Attention, creationists! Are you suffering from inadequacy online? Are you feeling inferior because you have no education? Are you so stupid that no one will respond to you? When they do respond, is it only point out your errors in spelling and grammar? Would you like to become a genuine force on the internet?
Then be a troll! Yes, now you too can be a real internet troll! Your Curmudgeon will show you how.
Trolls always have a good time, and their comments get lots of responses. As a troll, you’re sure to be the center of attention. Other creationists will praise you. Never again will your comments be ignored. And as a troll, you’ll enjoy the power you have to ruin any Darwinist blog or forum thread just by showing up and trolling. If the Darwinists ban you, that’s good. It proves that they fear you. Oh, the fun!
Creationist trolling is easy. It’s simple. And the beauty of it is … you don’t have to know anything! The Curmudgeon’s Toolkit™ is a complete catalog of a professional creationist’s intellectual inventory. To make it even more useful, you can choose the arguments to match your favorite flavor of creationism. Do you admire the Discoveroids? Then use the arguments from their column. Answers in Genesis? We have a column for them too. If you want to troll in pure nasty mode — to show those Darwinists what you really think of them — we’ve got you covered. Likewise for everyday, letter-to-the-editor style creationism. It’s all here!
Just print out this toolkit and then copy the arguments that suit your feelings. Or use one or two items at random every time you post. Don’t worry if someone refutes you. Just repeat your earlier comment — they’re always good. Then keep on trolling! You’ll drive the Darwinists crazy! Guaranteed!
|Discoveroids||Answers in Genesis||Nasty Troll||Typical Idiot|
|Hitler, Stalin, Mao, etc||The bible is literally true||Darwinism is your religion||[Quote any creationist]|
|Teach the controversy||Genesis says six days||Christian-bashing!||What’s the origin of life?|
|Irreducible complexity||All mutations are harmful||Government grants||What are you afraid of?|
|Pro-Darwin lobby||The Flood did that||You’re a homosexual||You have no evidence|
|Critical thinking||Choose God’s word or man’s||God-hater!||That’s a “just so” story!|
|Strengths & weaknesses||Isaac Newton was creationist||Take your meds||Piltdown Man|
|Academic freedom||Sin caused that||Arrogant jerk||Opinion polls say …|
|The cell is complicated||Darwinism is immorality||Burn in hell||It’s only a theory!|
|Darwin was a racist||Were you there?||Fairy tale for adults||No macro-evolution|
|Cambrian explosion||[Quote scripture]||I pity you||Granddaddy was no ape|
|Stop the censorship!||What made the Big Bang?||You’re a Marxist||Tornado in a junkyard|
|Complexity proves design||Science proves creationism||It’s all about sexual freedom||Why are there still monkeys?|
Addendum: Here are a few more that we couldn’t conveniently fit into the table: Use a mined (i.e., out of context) quote, claim that the odds are against evolution, that carbon-dating is worthless, that thousands of brilliant scientists have secret creationist leanings but are afraid to speak out for fear of being Expelled, and that evolution violates the Second Law of Thermopylae.
Copyright © 2011. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.