Creationist Wisdom — Example 65: Diet

FOR your weekend contemplation, dear reader, we ask you to consider how different life would be if the bible had commanded us: “Thou shalt wrap thy loins with poison ivy.” It makes you realize how fortunate we are that no such commandment was given.

Sit back down! We haven’t dismissed you yet. We ask you to ponder another question: Does the absence of a “wear poison ivy” commandment have any meaning at all? No? Well, what would it mean if we had been affirmatively commanded to avoid poison ivy?

It is in the context of the foregoing exercise that we bring you the latest from the Institute for Creation Research (ICR) — the fountainhead of creationist wisdom. They have this new article at their website: Edenic Diet Keeps Out Kidney Stones.

The bold font was added for emphasis. Here we go:

Most people know that fruits, vegetables, and grains are good for the human body. Decades of medical research have shown that eating a more vegetable-rich diet with less red meat, fried foods, and processed sugar can help reduce some cancer risks and the threat of cardiovascular disease. But new research shows yet another benefit, one that would be expected if Genesis is historically accurate.

Okay, we’re about to get some dietary information that will — we are told — demonstrate that “Genesis is historically accurate.” We’re a wee bit skeptical here, because … well, suppose there were some good recipes in the Iliad. What would that mean about the Iliad‘s historical accuracy?

If this line of inquiry is getting too philosophical for you, we’ll drop it — for the moment. Instead, let us return to ICR and read on:

In a study published online in the Journal of the American Society of Nephrology, medical researchers culled through data collected from over 250,000 individuals who participated in three clinical studies, gathering health and diet information.

It’s always a puzzlement how creationists will so readily cite a science journal as authority — when it suits them. We continue:

They found that people with a diet of “fruits, vegetables, nuts and legumes, low-fat dairy products, and whole grains and low intake of salt, sweetened beverages, and red and processed meats” had much fewer kidney stones.

That’s very nice, but what do the creationists at ICR say about it? We’ll skip some of their blather about kidney stones and get right to the creationism:

Further, the plant-product diet matches well with the Genesis record, which records the Creator’s original ideal diet:

And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat [food].
[ICR’s footnote says: Genesis 1:29.]

That’s “the Creator’s original ideal diet”? Who knew? Hey, what about this?

Genesis 4:2 And Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground.

Maybe that’s why Cain slew Abel — because of a divine preference for vegetarianism! Here’s another excerpt from ICR’s article:

Humanity’s rebellion and disbarment from the Garden of Eden and the subsequent destruction of the widespread tropical conditions that likely existed before the Flood eventually limited mankind’s menu.

Yes, we could no longer dine on dinosaurs. On with the article:

Perhaps in order to compensate for potential dietary deficiencies, God told Noah and his descendants in Genesis 9:3, after the Flood, that their diet would now include “every moving thing” along with the original “herb bearing seed.”

Perhaps. And now we come to the end:

While people can survive on animal products, a vegetable diet would presumably more closely resemble the original and best human diet. The lower incidence of kidney stones in connection to a more “Edenic” diet confirms this Bible-based prediction.

So, there’s your proof of scriptural creationism — the Genesis Diet. It helps prevent kidney stones.

It would have been preferable for us to have been designed with no possibility of kidney stones. Better still had we been informed about the deleterious effects — or even just the existence — of bacteria. In other words, tell us what we need to know that we can’t figure out for ourselves. Instructing us to “Eat your vegies!” just doesn’t do the job.

But, humble wretches that we are, we must be grateful for that which was given. And remember to be grateful that your shorts aren’t woven from poison ivy.

Copyright © 2009. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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10 responses to “Creationist Wisdom — Example 65: Diet

  1. Actually it was just the acai berries that did the trick. They were plentiful until the flood. Since then they have been so rare that you have to make sizable monthly payments to get a supply of the “miracle” supplement. Had you checked the Weather Channel website a few months ago* you would have been amazed at how moms in every city across the country lost 47 lbs with acai berries! C’mon, ICR. This is your real calling. What are you waiting for? 😉

    *They since changed the ads’ wording to something that not so obviously false.

  2. Ha! Last time I checked, the ICR was in Texas. Yeah, so telling a bunch of Texans to go vegetarian will really go over well…

    LOL!!!

  3. I don’t know why, but it’s been devilishly difficult to draft this post and make my point clear. So I just tweaked it a bit. I’m now saying that a divine instruction to “Eat your vegies” isn’t terribly impressive. And it certainly doesn’t prove creationism — nor does anything else, but this vegie business is really lame.

  4. So, if Adam and Eve were given every herb and tree bearing seeds as food, I take it there were no poisonous plants in Eden…

    The diet of most Iron Age people in the Middle East, except the very rich, probably consisted of mostly veggies and fruits, grains and so forth. Animals were kept, of course, but I think their wool and milk may have been as important as their meat.

    The Inuit in the Arctic traditionally ate a diet almost exclusively meat and fish except in the short summer.

    I wonder how ICR would explain Yahweh’s craving for roast cattle…

  5. Curmudgeon wrote: “I don’t know why, but it’s been devilishly difficult to draft this post and make my point clear. ”

    I got your point loud and clear the first time: ICR’s “be a vegan or suffer the consequences” argument no more provides evidence for any of the mutually contradictory “literal” interpretations of Genesis than does a Dembski “information” bait-and-switch (I’ve been following yet another one on the Panda’s Thumb). Heck, I can just say “42” and there will probably be some rubes who’ll take that as validating their particular version of Genesis.

  6. Dr. Jim wrote: “So, if Adam and Eve were given every herb and tree bearing seeds as food, I take it there were no poisonous plants in Eden…”

    Everyone knows that the forbidden fruit contained pesticides. Before that the human body contained no “chemicals”, hence was free of sin. 😉

    I shouldn’t laugh. There are probably some nonscientists where far-left meets far-right who’ll buy that.

  7. …and just when I thought AIG couldn’t get any stupider.

  8. A little editing note: You correctly identify the article as coming from the ICR but you later refer to it as from AiG.

    As for the article itself, I suppose if your entire objective to deny the massive amounts of science that shows that your theology is wrong, any science that doesn’t do that must look like confirmation of your beliefs … if you turn your head just right and squint hard enough!

  9. Thanks, John. I guess my brain went numb. All fixed now.

  10. I guess my brain went numb.

    An occupational hazard for those who read creationist crap all the time … I know from experience.