this time because of the banana — it was just part of her prior record. The news story continues:
After saying that he didn’t care about a banana, the judge told Snell, “You are 24 years old. You’ve been convicted of stealing 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 times plus the sixth time was a felony. Now you’re here again, allegedly stealing again now in Broward.”
What did the defendant say to that? Here you go:
“But I just did three months in Dade County for stealing,” Snell responded. “I just did the three months, and they closed everything out.”
Good defense, huh? Moving along:
Hurley said that didn’t mean she can keep stealing. “Yeah, but I didn’t mean to,” Snell said.
“Oh, you didn’t mean to steal – and I guess those other six times you didn’t mean to steal either, right?” Hurley said. They argued a bit more before Hurley told her, “Your bond’s going to remain where it is. Thank you.”
What happened then? This comes from the middle of the story, but it belongs here at the end:
When Hurley concluded that her bond would remain where it is, Snell reacted by pushing something off the stand in front of her. She briefly walked away, then returned, grabbed a roll of toilet paper from beneath the stand, and threw it at the camera.
We also found a video of the event. It’s only two minutes long. If you’ve read this far, you’ll want to see it. Go ahead, we know you can’t resist. After that, feel free to use the comments for an Intellectual Free-Fire Zone.
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