Creationist Wisdom #110: The Serpent

Adam, Eve, & the Serpent

YOUR Curmudgeon once again brings you the view from Answers in Genesis (AIG), one of the major sources of creationist wisdom. They have an inspiring new article at their website: Shouldn’t the Woman (Eve) Have Been Shocked that a Serpent Spoke?

If the subject matter seems familiar, you’re right. We recently discussed another AIG article dealing with the serpent. See: Do Creationists Think?, which deals with the vital question of whether the serpent had legs. Today’s article is about another aspect of the serpent.

You may be wondering whether AIG is obsessed with the serpent, but it must be remembered that the serpent was instrumental in the Fall — the most important event in the universe since creation. The Fall brought death into the world, caused animals to be carnivorous, and slowed down the speed of light (a source of confusion for Darwinists). The serpent is therefore worthy of AIG’s intense concern. Besides, all things pertaining to the Genesis account of creation are essential to creationism.

Because of the supreme importance of this subject, we’ll keep the usual Curmudgeonly commentary between the paragraphs to a minimum. Instead, we’ll politely insert this subtle signal [Aaaargh!!] so that we don’t interrupt the article. We also added some bold font for emphasis. Here we go:

Often, people say that they can’t believe the serpent in Genesis 3 spoke because they claim animals don’t speak! …

Recall that even Balaam’s donkey spoke, with God’s help. So there should be caution about limiting what God did or didn’t do in the perfect Garden.

That’s a key point for Darwinists to understand, which is why your Curmudgeon is bringing you this information. Let’s read on:

The serpent was an instrument in the deception and also deserved a punishment, which God justly gave.

Right. Moving along:

Of course today, serpents don’t speak, but the Curse in Genesis 3:14 probably had something to do with this.

We pause for a brief Curmudgeonly interruption to provide the source data:

[Genesis 3:14] So the Lord God said to the serpent: “Because you have done this, You are cursed more than all cattle, And more than every beast of the field; On your belly you shall go, And you shall eat dust All the days of your life.

You see, dear reader, that they’re not making this up. We resume:

Perhaps this is the reason the particular kind of serpent that deceived the Woman did not pass along the ability to speak or may have even become extinct since the Fall.

That sentence of the AIG article refers to a footnote. We’ll give you that information here:

[Footnote 2:] There were no land-dwelling, air-breathing animal kinds extinct by the time of the Flood since representatives of each kind were aboard the Ark (Genesis 6:19–20). If this were a particular serpent kind that went extinct, it would have been after the Flood.

Aaaargh!! We resume again:

The fact that the Curse included “crawling on the belly” rules out a dinosaur as being the serpent that deceived the Woman since they walked upright.

Aaaargh!! We continue:

The issue of the Woman being shocked when she heard the serpent speak also has a couple of theological problems. First, everything in the Garden of Eden was new to the first couple — they’d only been alive for a short time. Even a bug, cat, or dinosaur would all be new, so they wouldn’t have been shocked at a talking serpent.

That makes sense! Here’s the final paragraph:

God programmed language into Adam and Eve (since they were able to speak immediately with God), which would have included some animal terminologies. So it shouldn’t have been shocking to see or hear something for the first time, when you’re already “programmed” to know about it.

So, this is what we learn: The serpent spoke, this wasn’t surprising to Adam & Eve, and it probably went extinct because of the Flood. Now you know. This is essential information for being a good creationist.

Update: See Creationist Wisdom #113: The Serpent Revisited

Copyright © 2010. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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18 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #110: The Serpent

  1. Most people would be ashamed to display such stupidity in public. And not just that it is a creation standpoint and illogical in an of itself, but there theology is pretty muddled too. If the Bible is inerrant then if it says Eve was shocked, then she was shocked, but this guy seems to be arguing that she shouldn’t be which would be in direct contradiction to their basic premise. That this is a theological problem is hilarious, since their being TWO different creation stories to begin with doesn’t ever seem to bother these yahoos.

  2. Janice in Toronto

    I love your new subtle signal:

    [Aaaargh!!]

    Really, it’s short, to the point, and an amazingly accurate indicator of the pain it has caused in one’s brain.

    [Aaaargh!!] Love it…

  3. I knew it, I knew it! When I first read the talking snake article on AiG’s website today, I said to myself: “Self, The Sensuous Curmudgeon is going to be all over this.”

    Slightly off topic: Did you notice on the same webpage with the talking snake article, up at the top is a lovely headline that proclaims: “Nearly two out of three students will walk away from the church.”

