WE present to you, dear reader, a letter-to-the-editor titled Evolution theory, intelligent design, which appears in the Advocate, the major daily newspaper for Baton Rouge, Louisiana. We’ll copy all of today’s letter, omitting only the writer’s name and city, adding some bold for emphasis and our Curmudgeonly commentary between the paragraphs. Here we go:
The theory of evolution says that everything is winding upward. According to the second law of thermodynamics, everything is winding down.
Stunning! We’re not surprised, as the letter-writer is from Louisiana — the only state so far to have adopted one of those “academic freedom” laws, thus liberating the state’s schools to teach the science of creationism. We expect brilliant letters from Louisiana’s residents, and we’re never disappointed.
Then the letter-writer carefully explains the second law for the benefit his readers:
Think what would happen to your garden if it were left unattended. Weeds would take it over. Our bones and joints develop until we are about 25 years old. Then it is all downhill from there on. Why don’t we hear more about this law?
It could be a Darwinist plot to keep us in ignorance. Or maybe it’s because the letter-writer never had much occasion to deal with it. He’s described as a retired salesman — presumably a street vendor of okra and crawfish — so how often does the second law of thermodynamics come up in such a career?
Anyway, let’s read on:
Now take this clown Charles Darwin. And he is a clown, and we will prove it.
We await the evidence. The letter continues:
First he dropped out of medical school after about two years. Now here is a new word, “clownish.” After he dropped out of medical school, he went around some islands gathering feathers, bones and anything else he could get free. Because of illness, he went back to England and married his cousin. Now this was kinda clownish.
No doubt the letter-writer, drawing on his own family history, is thinking: Why reach out so far in the family tree, when one’s sisters are much more convenient?
But that’s not all. The evidence of Darwin’s clownishness continues:
Not being able to work, he wrote two books: “The Origin of Species” and “The Descent of Man.” Now descent contradicts his theory, and theory is all it will ever be. So let’s get rid of this “clown” forever and ever with all his garbage.
We’ve read a lot of creationist literature, but no one has ever made his case more succinctly. Here’s how the letter ends:
Now I am out of here. Do I believe in intelligent design? You betcha.
[Writer’s name and city can be seen in the original.]
Truly, dear reader, you must admit that this letter is a classic.
Copyright © 2010. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.