Creationist Wisdom — Example 52

WE can’t figure out if this is a spoof or if it’s someone’s attempt to write something serious. In the Valley Bugler Newspaper, of Longview, Washington, we read: The Great War of Ideas.

There’s a title to attract a writer’s best efforts, right? Judge for yourself, dear reader. Here are a very few excerpts — just enough to give you a hint of the article’s quality. The bold was added by us:

In 1776, Thomas Jefferson penned these words as the introduction to our Constitution: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal, and that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, and that among them are the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

Pretty good, huh? Let’s try for another:

Charles Darwin challenged centuries of self-evident truths when, as a 22 year old Cambridge student, he first published his theories of evolution.

Yea, verily, Darwin was a remarkable man! All of you know that this year marks the 200th anniversary of his birth and the 150th anniversary of Origin of Species. But what you didn’t know until now is that Darwin not only published that book 50 years after his birth, but he accomplished that feat when he was only 22 years old!

Want more? Sure, here’s another:

So if those [evolution] theories are now taught as facts in our nation’s schools, and the self-evident truths are barely mentioned and not well tolerated when they are, what will our grandkids encounter if they should dare to challenge Darwin and want to independently study the origins of man? Will they be rounded up into cattle cars and hauled off to some chamber to be gassed?

Click over there and read it all. See if you can figure out if it’s a spoof. We really don’t know.

Copyright © 2009. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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23 responses to “Creationist Wisdom — Example 52

  1. waldteufel

    My vote? Paddy is just a puffed-up ignorant backwoods hick with delusions of adequacy.

  2. Bob Carroll

    It’s ironic that so many of those who take us to task for not knowing much of our history make so many errors themselves. Not knowing what’s in the Declaration of Independence vs. the Constitution is a typical example. And getting Jefferson’s words wrong in her quote.

    On the other hand, her column title is “Fruits and Nuts.” Self-descriptive?

    PatrickHenry. Really?

  3. Bob Carroll asks: “PatrickHenry. Really?”

    No, not really.

  4. Unfortunately, she is being serious. Just click on her name under the title to the article to see what else she has written for this monthly local paper.

    I see someone has left a comment there correcting the Jefferson and Darwin mistakes The Curmudgeon noted above. Then the publisher comments about the corrections and says, “Even with those two “mistakes”, I feel you wrote out your opinion eloquently and quite well. Something that is as heated as this topic is sure to generate responses, and I would speak a word of caution against those who write inappropriate and extremely negative or abusive comments – they will not be posted here.”

    I wouldn’t know where to begin to comment on the muck she writes. It is obvious nothing anyone could say would have any effect on her beliefs.

  5. waldteufel

    Roger . . . I was the commenter, and all I can say is that the writing standards at the Valley Bugler are set pretty low.

  6. You did good, waldteufel. But the paper stands behind their local genius.

  7. On the other hand, if God does exist and we are accountable to Him, we all have only ONE MAIN VOICE to tune into and cooperate with – a much simpler proposition and a sure recipe for peace – especially if the voice belongs to The Prince of Peace Who calls us to love one another as He has loved us.

    I think she kind of skipped a few steps in her argument there. On the other hand, if UFO’s do exist and they like flying, then they kidnap everybody especially if they have big gooble gob eyes. Huh?

    (I accidentally posted this over at the newspaper article, and am currently awaiting moderation, but the heck with it I posted here where it was meant for anyway, darn it.)

  8. Actually, I think the only thing wrong with the article is the small typographical error in the title. Surely this piece was intended to be called:

    The Great War on Ideas

  9. I see they didn’t post my comment from yesterday, and all I did was congratulate her on her parody. Sheesh.

    Curmy, when did you let PH out of the closet?

    Hey 386sx, nice to see you here. I remember you from t.o. in the old days (when Wilkins was [f|p]unny).

  10. waldteufel — as The Curmudgeon says, “You did good”

    386sx — I see they posted your comment. Since they haven’t posted b_sharp’s comment, maybe they didn’t understand yours?

    b_sharp — Are you sure that’s all you did?

  11. Hiya again b_sharp. Yeah I’m still around, obtuse as ever. 😛

    Mr. Wilkins is still funny IMO! And smart too.

    Roger, yeah I think there’s a pretty good chance of that. Glad I could sneak one in there I guess!

  12. I recently posted three comments on the Burrow’s article ( ) and would appreciate feedback. My first comment said it was awaiting moderation but, since then, they all appear to have been posted. If nothing else, let me know if my comments are really there. Thanks & Regards, Roger

  13. As much as The Curmudgeon tries to divorce his blog from religion, it really seems to me that it is an impossibility to do so. Where are the non-religious debates about the truth of evolution? I haven’t seen them. Sure, there are people like DI that try to put a “scientific” spin on the debate, but we all know what they really mean.

