Ronda Storms Admits She’s An Extraterrestrial

Ronda Storms

LAST year we named Florida’s Ronda Storms the Creationist Queen of the Florida Senate for her fanatical zeal in promoting one of those anti-science, anti-evolution, pro-creationism bills modeled after the misleadingly-named Academic Freedom Act, promoted by the neo-theocrats at the Discovery Institute’s Center for Science and Culture (a/k/a the Discoveroids).

This year she became a Buffoon Award Winner and went on to commit numerous acts of legislative idiocy. See: Ronda Storms, Ronda Storms.

Well, Rapturous Ronda is back. We present to you, dear reader, some excerpts from Beer bill for Children’s Museum? Yes, but without Storms, which appears in the St. Petersburg Times, deep in the Florida Ark. The bold font was added by us.

This news article isn’t about creationism, but because it’s about Ronda — possibly the most outrageous creationist holding office in the US — we couldn’t resist. There’s something … well, otherworldly about her. Here we go:

Is it a good idea to serve alcohol at a Children’s Museum? That’s the question state Sen. Ronda Storms, R-Valrico, posed at a Hillsborough legislative delegation meeting today.

This is an important issue for someone as divinely inspired as Ronda. Let’s read on:

Museum leaders want a license to serve alcohol during special events at the museum, set to open in downtown Tampa later next year. They’ve asked local lawmakers to take their request via a local bill to Tallahassee, saying it will generate revenue.

Can you guess Ronda’s opinion on this matter? We continue:

“I question the wisdom of saying in order to make money we have to sell booze at the Children’s Museum,” Storms said. “If nobody finds that ironic, well, then I guess I’m on a planet all by myself.”

As we’ve always suspected. Ronda’s unearthly beauty was our first clue. Here’s more:

Her colleagues, though, said they expect museum leaders will exercise good judgment and keep the alcohol limited to fundraising events and private functions, such as weddings and bar mitzvahs.

“I doubt seriously that we’re going to walk into the Children’s Museum and see the Budweiser/Busch display for the children to interact with,” said state Sen. Victor Crist, R-Tampa.

That sounds reasonable. So what happened? Be patient; all will be revealed:

One by one, all of the delegation members voted to back the bill, sponsored by state Rep. Kevin Ambler, R-Tampa.

Storms cast the final vote, saying: “From my own planet, no.”

The article goes on with other legislative news, but nothing of interest to us. After Ronda’s stunning admission that she is not of this Earth, what else could be worth reporting?

And so, dear reader, we leave you with a question: What celestial orb is Ronda’s birth planet?

Copyright © 2009. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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5 responses to “Ronda Storms Admits She’s An Extraterrestrial

  1. Anyone else think that Storms looks like porno legends Gloria Leonard and Annette Haven? She even has a perfect name for the business.

  2. RWA, remember — she admits being from another planet. We can only see that her face somewhat resembles a human female, but we have no idea about the rest of her body. For all we know, she may be equipped for bearing litters, and needs six cups in her bra. Come to think of it, that might be an interesting porn flick…

    Another thought — now that she has admitted that she is not a Florida resident, how can she remain in office? Doesn’t Florida have residency requirements for those who would run for office?

  3. What I can’t figure out is how she even managed to get here. If the rest of her race is as stupid as she is, well …

  4. Oh, I just had a thought. Perhaps they’re not – they just wanted to get rid of her. That might even explain Alan Keyes!

  5. I don’t know, I sort of get her point about serving alcohol at the Children’s Museum. Doesn’t seem like the sort of message we want to give children. But, I can understand why the Museum wants to and I don’t have a problem with that as long as there are no children present in that event.

    Of course, that isn’t Curmy’s point.
    “What celestial orb is Ronda’s birth planet?”
    Obvious answer: Uranus.