A Congressional Creationist Caucus?

There are many Congressional caucuses, or interest groups, for legislators who share common interests. Both the House and Senate each have Democratic and Republican Caucuses, and each chamber has splinter groups like the Tea Party Caucus. Each chamber usually has a Congressional Black Caucus — although the Senate doesn’t need one at the moment. There are also caucuses for Hispanic Republicans and Democrats.

But your Curmudgeon perceives the need for something new. We propose that each chamber should have a Creationist Caucus. It would be for the Noah’s Ark, missionary position members of Congress — those righteous souls who who support state-mandated creationism in school and mandatory chastity for all who aren’t married (in the traditional way). Such people are always supported by advocacy groups with the word “Family” in their names. Both parties have creationists, but in each chamber of Congress the Republicans would have the bigger caucus by far.

When the policies of the Creationist Caucus are enacted into law, schools will be purged of evolution, and everyone will be taught to believe that we are no kin to monkeys, that Noah’s Flood is actual history, the Ark was real, the earth is only a few thousand years old, and there was no Big Bang. The caucus members’ interests go far beyond education, of course. When their beliefs become law, all unauthorized sex will be outlawed. There will be no porn and no abortion. No science will be government-supported unless it’s consistent with Genesis. Most importantly, there will be no separation of church and state — as the Founders intended but somehow forgot to mention in the Constitution.

Who are likely to be members of the caucus? We’ve identified several creationist politicians here: Post-Election Wrap-up: Creationism’s Impact, and there are probably loads of closeted creationist office-holders of whom we’re unaware. Regarding Congress, the only one we know about in the Senate is Marco Rubio of Florida, but there must be more. In the House there is Scott Tipton of Colorado, Michele Bachmann of Minnesota, and Daniel Webster of Florida.

But those are only the tip of the iceberg. When the caucuses are formed, creationists will be free to un-closet and reveal themselves. That’ll be good for them and good for us too, because then we’ll know who they are.

Well, it’s fun to think about on a slow news day, but will there ever be a Creationist Caucus? Probably not, although there’s a need for it, and we’d definitely like to see it.

Copyright © 2011. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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11 responses to “A Congressional Creationist Caucus?

  1. Now why’d you have to drag the missionary position into this? The name is due to an urban legend from the 40s. Thomas Aquinas thought other positions were unnatural to humans, but since then very few religious authorities have had anything to say about it. There’s nothing particularly Christian about it, it seems to be pretty popular with most people–and bonobos and gorillas practice it too.

  2. comradebillyboy

    A Congressional Creationist Caucus?

    I’d guess a substantial majority of the members of the majority party in the house profess to be creationists so a separate caucus would probably be redundant. Now my cynical side would argue that a professional politician (regardless of party affiliation) would likely not believe in any thing but money and power.

  3. Gabriel Hanna says: “… bonobos and gorillas practice it too.”

    The range of your knowledge is most impressive.

  4. The range of your knowledge is most impressive.

    You can learn a lot from Wikipedia. Your implied meaning, however, is unworthy of response. Especially so since you’re always going on about Uranus.

  5. Curmudgeon: “When the policies of the Creationist Caucus are enacted into law, schools will be purged of evolution, and everyone will be taught to believe that we are no kin to monkeys, that Noah’s Flood is actual history, the Ark was real, the earth is only a few thousand years old, and there was no Big Bang.”

    That’s exactly the kind of stuff that the DI spins into pretending that their critics are stuck in the 80s and “don’t understand ID.” Even when it’s tongue-in-cheek as I’m fairly sure you meant it. Even the most clueless and/or committed flat-Earth “creationist caucus” members will be coached by Discoveroids into demanding only a phony “critical analysis” of evolution. Which of course allows students to infer floods, Arks, young-Earth, flat Earth. Even aliens if they so desire.

  6. There’s already a Tea Party Caucus, no? It’s not one-to-one correspondence but I’ll bet it’s pretty close.

  7. Signor Curmudgeon,

    How could you leave out Georgia congressman Jack “I don’t believe a creature crawled out of the sea and became a human being one day.” Kingston?

  8. Benjamin Franklin says:

    How could you leave out Georgia congressman Jack… Kingston?

    You’re right. In my defense, he just became “famous” recently, and I was reviewing my old notes.

  9. Gabriel Hanna

    @James F:It’s not one-to-one correspondence but I’ll bet it’s pretty close.

    You’d bet wrong.

  10. «There will be no porn»

    Kill me now 🙂

  11. Now not kidding (as in my last post), it’d be great to have such a caucus… a list of the people NOT to vote for.