End of the World Countdown: Four Days Left

Global excitement is building as we approach May 21, the End of Days foretold by California evangelist and Armageddon promoter Harold Camping. Our earlier posts in this dramatic series began with World Ends Next Week. Goodbye Everyone!, followed by End of the World Countdown: Five Days Left.

According to Wikipedia’s article about Camping’s end times prediction, the Rapture will take place on May 21, 2011. Only around 200 million people will be raptured. As for the rest, the end of the world will occur five months later — on October 21, 2011. Camping’s website gives information about his calculations, and his Family Radio website informs us that on 21 May:

A great earthquake will occur. … This earthquake will be so powerful it will throw open all graves. The remains of the all the believers who have ever lived will be instantly transformed into glorified spiritual bodies to be forever with God.

On the other hand the bodies of all unsaved people will be thrown out upon the ground to be shamed. The inhabitants who survive this terrible earthquake will exist in a world of horror and chaos beyond description. Each day people will die until October 21, 2011 when God will completely destroy this earth and its surviving inhabitants.

That’s the prediction. Although there are only four days remaining, the reality has not yet begun to sink in. People seem to be in denial mode, which is a classic reaction. When they finally accept the truth it will be too late.

Here’s a brief look at what the press is reporting today, with bold font added by us. In the Des Moines Register of Iowa, which we had thought was a deeply religious part of the US, we read Most agree: World not ending Saturday. They say:

Camping, 89, and those who follow him and his California Family Radio ministry believe the world is toast come May 21, allowing the rest of us to reach a rare consensus: “You can’t be serious.”

Conservatives and liberals alike. Catholics, Protestants, Jews and Muslims. Evangelicals, mainliners, mystics. Agnostics and atheists. Just about everyone concurs: The world isn’t ending Saturday.

That’s what they’re saying today. We’ll see if they’re still scoffing on Friday night. Leaving Iowa, we see that the Philadelphia Daily News reports Atheist’s dog-sitting is a rapturous business. They tell us:

[A] retired retail executive for a major national chain, has found a way to profit from what he sees as the misguided beliefs of God-fearing Bible thumpers.

“I’m not looking to make a statement here,” said [Bart] Centre, 62, an atheist author and founder of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. “I’m looking to make money.”

The fool! What good will money do him after Saturday? The newspaper then quotes him as saying:

A lot of people send us hate mail, saying we’re godless heathens and we may want to eat their pets – or have sex with their pets,” Centre said …

[…]

The company – launched two years ago in response to the belief that the Mayan calendar marks Judgment Day as Dec. 21, 2012 – has 258 clients in 26 states so far. Christian radio evangelist Harold Camping’s prediction that the end will come this weekend has been good for business.

That whole thing is tragically stupid. We’ve already explained that your dogs will be raptured with you. In most cases they’ll probably be raptured instead of you. But it doesn’t matter what people like that do. By the time they figure it out — if they ever do — it won’t make any difference.

We continue to receive requests for our Curmudgeonly counsel about how to prepare for The End. As we did yesterday, we herewith offer our advice for some commonly asked questions:

Dear Curmudgeon: I have been chaste all my life, despite the increasingly vigorous demands of my girlfriend. She says that after the rapture we may not be able to … well, you know. Should I yield before it’s too late? You should resist temptation and continue to preserve your purity. If your girlfriend is unhappy with that decision, send her over here. We have considerable experience in dealing with such problems.

Dear Curmudgeon: I suffer from chronic constipation. What will happen to me on the 21st? Rejoice! All your troubles will be left behind.

Dear Curmudgeon: I just won the lottery. Should I bother to collect the multimillion dollar prize? No, you don’t want to be encumbered with earthly things. Send us the ticket and we’ll take care of it for you.

That’s all for now. We’ll be monitoring the situation as long as conditions permit. Stay tuned to this blog for the next installment of our End of the World Countdown.

See also: May 21 End of the World Open Thread.

Copyright © 2011. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

add to del.icio.usAdd to Blinkslistadd to furlDigg itadd to ma.gnoliaStumble It!add to simpyseed the vineTailRankpost to facebook

. AddThis Social Bookmark Button . Permalink for this article

14 responses to “End of the World Countdown: Four Days Left

  1. A great earthquake will occur…

    That’s going to happen, and Camping will clutch at it.

    Millions of earthquakes occur per year, and at least one 5+ magnitude quake can be reasonably expected to occur on any given day. See here for relevant statistics.

  2. I am glad I don’t drink coffee, but my monitor is now covered with the water, I’d been drinking.

    I am concerned about how to deal with all those bodies thrown from their graves. I live near an old gravesite. Will the authorities clean the mess up?

  3. Lynn Wilhelm says: “Will the authorities clean the mess up?”

    That depends on how rapidly your municipal services break down. But we suggest that you grab a carcass or two and stash them away. There will certainly be a shortage of food in the limited time that remains.

  4. comradebillyboy

    I just bought a lovely new Benelli M2 shotgun for sporting clays. Maybe I’ll have better targets on Saturday. Skeet shooting for the rapture oh yes!

  5. comradebillyboy says: “Skeet shooting for the rapture oh yes!”

    The Rapture — a target-rich environment!

  6. Assuming one could actually bring down a rapturing body, would it re-rapture? Or does a rapturee have only one chance to make it through the flak. In the second case, you would have one angry zombie on your hands.

  7. Ed says: “Assuming one could actually bring down a rapturing body”

    If a parachutist can be shot while he’s dropping down, it makes sense that a rapture subject on his way up could just as easily be shot.

  8. Gabriel Hanna

    @SC:“I’m not looking to make a statement here,” said [Bart] Centre, 62, an atheist author and founder of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. “I’m looking to make money.”

    Where’s my hat tip?

    @Ed:Assuming one could actually bring down a rapturing body, would it re-rapture? Or does a rapturee have only one chance to make it through the flak.

    Questions such as these are pondered in “Do Fake Boobs Go To Heaven?”, a review of Left Behind by Rod Dreher, formerly of National Review.

    http://old.nationalreview.com/comment/comment020601b.shtml

  9. I’m amused at the idea of all these bodies being ejected from their graves. Perhaps we unbelievers shouldn’t have eaten so many preservative-laden Twinkies.

  10. @Gabe – the link is a entertaining review of Left Behind, but frustratingly, the writer never answers the question about fake boobs! My guess is no, so amongst the pile of clothes left behind by a departing rapturee, there would be various artificial body parts including silicon bags in some cases. This is based on the theory that everyone would get thorough body restoration, else heaven would be populated by zombies, skeletons, the occasional disembodied tooth…

  11. MontyMoose

    Well, let’s get the betting pool started:

    Where will Harold Camping be on Sunday night, May 22sd?
    1. Raptured
    2.Ruptured
    3. Dead From Natural Causes
    4. Dead From Suicide
    5. Hiding Out so It Looks Like He Was Raptured
    6. Blowing the Whole Thing Off and Back on the Radio Asking for Money

    Chip in $1 US per vote and we will get some beer and pizza for Sunday night.

  12. You should resist temptation and continue to preserve your purity. If your girlfriend is unhappy with that decision, send her over here.

    Oh, you dog!

  13. There is an interesting Wiki page on Harold Camping. I was surprised that he earned his engineering degree from UC Berkeley. He’s not entirely stupid.

    The Wiki page has a good pic of him taken this year.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harold_Camping

  14. “Do Fake Boobs Go To Heaven?”

    No, but apparently plenty of real boobs do.