    They post utter childish nonesense about talking snakes, and then wonder why, when children become aware of the outside world, they turn their backs on superstition and silly fairly tales?

    The mind boggles.

  4. waldteufel says:

    Did you notice on the same webpage with the talking snake article, up at the top is a lovely headline that proclaims: “Nearly two out of three students will walk away from the church.”

    They’ve been talking about that for a while. Their solution to the problem is to try harder and start with the kids when they’re younger.

  5. I would have thought that the solution was to not let kids go to school in the first place. Home school and Bible College all the way!

  6. Is it true the snake spoke Esperanto?

  7. Longie asks: “Is it true the snake spoke Esperanto?”

    Wrong! Before the Tower of Babel, everyone spoke High Neanderthal.

  8. Can a creationist please explain the biophysics involved in a snake that talks with a tongue with no muscles and a lack of a vocal chord??? Cuz’, you know, it’s all about the “science”… the “creation science”….

  9. After much study and debate, many agonizing hours of meticulous and thorough examination of the texts, AiG has come to the conclusion that the Serpent in the Garden of Eden was NOT a dinosaur. Now we shall stand back and wait for the thunderous applause of REAL Science. Do they give Nobel Prizes for Wastes of Time?

  10. One thing conveniently ignored:

    If the sin of Adam brought evil into the world and caused The Fall, how did an evil serpent get into the Garden of Eden before evil existed?

    Or, to ask in a different way, why did God create evil serpents and put them in the Garden of Eden, when he knew full well that Adam and Eve were innocents and easily tempted.

    The Bible tells us God knows every hair on our heads, even before we are born. Clearly, he knows what will happen.

    So, he makes everything and gives Adam one rule (Eve doesn’t count, she’s just a woman). He knows the future, so he knows the evil serpent will convince Adam, via Eve, to sin, thus causing the Fall of Man and, as a result, pain, suffering, and death until the end of time.

    If we are to accept the Genesis account as accurate, then God is a major league a**hole.

    He could be likened to a parent who tells a child not to touch something, gets someone else to talk the child into doing it anyway, then beats the living s*** out of the kid for disobeying. That parent would have his or her children taken away.

  11. AiG article claims

    Of course today, serpents don’t speak

    Have they never heard of parselmouths, as featured in the documentary Harry Potter films?

    There is even an on-line English-Parselmouth translator available!

  12. Longshadow asks

    Is it true the snake spoke Esperanto?

    No.

    Most sola scriptura literalists appear to believe that all the patriarchs and other figures of the Bible spoke the English of King James (1566-1625).

    The serpent, however, most likely spoke Hissssperanto.

  13. scott marshall

    That there Michaelangelo feller was a card warn’t he?

    (see large version of illustration at top: http://freechristimages.org/Images_Genesis/Adam_and_Eve_in_Garden_Michelangelo.jpg)

    Not only did he make the serpent conspicuously FEMALE, isn’t fairly obvious how Eve was just er, persuading? Adam to go along with the program? And all on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. tsk.

  14. The serpent, however, most likely spoke Hissssperanto.

    Well done.

  15. If the sin of Adam brought evil into the world and caused The Fall, how did an evil serpent get into the Garden of Eden before evil existed?

    Time machine. Evil traveled back to eden via wyrmhole.

    Ba-da-bing!

  16. William Dembski just wrote a book along similar lines, eric: The End of Christianity: Finding a Good God in an Evil World

    Basically, God knew he would one day make Adam, and Adam would sin, thereby bringing evil into the world and causing The Fall. Since God knew it was gonna happen, he allowed the effects to be retroactive, thus explaining why all the animals and plants died in the hundreds of millions of years leading up to the creation of Adam.

    See, all death and destruction is a result of The Fall. Natural disasters are are “natural evil.” Yes, Adam is responsible for the plate tectonics that cause volcanoes, earthquakes, tsunamis, etc. He’s also responsible for bad weather: tornadoes, hurricanes, etc.

    Dembski’s book is stunning. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen such an extreme form of rationalization before in my life. Luckily, I happen to hear him being interviewed on a Christian Hate Radio show, Janet Parshall’s America. They had 4 copies to give away to the first four callers and I won!

  17. Dembski’s explanation is akin to a child torturing and killing every pet he owns, because he knows one day he will have a child, and that child will disobey him at some point.

  18. The fascination with the serpent by the religious right always amuses me. In psychology, isn’t it true that a serpent, or snake, is symbolic of a penis? Why do the RR’s all seem to be obsessed with sex? (while they accuse Agnostics and Atheists of being sex addicts – could it be jealousy on thier part?)