Chuck Norris: America’s founding creationists

THE WACKO LUDDITES are very much in evidence lately. In WorldNetDaily, which manages to embarrass the cause of conservatism every day by smearing it with every form of stupidity imaginable, we have this bit of celebrity foolishness: America’s founding creationists.

The author is Chuck Norris, a fine patriot, but a man not known for intellectual depth — for reasons that shall be obvious as you read what he’s been writing. Here are some excerpts:

I’ve already written a column on how our founders would have endorsed a pro-creationist education in taxpayer schools – something they would not have seen as a breach between church and state relations.

Chuck, you’re very good at kicking the bad guys in the groin, but you exceed your limits when you substitute your thinking for that of men like Thomas Jefferson and James Madison.

Here’s more from Chuck:

What many might not realize, however, is that our founders were familiar with naturalistic and evolutionary views of the sciences. Evolution has been around a lot longer than Darwin.

It looks like the Discovery Institute has sent out new instructions and talking points: “Lie about the Founders so we can wrap the flag around creationism!” We’ve already written two articles about this foolishness. The most recent conveniently links to the earlier one: Discovery Institute: Usurping the Fourth of July.

This freakish meme that the Founders had a time machine or something and therefore knew what the future would know about evolution — and then rejected it for creationism — has been spreading faster than a venereal disease in a one-bordello mining town.

Listen, toad-brains: Before Darwin published his theory in 1859, everyone was a creationist of one kind or another, because no one could conceive of a natural way that the biosphere could have developed. Citing the Founders as supporters of your assault on science is stupid. Got that? It’s stupid!

Hey, Chuck: The Founders also had a lot of horse-flop in the streets of their cities. Why not recommend that while you’re at it? Seriously, Chuck, be consistent. You buy into the Founders’ creationism, even though they didn’t know any better, so why not embrace their “manure-in-the-streets” life style too? Hint: they tolerated horse-flop because they had no alternative. Ditto for creationism.

Chuck, here’s a clue: Unlike the neo-theocrats at the Discovery Institute’s Center for Science and Culture (a/k/a the Discoveroids), the Founders favored science. That’s why the Constitution provides for the Patent Office, by giving Congress the power “To promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts, by securing for limited Times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective Writings and Discoveries …” Had they known about Darwin’s work they would have embraced it.

Okay, let’s grab one more quote from Mr. Norris, that noted historian:

It is no coincidence that Thomas Jefferson penned the founding document, the Declaration of Independence, with an emphasis on God throughout:

“… the laws of nature and of Nature’s God …

… neither Gov. Jindal nor any one of us should hesitate to legislate pro-Creator educational platforms, nor fear anti-theistic swells that try to shut God out of America’s classrooms. Our founders didn’t. And neither should we.

Chuck, you don’t know anything about Jefferson, or Deism (that “Nature’s God” thingie), or the Founders, and you obviously don’t know anything about science. Stick to the martial arts. You’re good at that. But when it comes to this history and philosophy and science stuff …

What’s the version of “Shut up and sing!” that’s appropriate for Chuck Norris?

. AddThis Social Bookmark Button . Permalink for this article

4 responses to “Chuck Norris: America’s founding creationists

  1. I don’t see a comments section anywhere on the article. Are we out of luck?

  2. The Curmudgeon

    I guess they don’t want comments. Can’t blame them.

  3. carolinaguitarman

    The founders rejected evolution in the same way that Newton rejected relativistic physics.

  4. Actually, there is a better case to be made for horse-flop in the streets than there is for Creationism. Horse-flop is a valuable commodity for enthusiastic gardeners, you can’t beat it for bringing on the roses.