Important News from prestigious Curmudgeon University:
ARE you tired of living a life with no respect? Would you like to move up in the world? Of course you would.
But you don’t want to send your money to some outfit like Patriot University, as Kent Hovind did. Patriot University was so proud of Hovind they used to have a page about him at their website, but it’s been taken down. And here’s the Wikipedia article on Patriot University (which now calls itself Patriot Bible University).
Wouldn’t you rather have a degree with some class? Now, at last, you too can earn an advanced degree from Curmudgeon University based on your life experience!
What kind of degree do you want? We currently offer:
Doctor of Creation Science (Tuition: $250.00)
Doctor of Intelligent Design (Tuition: $350.00)
Doctor of Oogity Boogity (Tuition: $375.00)
Any of the following life experiences will be sufficient to earn your Doctorate. However, to maintain our high standards, we will require proof — in the form of a notarized affidavit — that you qualify:
Living ten years or more under a bridge or its equivalent
Serving five years in prison for wife-beating
Working for an intelligent design think tank
Fathering three out-of-wedlock children (or being one yourself)
Being on welfare continuously for at least five years
Reading at least 50 Jack Chick comics
Spamming science blogs with at least 500 comments containing The Truth™ copied from creationist websites.
If you are fortunate enough to qualify, then send in your affidavit and the tuition for the degree of your choice. We’ll promptly send you a diploma, suitable for framing.
Impress your friends. Enjoy the respect you deserve. Apply now!
Remember: all Curmudgeon University graduates are fully qualified to Teach the Controversy. (Note: states may impose additional teaching certification requirements.)
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