Strictly speaking, this isn’t about The Controversy between evolution and creationism. But it involves some names in the Florida Senate that are familiar to our readers, and it shows what these people are thinking about when they’re not trying to jam Noah’s Ark down everyone’s throat.
In the Bradenton Herald of Bradenton, Florida we read Fla. Senate: No to droopy drawers, sex with animals. That paper doesn’t like people posting their precious content, so we’ll just tell you what they report.
With virtually no debate, the state Senate voted to pass two bills. We’ll take them one at a time. The first is the work of Gary Siplin who, according to Wikipedia, “is the first convicted felon to serve in the Florida Legislature, and sponsored legislation that would restore voting rights to himself and other convicted felons.” He has also been a dependable ally of our old creationist friend, Buffoon Award Winner — Ronda Storms.
We’ve written about Siplin’s legislative work before. In It Starts with Christmas we discussed his resolution to make “Merry Christmas” the State of Florida’s official greeting for December 25. You can track its progress here: SR 320: Merry Christmas. Nothing’s happened with it yet. Siplin and his buddy, Ronda Storms, have also introduced legislation authorizing religious license plates — see Ronda Storms Update (28 Apr ’09).
Siplin’s latest effort is SB 228: Code of Student Conduct, which mandates that:
Each district school board shall adopt a dress code policy that prohibits a student, while on the grounds of a public school during the regular school day, from wearing clothing that exposes underwear or body parts in an indecent or vulgar manner or that disrupts the orderly learning environment. [Emphasis supplied.]
When your Curmudgeon was in school we didn’t need a state law for that. Had we dropped trou on school grounds, it would have been catastrophic for us. Have school principals become totally feckless, which makes such a law necessary, or is Seplin a legislator with far too much time on his hands? Hey, it’s better for him to focus on kids’ mooning and flashing their underwear than to be mandating creationism in science class.
Okay, that’s the “Droopy Drawers” part of our title. What about the “Bestiality” bill? That one is the work of Senator Nan H. Rich. (She and Siplin are both Democrats, by the way.) Nan’s bill is SB 344: Animal Cruelty. You really need to read it for yourself. Here’s the text of SB 344 . It says that no person can “knowingly engage in” or “cause, aid, or abet another person to engage in any sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal.” And it provides a lovingly-crafted, anatomically precise definition of the prohibited conduct, to wit:
But the bill has an exception. It doesn’t apply to “accepted animal husbandry practices, conformation judging practices, or accepted veterinary medical practices.” Your Curmudgeon has spotted another loophole, which you may want to keep in mind. Why? Get serious — you’re a Darwinist, aren’t you? The Florida legislature knows what’s going on.
Okay, pay attention: As written, the bill only prohibits “knowingly” engaging in such behavior. So you can always say you didn’t know what you were doing. It’s worth a try.
We know, you’re wondering how the bestiality bill is progressing. Well, it’s sailing through the Senate and there’s a related bill in the House: CS/HB 125: Animal Cruelty. Also, the Bradenton Herald tells us that Ronda Storms (there’s the creationism connection) says: “I don’t even want to speculate why” there would be opposition to the bestiality bill.
We think Ronda does want to speculate about such things — but that’s our own speculation. Anyway, it’s comforting to see that the lawmakers in Florida are hard at work, tending to the urgent business of the people.
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