    I have no problem with those who want to believe in a “God” but, I think it is time to put aside the fantasy that the “debate” over evolution is anything more than a frantic effort from people who want to put their religious views over on everyone else.

  14. “b_sharp — Are you sure that’s all you did?”

    Yup. It was a bit sarcastic, but nothing that should stop it from being posted.

    I took a look at your posts. They are quite well done.

    Now if we can get Curmy to write a few posts for some papers.

    386sx; b_sharp was the Loki troll who got a religious post nominated as POTM (until it was revealed who I was) I’m still at t.o. under my real name.

  15. 386sx; b_sharp was the Loki troll who got a religious post nominated as POTM (until it was revealed who I was) I’m still at t.o. under my real name.

    Ahhh okay. The Loki troll nominated for POTM, who was cleverly revealed… by himself. 😛

  16. Benjamin Franklin

    I left a couple of comments there. The first included some choice quotes by Tommy Jefferson, and the second addressing the “expelled”-type regurgitation from the publisher.

    Neither the author or publisher were pun-worthy.

  17. You weren’t supposed to remember that.

  18. I have made several comments at this article’s website and have had a couple replies from the “Publisher” of this rag who says she “was a public school teacher!” (Her exclamation mark.) Her latest comment says, “For me, Science is supernatural – it is all designed by our Creator God, and I completely believe that.”

    Well, that pretty much explains everything. Despite her and Paddy’s proclamations that they welcome comments, they aren’t the least bit interested in a real discussion. Whatever they think is their “God’s” final word is the only thing they will listen to. Sure, you are welcome to say what you want (if it isn’t too negative) but, they will just nod and smile and ignore what you say. Aren’t these the people that Pink Floyd sang about being another “brick in the wall”?

  19. I present without comment a personal email I received this morning from the publisher:

    “Michelle Myre”

    Good morning,

    Your last post was quite rude and uncalled for, therefor it was deleted. Please do not post something of that nature again on our site.

    If you feel that I did not hear your point, or that I completely “ignored you” then I am truly sorry. I felt that I understood your point completely. I do not have to agree with your point, nor your ideas, and that is the basis of a forum.

    I did not ignore what you had to say. I said that we have totally different beliefs on how to approach the topic, and therefor have come to two totally separate conclusions. Just because I disagree does not mean that I ignored you or give no weight to your argument – just as when you comment and share your opinion does it mean that you ignore mine.

    We welcome lively debate, but negative comments such as “I might as well talk to my dog” is totally uncalled for, and we won’t stand for it.

    Thank you,

    Michelle Myre
    Publisher / Editor
    Valley Bugler
    360.414.1246 x2
    Your GOOD News Newspaper is now online!

  20. Benjamin Franklin

    I am going to assume that Ms Myre was a music teacher based on her reference to rehearsing ‘sacred choral music’.

    I am somewhat relieved, as her rather obtuse statement, “For me, Science is supernatural – it is all designed by our Creator God, and I completely believe that. I know that. ” is not indicative of a skeptical mind, or a rational thinker, (shameless plug for the SMRT forum.) and indicates one that should not be allowed to teach a fact driven, or scientific course of study.

    While it is good that her “public school teacher!” teaching was probably limited to correcting off-key voices and suffering the switching of pubescent students from the soprano section, to the tenors, I wonder how much of her curriculum was purposefully based on religious music, and whether she thinks rock and roll is the work of Satan.

    Don’t be stuck in that myre of pyre,
    I’m gonna take you higher and higher!

    Rock on wit yur bad self!
    Get down, HuH!

  21. Benjamin Franklin

    I must pass on my best laugh of the day to you, you Sensuous Curmudgeon, you.

    In looking at the home page for the Valley Bugler, it appears that the publisher, Michelle Myre co-owns the paper with her spouse, Oscar.

    My baloney has a first name…

  22. Benjamin Franklin says: “I must pass on my best laugh of the day …”

    This is an outrage! A good conservative woman should be known as “Mrs …”

  23. waldteufel

    Mea Culpa. Mea Maxima Culpa.

    I think we have all been t0o harsh on the loopy little old ladies who publish and write for this awful waste of resources called the “Valley Bugler”.

    That said, it is fun once in awhile to go intellectually slumming through the pages of these fact-free local rags. However, a good belt of ones’ favorite strong drink is required when finished.

    The Curmudgeon is to be thanked for bringing these little gems to us . . . . . . .