TODAY, dear reader, to show you that your Curmudgeon is fair and balanced, we proudly introduce a new feature to which we have obtained exclusive world rights: Dear Mentor™. Mentor has devoted his life to studying the science of creationism and the catastrophic errors of evolution. He’s here to answer all your questions.
For Mentor’s inaugural appearance, he’ll begin with some questions that he knows are on your mind. How does he know what you’re thinking? It’s beyond our understanding; but he knows. And now, after a bit of decorative scrollwork, the column begins:
Question: Dear Mentor, what is the best source for learning about creationism?
Answer: I always recommend the brilliant work of Jack Chick. One should begin with Big Daddy? After that, be sure to see these: In The Beginning, followed by There Go The Dinosaurs. Also you must see: Apes, Lies and Ms. Henn and then Moving On Up! That will give you a firm foundation.
Question: Dear Mentor, one of my co-workers is a Darwinist. I can tell from little remarks he’s made from time to time, and also from his attitude toward me. He thinks I’m stupid. I really hate him. What can I do?
Answer: Yours is a common experience, as the Darwinists seem to be everywhere. I suggest two things. First, you should lecture him whenever you can, even when you encounter him by chance in the hallway or the bathroom. Take every opportunity to teach him the error of his ways. Second, regarding your hatred, this is entirely natural but you should try not to think about it. Instead, remind yourself that all misguided Darwinists will spend eternity in the Lake of Fire.
Question: Dear Mentor, my daughter started going to college this year, and she’s been dating an evolutionist. Now she tells me that she thinks creationism is silly and she wants to major in biology. I fear that she’ll end up a serial killer and a cannibal. What can I do?
Answer: This is a tragedy which is quite common. You have my sympathy. Try to guide her back to the truth whenever you see her. Speak of nothing else. But if you aren’t successful, then you must recognize that she may be lost forever. Whatever happens, don’t allow her to influence your thinking. You must remain faithful to creationism!
Question: Dear Mentor, I was visiting the Creation Museum with my family and a horrible thing happened. A man walked over to one of the exhibits and — this is difficult for me to write about — he … he urinated all over Noah’s Ark! Then he shouted “All creationists are idiots!” My children started crying. He looked at them, laughed, and then he casually strolled out. What should I have done?
Answer: It’s sad, but that’s how Darwinists behave. There was nothing you could have done. It was a good lesson for your children. Perhaps your next visit to that wonderful museum will work out better.
That’s it for today, dear reader. Do you have a question for Mentor? If so, there’s no need to send it in. Just think about it and he’ll hear you. If he judges your question worthy, you will have your answer in due course. Keep watching this blog!
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