Ten-Foot Wide Creationist Wall Chart

You want this. You need this. It pleases your Curmudgeon to inform you about the Seven C’s Timeline Poster.

This essential educational aid is available from the gift shop of Answers in Genesis (AIG), one of the major sources of young-earth creationist wisdom. AIG is the online ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the creationist Australian entrepreneur who also brought you the infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum.

The last time we told you about an AIG gift item was Creation Museum Challenges The Time Cube! That cube was a cute little thing, but the Wall Chart is truly informative. We don’t see how you can get along without one. This is AIG’s description, with bold font added by us:

This wall size (10 ft. x 3 ft. 4 in.) chart provides an overview of the history of the universe from about 4000 BC to the beginning of the church age in AD 33.

Wowie — the entire history of the universe in one convenient chart! Let’s read on:

The Seven C’s of History provide a framework for understanding the true history of the universe as presented in the Bible. Although there are many other important biblical events, these ideas are often attacked by skeptics who believe the earth and universe are billions of years old.

What are the “Seven C’s”? We continue:

These seven critical events in history are depicted on the timeline with a picture, description, and historical events — Creation, Corruption, Catastrophe, Confusion, Christ, Cross and Consummation.

“Creation” is a familiar concept. “Corruption” obviously refers to the sin of Adam & Eve. “Catastrophe” is presumably about Noah’s Flood. “Confusion”? That’s probably the Tower of Babel. The next two we know. But what’s “Consummation”? Perhaps one of you can help us out.

Lastly they say:

A great evangelistic and teaching tool for homeschools and Sunday school classrooms!

No doubt. They also give a link to where you can order the chart in half-size — 60 x 20 inches. But we think that if you’re going to buy one of these you ought to get the big one — it’s a full 120 x 40 inches. Don’t cheat yourself; go all the way. It should be far more inspirational in the 10-foot size.

Hey — maybe one day they’ll offer that chart imprinted on a bedspread. Or a shower curtain. The decorating possibilities are endless.

Copyright © 2011. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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17 responses to “Ten-Foot Wide Creationist Wall Chart

  1. Hmmm… I wonder which version of Genesis they use?

    I wonder if they show the paternal history of Jesus and mention the fact that he’s a tenth generation Moabite?

    I wonder how they display the census, considering Heorod couldn’t have done it and no one else had a reason to?

    I wonder, but I don’t care enough to go find out.

  2. retiredsciguy

    AiG: “A great evangelistic and teaching tool for homeschools and Sunday school classrooms!”

    They’re missing a great marketing opportunity — I’m surprised they didn’t say, “A great evangelistic and teaching tool for homeschools, Sunday school classrooms and state legislatures!”

  3. “Creation, Corruption, Catastrophe, Confusion, Christ, Cross and Consummation”

    This is the *whole* of the history of the universe? Wow. It looks like a certain deity who shall remain nameless has a serious lack of imagination.

  4. I am not sure, but I think consummation refers to the end of the world.

  5. Of course it’s only after I posted that realize consummation can also refer to having sex. In that case I suppose Mary was lucky God wanted her to have a virgin birth if that’s how he consummates a relationship.

  6. cnocspeireag

    Rafael, you have the right of it. It probably refers to [mess]ing up the childrens’ heads (in a metaphorical sense: they are not catholic).

  7. Bob Carroll

    If they could reduce it to 20 feet by 4 inches, it would fit nicely on a-
    Naah, they wouldn’t do that – too practical.

  8. It’s certainly a more practical chart than a real one…which, if drawn to the same scale, would be over 6,500 miles long, give or take a few miles.

    I wonder why they stopped at 33AD? They could have charted the evolution of christianity from the various versions originally spawned through the creation and editing of the roman bible and the elimination of dissidents through the rise of even more variants (including Islam) and the generations of wars and witch hunts and inquisitions and religious power struggles until finally the enlightenment chased out the demons of ancient superstition and brought the modern secular world into existence. They could have made a much more interesting chart. What a lost opportunity.

  9. I believe that this is based on one of the various versions of Dispensationalism

  10. Why did they omit the 8th “C”? Surely, the apex of everything is Curmudgeon-hood.

  11. Ed: “I wonder why they stopped at 33AD?”

    I think if you unfold the right side of the chart you discover a few more feet covering the last 2ooo years. Then you find the there are really 10 C’s required to cover the entire history of the world.

    Conquest (or Crusades) — covers the golden age of divinely inspired genocide.
    Cluelessness — covers the ongoing struggle against science and reason.
    Cruelty — covers the treatment of children at the hands of the Catholic church.

  12. And on a serious note, I would guess that “Consummation” refers to the coming of the holy spirit. Sequentially it has to come after the crucifixion, so I’m not sure what else it could be.

    Or (just thought of this) it could mean the resurrection. That may not be covered by “Cross”.

  13. Or (just thought of this) it could mean the resurrection.

    That woul be my guess too. ‘Cross’ refers to Jesus’ death and ‘Consummation’ refers to the ressurection. This would be consistent with the chart ending at 33 AD.

    Any creationist who buys and displays this is simply handing ACLU lawyers more ammo. So I hope AIG sells lots (well, ideally I’d like it if they didn’t sell any, but as long as there are creationists I hope they self-identify by picking one of these things up).

  14. My memory is faded, but I seem to remember seeing something like this being sold relatively recently (as in ten or so years ago), but it was a modern reprint of a late 19th Century chart. It had the benefit of being charming and quaint with its old-fashioned type style (and a marvel to behold for its dense detail, making you wonder what a nightmare production must have been with 1800s printing technology). It also had a Creationist orientation and would have been a natural for home-schoolers, but mainstream Protestant parents who bought it with that in mind were dismayed to discover sections with a fantasy history of North America included — that is, it had orginally been producted by and for Mormons. Still, it had a certain appeal as an artifact of its age and would have made an interesting wall decoration for the den. This modern thing doesn’t even that going for it.

  15. cnocspeireag says:

    “Rafael, you have the right of it. It probably refers to [mess]ing up the childrens’ heads (in a metaphorical sense: they are not catholic).”

    Believe it or not, the Catholic church actually does not deny common descent. As Christian churches go they are much more “liberal” than it appears on the surface. They simply hold that God directly creates the soul. Regarding the abuse cases, I’ve heard of plenty in the Protestant churches as well… so there’s plenty of good “gawd feerin'” preachers that are in on that act.

    I’d be much more worried about brainwashing in the Bible Thumping southern states than the roman church. They may be a dinosaur, but as these things go at least they’ve shown willingness to start thinking outside of their little box.

    Any way you slice it the story of most organized religions is one of power hungry, greedy leaders who dupe their respective flocks. It pretty much true whether the faith is one out of the Middle East, the Far East, or even home grown like the Mormons or the (ultimate in goofy) Scientologists.

  16. darwinsbulldog

    Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, and crazy crap.