Curmudgeon Releases His Birth Certificate

We’ve put this off as long as we could, but the clamor has become more than we can deal with. Okay then, to satisfy your insatiable curiosity, here it is:

Certificate of Live Birth

NAME: Curmudgeon, Sensuous | TITLE: The

SEX: Male | AGE: None at time of birth

YEAR: 365 days, idiot! | DATE: Too young to date, leave your number

MOTHER: “Mom” | OCCUPATION: Legendary virginal beauty


PLACE OF BIRTH: Uterine terminus

YEAH, BUT WHERE? Enchanted heath

SIGNS & PORTENTS: Total eclipse, comets, flock of eagles, etc.

REMARKS: Ain’t no kin to no monkey

OFFICIAL SIGNATURES & SEAL: (Strangely missing)

Copyright © 2011. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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14 responses to “Curmudgeon Releases His Birth Certificate

  1. Just who are you trying to fool, fool?

    That “document,” obviously fake, says “Certificate of Live Birth” not “BIRTH CERTIFICATE!”

    We’re not idiots, you know. Nice try.

  2. Yeah, but where’s your long form! On second thought, we need to see the hospital records. And, oh yeah, what about your college transcripts? Huh?

  3. Cute, Curmie!

    (wondering how I missed the clamour)

  4. Well I believe you, SC. That certificate looks pretty darn real to me and the answers make good sense. Maybe not curmudgeon-ly enough for my tastes, but close enough to settle the issue once and for all: the Sensuous Curmudgeon is real and with documentation to prove it.

  5. When I open it as a PDF, it has layers! Photoshopped!!!!ONE!!!!

  6. His Curmudgeonliness uses the Royal “We” way to much to be an authentic “Merikan.”

    WE DEMAND THE LONG FORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. !!!!!1!!!!1!111111111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1eleventy-one!!!11!!!!!!!!111!!1!1!1!!!!!!!

  8. Odd, but my birth certificate lists under “Sex” the entry “whenever possible.” I suspect this is a fake, and you ought to be deported.

  9. SY says: “you ought to be deported.”

    Yes, but to where?

  10. (conducts heat analysis of form) Huh, I see blue… and white… and some black… you know what that means, don’t you? DON’T YOU?!?!

  11. Gary says: “you know what that means, don’t you? DON’T YOU?!?!”

    Yes, it means I’ll never satisfy the conspiracy fanatics.

  12. But this doesn’t prove that Gene Ray isn’t your mother ….

  13. SC says: “Yes, it means I’ll never satisfy the conspiracy fanatics.”
    I just thought it meant I wasn’t color blind.

  14. Your dad was a rocket in the rack:
    Holidays at your house must have been er… interesting?