THE last time pandas were in the news was during the trial of Kitzmiller v. Dover Area School District, when it was revealed that the “science” book promoted by the school district was really a creationist book that had undergone a sudden search-and-replace face lift, changing the term “creationists” to “design proponents.” This shabby ploy was exposed by comparing early versions of the book to the final one, and it gave us cdesign proponentsists — a term described here: Missing link: “cdesign proponentsists”.
Well, pandas are back in the news, and this time they’re in bigger trouble. We bring you some excerpts from Pandas could be extinct in 2-3 generations, which is reported by the Paris-based Agence France-Presse (AFP). The bold font was added by us:
BEIJING — China’s giant panda could be extinct in just two to three generations as rapid economic development is infringing on its way of life, state media said on Monday, citing an expert at conservation group WWF.
We leave it to you, dear reader, to assess the credibility of this story. It’s reported by the French, based on Chinese media’s citing of an expert associated with the WWF — we assume that’s the World Wide Fund for Nature, formerly known as the World Wildlife Fund. So this one has everything: Chi-coms, French, and anti-development environmentalists. And as you will see, it also involves global warming, evolutionists, and Darwinist porn. How could we resist?
Let’s read on:
The problem is that the pandas’ habitat is being split up into ever smaller patches, preventing the animals from roaming freely for mating partners and in turn endangering their gene pool, the Global Times reported.
“If the panda cannot mate with those from other habitats, it may face extinction within two to three generations,” said Fan Zhiyong, Beijing-based species programme director for WWF. “We have to act now.”
So, given that this fellow says “we have to act now,” what shall be done? The article continues:
Fan said that highways pose major restrictions on the panda’s free movement. “We may have to give up building some infrastructure,” Fan said. “I don’t know the solution to this problem.”
We are never surprised when the solution to the crisis of the day is the same as the solution to the crisis of yesterday, and of the day before. Does this panda crisis remind you of the global warming crisis — or are we alone in our paranoia?
Stop booing! We have another question — does Al Gore look like a giant panda? Okay, okay … we’ll get on with the story. Here’s another excerpt:
In addition to environmental constraints, the animals’ notoriously low libidos have frustrated efforts to boost their numbers.
Yes, that would be frustrating. Here’s the final paragraph:
Breeders have resorted to tactics such as showing them “panda porn” videos of other pandas mating, and putting males through “sexercises” aimed at training up their pelvic and leg muscles for the rigours of copulation.
And so, dear reader, now we have the ultimate piece of evidence that should help the creationists bring down the Darwinist conspiracy. It’s all together in one story — Chi-coms, environmentalists, French journalism, Darwinism, global warming, and even pornography.
Has the Curmudgeon finally lost it? Consider this dialog from the film Patton:
Col. Codman: You know General, sometimes the men don’t know when you’re acting.
Patton: It’s not important for them to know. It’s only important for me to know.
Teach the controversy!
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