You’re getting a special treat today, dear reader. We’re bringing you two different letters-to-the-editor, each one from a different newspaper, but both from Florida — a state which is currently in the grip of a creationist legislature. For each letter we’ll give you a few excerpts, omitting the writer’s name and city, and we’ll add some bold font for emphasis.
Darwin’s Theory of Evolution is just that — a theory. There are several different thoughts and theories on how this world began and how we got here and you have to have faith to accept any of them.
Yes, there are indeed various thoughts on how the world began; but Darwin’s theory isn’t one of them. Let’s read on:
When you think of the complexity of the human body and the complexity of the universe it makes much more sense to accept intelligent design. As with the theory of evolution, this also takes faith.
That’s very impressive. In one single sentence we are given a complete description of the “theory” of intelligent design — and a complete catalog of all the evidence which supports it. Alas, this letter is a brief one, and it ends like this:
As for me and my house, we accept by faith the Genesis account of creation.
That’s just great! The second letter appears in the Florida Times-Union, the major daily newspaper of Jacksonville, Florida. This one has a promising title: Making sense of it all. Let’s jump right in:
Help me out. I’m a little confused by all this talk of evolution and creation. Let’s see, my house had a builder and a designer, so did my cellphone and my car and the tools I use. Even NASA has designers and builders; the medicine I take does, also.
When someone starts one of these discussions with “Help me out …” we immediately suspect that he’s beyond all help. The letter continues:
But much of the scientific and educational community want me to believe the gifted people who are responsible for all these things just slowly happened, which if I’m not mistaken is the same group of people where The World is Flat, Man Will Never Fly Society had its early beginnings.
Huh? Is anyone in this world really that confused? It seems so, and we’ve found him. Please note that the letter-writer has given us another signal: “If I’m not mistaken …” That usually introduces an Ark-load of error. Can this guy continue at this level of incomprehension? We’ll see:
If I follow that logic correctly, this means that s-l-o-w-l-y nothing times nobody s-l-o-w-l-y equals everything. Just how does that happen? Very slowly, I guess. It’s not like that anywhere but in science and education.
Glorious! The letter-writer has given us yet another signal: “If I follow that logic correctly.” At least he’s informing us that even he knows the value of his thinking. Few creationists are so courteous. One last excerpt:
Well, despicable me. I guess I’ll just have to give my MENSA card to Forrest Gump. But it requires more faith to believe than in intelligent design.
Maybe he really does have a MENSA card. As we’ve observed before, it’s the strangest ducks who brag about it.
After consulting the Curmudgeon’s Indicia of Ironically Imperious Ignorance (the IIII), we note that the only phrase he didn’t use to signal his hopelessness was: “Last time I checked …”
Your Curmudgeon is frustrated. Are there no challenges in Florida, or are all their creationists like that?
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