Tampa Creationist Running for School Board

The Florida Ark

The Florida Ark

WE have some thrilling news from that enchanted region we’ve been calling The Florida Ark. The what? According to the Curmudgeon’s Glossary:

The Florida Ark is that concave stretch of coast — an arc, get it? — starting at the Alabama border and then sweeping down the shore of the Gulf of Mexico all the way to Tampa, and a bit beyond. This blessed region is home to a great number of creationists.

Okay, we’re oriented. Now dear reader, we bring you news that an exceedingly hard-core creationist in Tampa, Florida is running for the District 6 seat on the Hillsborough County School Board. Hillsborough County, as you know, is the power base of Rapturous Ronda Storms.

The school board candidate is Terry Kemple. He’s the author of this letter which appeared in the Tampa Tribune back in 2008, during the height of the creationism madness in the Florida legislature: What’s The Fuss About Evolution? Here are a few excerpts, with our bold:

I can’t help but wonder what it is that fuels the vitriol when someone challenges the “theory of evolution.”

[…]

For taking a stand on this, news programs and blogs have called me everything from an imbecile to a conspiratorial plotter. Sen. Ronda Storms has been called even worse.

[…]

To ensure I don’t wallow in the same undefined morass as the Darwinists, “microevolution” would be the proven part of evolutionary theory that includes things like a bacterium becoming resistant to antibiotics and cows being bred to have more meat. “Macroevolution” is Darwin’s original theory that all life stems from a common single-celled ancestor.

Macroevolution is entirely unproven. … There is no fossil evidence of this happening nor has it ever been replicated in the laboratory.

That’s enough to give you a general idea. But we have more information on this genius. Here’s his campaign website: Terry Kemple Announces Candidacy for Hillsborough School Board. Strange picture of the guy. His site informs us that Kemple is President of Community Issues Council. That organization’s website says:

Community Issues Council was birthed out of a battle with the sex industry in Valrico, Florida that is described below.

[…]

In 2005 a strip club, euphamistically [sic] called a “bikini bar” because the strippers supposedly keep their clothes on, was quietly planning to open in a heavily residential location on State Road 60 in the heart of Valrico.

When a local mother found out about the plan she called Terry because he had led other grassroots efforts to protect Christian values in the community.

When there’s the threat of sex around, the people know to call Terry. Click over there and read the rest if you like. Do we have any more information about this virtuous man? Oh yes. In the St. Petersburg Times we read Brandon man leads charge against gay marriage in Florida. That’s also from 2008, but it’s very informative. Here are some excerpts, with bold added by us:

Terry Kemple, the man who would keep homosexuals from marrying in Florida, was saved 20 years ago. When he found Jesus, he did penance for his alcoholism, his neglect of three daughters. He begged their forgiveness. Then he set out to convert them.

[…]

Kemple and his eldest daughter, Bridgette, “dueled with broadswords.” They argued over abortion rights. They argued over homosexuality. She said it was genetic. He said it was a lifestyle choice.

“Why should I believe that, Daddy?”

“Because I said so.”

“You were more fun when you were drinking.”

Kemple is certainly impressive, but we like Bridgette better. Here’s one more excerpt:

He has made the protection of children his mission. He has hosted sexual abstinence rallies for thousands of teenagers, lobbied for right-to-life laws, declared war on lap dancing. He cruises Christian Web sites. He collects evidence of God’s banishment from classrooms, of porn­ographers’ subversion of the First Amendment.

Okay, that’s enough. We’ll be keeping an eye on Terry Kemple. Things are never dull in the Florida Ark.

Copyright © 2010. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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2 responses to “Tampa Creationist Running for School Board

  1. You know, his daughter may deserve an award for not taking a broadsword to her sire, from the sound of it. Of course if he gets more involved in politics, we may need to revoke the award and make it a chastisement…

  2. More info about the awesomely GODly Terry Kemple can be found at vote4kemple.com.