Creationist Wisdom #149: Anatomy Lesson

WE present to you, dear reader, what looks like a guest column in Texas’ second oldest newspaper. This work is titled Intelligent design by the ultimate designer, and it appears in the Victoria Advocate of Victoria, Texas.

The author is Raymond F. Smith, a deacon at Fellowship Bible Church in Victoria and President of Strong Families of Victoria. We were briefly tempted to title this one “Deacon Ponders Torso, Embraces Creationism” but that might have been disrespectful, so we decided to stay with our traditional style. The bold font was added by us. Here we go:

The study of the human body is the best example of Intelligent Design. There is no end of the intricate design features from man’s hair to the use of his toes.

This is very strange. It was your Curmudgeon’s contemplation of the human body that inspired us to write Buffoon Award Winner — The Intelligent Designer. We obviously have much to learn from the deacon. Let’s read on:

As I waited in the examination room for the doctor to come, I looked at all the posters that covered the walls. There were ones displaying the circulatory system, digestive system, skeletal system and muscular system with insets that covered the liver, kidneys, spleen, pancreas and other vital organs.

The deacon’s doctor could probably use a new decorator, but that’s not our concern here. Let’s continue:

I could not help but wonder at the complexity of it all and how all parts functioned together. Not only that, but I remembered that if any one of those internal organs failed, man would die.

See if you can picture it, dear reader. The deacon is in the doctor’s waiting room. He looks at the anatomy charts — the stuff that one finds in high school biology texts — and Ka-powie! Right then and there the deacon has his Damascus Moment.

This is thrilling, and we haven’t yet begun:

The point is, that any single miraculous design feature should point to God, but there are innumerable features like this all working together. Not only working together, but working automatically and silently without our notice. [Scripture quotations omitted.]

This is awesome. Here’s more:

Take the teeth, for example … Another spectacular organ is the heart. It has four chambers … The lungs are a blood cleansing device. … The esophagus is a muscular tube …

Your Curmudgeon is stunned. We have never yet seen the esophagus used as an argument for creationism. This is a day to remember! Moving along:

We could go on and on, but you get the idea.

Yes, we do. Another excerpt:

There is such a complexity and interdependence of body parts that only a great and superintelligent creator could have engineered so complex a machine.

Not yet convinced? Well then, get ready. Here comes the end of the deacon’s column:

Every time we discover some new body function we marvel at the intelligence behind its design. To God be the glory!

If that doesn’t inspire you, dear reader, then you are truly beyond our help.

Copyright © 2010. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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7 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #149: Anatomy Lesson

  1. As I waited in the examination room for the doctor to come, I looked at all the posters that covered the walls…I could not help but wonder at the complexity of it all and how all parts functioned together.

    Um…your first clue that all the parts do not always function together might have been that you are SITTING IN A DOCTOR’S OFFICE.

    Not only that, but I remembered that if any one of those internal organs failed, man would die.

    Man does die, every single one of us. Seems to me that the argument “if the design was bad, we would die” is a strong case against design, not for it.

  2. I could make a fatuous comment using “Oh, God! Oh, God!” and “That’s what she said,” but I won’t.

  3. “Every time we discover some new body function we marvel at the intelligence behind its design.”

    I had that epiphany at about the age of 11 when I discovered a new body function I had been previously unaware of. That kept me busy for the next several years…

  4. Too bad there weren’t anatomy charts for apes as well, so the “miracle” of making an upright biped by modifying a quadruped could be contemplated. Thank the Designer for back pain. And the ureters leave the bladder from an optimal position–for a quadruped, not for a biped.

    Off to the delivery room, and one finds out how well trying to get a large-headed baby through the ancestral birth canal works. Oh, it works, but hardly very well.

    “Turn your head and cough,” says the doctor to males. Only because testes still develop in essentially their ancestral position, then endothermy evolved, and testes had to move through the abdominal wall to a cooler place. So guys get hernias. Birds don’t, because evolution took another path, in which spermatogenesis worked at higher temperatures.

    We’re the crowning work of Design, of course. That’s why we’re afflicted by the apparent defects of evolution, because apparently the Designer just has a sick sense of humor.

  5. Yes. If ID stands for anything, it’s incompetent design.

  6. I want to hear him write the same article, while sitting in that same room, in about 40 years. I want to hear what he says about the designer then.

  7. retiredsciguy

    Berkeley Breathed, the writer of the “Bloom County” comic strip, did a great send-up of Intelligent Design. An obvious example of not-so-intelligent design he pointed out was the male nipple.