There are many Congressional caucuses, or interest groups, for legislators who share common interests. Both the House and Senate each have Democratic and Republican Caucuses, and each chamber has splinter groups like the Tea Party Caucus. Each chamber usually has a Congressional Black Caucus — although the Senate doesn’t need one at the moment. There are also caucuses for Hispanic Republicans and Democrats.
But your Curmudgeon perceives the need for something new. We propose that each chamber should have a Creationist Caucus. It would be for the Noah’s Ark, missionary position members of Congress — those righteous souls who who support state-mandated creationism in school and mandatory chastity for all who aren’t married (in the traditional way). Such people are always supported by advocacy groups with the word “Family” in their names. Both parties have creationists, but in each chamber of Congress the Republicans would have the bigger caucus by far.
When the policies of the Creationist Caucus are enacted into law, schools will be purged of evolution, and everyone will be taught to believe that we are no kin to monkeys, that Noah’s Flood is actual history, the Ark was real, the earth is only a few thousand years old, and there was no Big Bang. The caucus members’ interests go far beyond education, of course. When their beliefs become law, all unauthorized sex will be outlawed. There will be no porn and no abortion. No science will be government-supported unless it’s consistent with Genesis. Most importantly, there will be no separation of church and state — as the Founders intended but somehow forgot to mention in the Constitution.
Who are likely to be members of the caucus? We’ve identified several creationist politicians here: Post-Election Wrap-up: Creationism’s Impact, and there are probably loads of closeted creationist office-holders of whom we’re unaware. Regarding Congress, the only one we know about in the Senate is Marco Rubio of Florida, but there must be more. In the House there is Scott Tipton of Colorado, Michele Bachmann of Minnesota, and Daniel Webster of Florida.
But those are only the tip of the iceberg. When the caucuses are formed, creationists will be free to un-closet and reveal themselves. That’ll be good for them and good for us too, because then we’ll know who they are.
Well, it’s fun to think about on a slow news day, but will there ever be a Creationist Caucus? Probably not, although there’s a need for it, and we’d definitely like to see it.
Copyright © 2011. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.