Leprosy, Armadillos, and Creationism

The big news today is reported by Medical Xpress in Indigenous cases of leprosy found in the United States. They inform us that:

There are only around 150 cases of leprosy in the United States each year. Most of these victims have worked abroad in areas in which leprosy is endemic, making it likely that they may have acquired the disease while outside the US. But, to the alarm of health authorities, a third of all patients infected appear to have contracted the disease locally.

Egad! How can one contract leprosy in the US? Here’s how:

The hypothesis that the disease is transmitted though contact with armadillos — aside from humans, the only other known carriers of the leprosy-causing bacteria — was confirmed by fine-grained DNA analysis of both armadillo and human samples done at EPFL [École polytechnique fédérale de Lausanne, located in Lausanne, Switzerland.].

Armadillos? But they’re so cute! Let’s read on:

It became clear that leprosy patients who never travelled outside the US but lived in areas where infected armadillos are prevalent were infected with the same strain as the armadillos. These findings prompted the researchers to state in the article that “Frequent direct contact with armadillos and cooking and consumption of armadillo meat should be discouraged.” The study also suggests that armadillo range expansion should be monitored.

Are you paying attention? You must immediately cease all contact with armadillos. What’s worse, you have to stop eating them. For some of you, this means a massive change in your daily diet. But for the rest of us the vital question is: Where do armadillos live? For that we have to find another source.

We visited Discovery.com (no known connection to the Discoveroids) which has this article: Armadillo Culprit for Leprosy Cases. There we learn more about the recent study of leprosy bacteria:

[The study involved] 33 armadillos from southern states as well as 50 skin biopsies from humans living with leprosy. Scientists discovered the strain of the bacterium was nearly identical in human and animal samples.

Okay, they’re located in southern states. We continue:

In total, 39 subjects living with leprosy reported residence within the same geographic area as armadillos and nearly three-fourths of the same group reported not leaving the country, ruling out foreign exposure to the bacteria. In addition, nine subjects recall having direct contact with armadillos.

The plot thickens. To find the information we want we needed to consult a map included with the article, which shows “Sites where infected armadillos were sampled in this study.” What does the map show? You guessed it — most of the dots are in Louisiana! Other dots are in neighboring states, including Texas. Florida is also shown as part of the armadillo’s range. You know what this means, don’t you?

Yes, that’s right — those are the same states where we’ve been encountering continuous creationist activity! Coincidence? We think not.

Now we can give you the Curmudgeon’s Conjecture of a Correlation between Creationism and Consumption of Armadillos (CCCCCA). Armadillos not only carry leprosy, but they also carry creationism.

You read that correctly. We think the creationist activists in Florida, Louisiana, Texas, and nearby states are all likely to be armadillo eaters. Not only are they afflicted with creationism — which is bad enough — but they should immediately seek professional help to learn if they also suffer from leprosy. We wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve all got it.

Copyright © 2011. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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8 responses to “Leprosy, Armadillos, and Creationism

  1. Your source of armadillo range is out dated.
    We have had them here in West Tennessee for years.
    Frequently seen as road kill.
    That shouldn’t disprove your theory of spreading creationism as
    well as leprosy, though. Lots of the former in this area.

  2. Okay, that’s truly a streeeeeetch. But funny!

  3. Haha, SC! Thanks for the laugh! I like how you think!

  4. Leprosy is easily cured with antibiotics. If there is a correlation, do you think creationism can also be cured with antibiotics? This could be the breakthrough we’ve been waiting for!

  5. Ed asks:

    Leprosy is easily cured with antibiotics. If there is a correlation, do you think creationism can also be cured with antibiotics?

    The creationism infection is too strong for antibiotics. I recommend hourly colonic purging.

  6. Colonics? Myeh, I’ll pass. My favorite treatment is a large Scotch and Carl Sagan DVDs.

  7. Is there such a thing as a colonic for a brain? (Seems reasonable, since the affliction is the same – being full of $*&%!!!)

  8. Oh, my GOD! I had an armadillo salad sandwich for lunch today!
    What should I do? If there are no medical treatments, is there any
    chance I will recover?

    Maybe I should just go jump into a river and wash my sins away…. and
    start going to church again. How dreadful…….