Creationist Wisdom #180: Two in Florida

You’re getting a special treat today, dear reader. We’re bringing you two different letters-to-the-editor, each one from a different newspaper, but both from Florida — a state which is currently in the grip of a creationist legislature. For each letter we’ll give you a few excerpts, omitting the writer’s name and city, and we’ll add some bold font for emphasis.

The first letter appears the St. Augustine Record of St. Augustine, Florida, and it’s brillintly titled Darwin’s theory is just a theory. Here we go:

Darwin’s Theory of Evolution is just that — a theory. There are several different thoughts and theories on how this world began and how we got here and you have to have faith to accept any of them.

Yes, there are indeed various thoughts on how the world began; but Darwin’s theory isn’t one of them. Let’s read on:

When you think of the complexity of the human body and the complexity of the universe it makes much more sense to accept intelligent design. As with the theory of evolution, this also takes faith.

That’s very impressive. In one single sentence we are given a complete description of the “theory” of intelligent design — and a complete catalog of all the evidence which supports it. Alas, this letter is a brief one, and it ends like this:

As for me and my house, we accept by faith the Genesis account of creation.

That’s just great! The second letter appears in the Florida Times-Union, the major daily newspaper of Jacksonville, Florida. This one has a promising title: Making sense of it all. Let’s jump right in:

Help me out. I’m a little confused by all this talk of evolution and creation. Let’s see, my house had a builder and a designer, so did my cellphone and my car and the tools I use. Even NASA has designers and builders; the medicine I take does, also.

When someone starts one of these discussions with “Help me out …” we immediately suspect that he’s beyond all help. The letter continues:

But much of the scientific and educational community want me to believe the gifted people who are responsible for all these things just slowly happened, which if I’m not mistaken is the same group of people where The World is Flat, Man Will Never Fly Society had its early beginnings.

Huh? Is anyone in this world really that confused? It seems so, and we’ve found him. Please note that the letter-writer has given us another signal: “If I’m not mistaken …” That usually introduces an Ark-load of error. Can this guy continue at this level of incomprehension? We’ll see:

If I follow that logic correctly, this means that s-l-o-w-l-y nothing times nobody s-l-o-w-l-y equals everything. Just how does that happen? Very slowly, I guess. It’s not like that anywhere but in science and education.

Glorious! The letter-writer has given us yet another signal: “If I follow that logic correctly.” At least he’s informing us that even he knows the value of his thinking. Few creationists are so courteous. One last excerpt:

Well, despicable me. I guess I’ll just have to give my MENSA card to Forrest Gump. But it requires more faith to believe than in intelligent design.

Maybe he really does have a MENSA card. As we’ve observed before, it’s the strangest ducks who brag about it.

After consulting the Curmudgeon’s Indicia of Ironically Imperious Ignorance (the IIII), we note that the only phrase he didn’t use to signal his hopelessness was: “Last time I checked …”

Your Curmudgeon is frustrated. Are there no challenges in Florida, or are all their creationists like that?

Copyright © 2011. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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6 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #180: Two in Florida

  1. A comment about Mensa. When we were younger, my wife and I were members for several years. The only requirement for membership is scoring in the top 2 percentile on standardized tests – in our case, it was the SAT we took in high school.

    Through that membership we discovered that scoring well on a test has almost no bearing on how rational a person is, what sort of judgement they have, whether they are ethical or not, what sort of taste they have, how socially adept they are – frankly, a high score on a test is simply a testament to having learned a particular set of facts well enough to regurgitate them on an early morning in the high school gym. It most definitely is NOT evidence of “genius”. However, the self-congratulatory nature of Mensa is such that it inspires it’s members to think they know a lot more than they actually do about almost every subject, from politics to science, and all they have to do is trot out their Mensa membership to prove their credentials as a “certified” genius. Obviously not all members are this way, but in my experience working with people I considered to be true geniuses (actual rocket scientists, for example), none were members of Mensa while others in lesser roles in my company touted their membership. I grew to believe that really smart people do not need a card in their wallet to reassure them that they are smart.

    That’s my sordid and embarrassing tale of Mensa membership.

  2. But much of the scientific and educational community want me to believe the gifted people who are responsible for all these things just slowly happened

    Of course those people slowly happened! Each of them took 9 months to go from a single cell to 5-10 lbs, and another 18 years to go from that 5-10 lbs to their adult weight. What sort of idiot believes people don’t slowly happen?

  3. So, IF I’M NOT MISTAKEN, what the letter writer is trying to say is that it makes WAY more sense to him that we are all the offspring of two magical people and their incestuous children, rather than the result of a very natural, gradual process that has been proven time and again to have occurred. I guess you’d have to be suffering from inbreeding depression to “think” like this.

  4. SciTech says:

    So, IF I’M NOT MISTAKEN, what the letter writer is trying to say is that …

    If I follow your logic correctly, and the last time I checked my MENSA card was still in my wallet, you’re saying that the Genesis account shouldn’t be taken literally. Is that it? Help me out here.

    (P.S.: I don’t have a MENSA card.)

  5. Precisely, SC! Correct me if I’m wrong, but Biblical mythology just doesn’t stand up to rigorous scientific facts, and therefore shouldn’t be taken seriously or literally. Or at all, no matter how despicable you are. It’s like saying “No thanks” to the cool-aid.

    (SC, I’m SURE you don’t have a MENSA card, I think you’re too smart for that.)

  6. Did I read correctly one commenter at the St Augustine said that male and female cannot evolve concurrently?

    What %$$%#%$#^%$#^%$# … sorry, I was about to use words that would ban me from this blog forever … Curmy, really, sometimes it is so hard to keep this rated below 14A …