Discovery Institute: Secret Conversation #4

Once again, dear reader, we have received data from our top secret InterStall™ bathroom listening device which one of our operatives placed between two stalls in the men’s room of the neo-theocrats at the Discovery Institute‘s creationist public relations and lobbying operation, the Center for Science and Culture (a/k/a the Discoveroids, a/k/a the cdesign proponentsists).

The earlier intercepted communications about which we posted were: A Secret Conversation (#1), and then Another Secret Conversation (# 2), and most recently Another Intercepted Discoveroid Conversation (#3).

Here’s what we received from the latest voice-activated transmission. As before, the voices are fuzzy and there are plumbing sounds in the background, so we can’t be certain who’s talking or whether our transcription is accurate. From the context, we’ve labeled one voice as “Boss” and the other as “Westie” — whoever they may be. We’ve added some links where we think it’s appropriate, but you’ll have to make of this what you will:

Boss: Westie, our most generous patron has called twice today, and I can’t keep ducking him. He’s going to want some explanations.

Westie: I know, Boss. This is very embarrassing. Our Academic Freedom bills have all died this year. It was a clean sweep. We failed in Florida, Kentucky, Missouri, New Mexico, Tennessee, Oklahoma, and now Texas. It’s been a bad year.

Boss: I really thought we had a winner in Tennessee, but …

Westie: Yeah, the Darwinists got us at the last minute. I donno what to say, Boss.

Boss: Can’t you give me anything I can report as a success? Our patron has given us millions, and he expects us to produce results.

Westie: Tell him about Louisiana. We just has a victory there. [See Creationism Repeal Fails in Committee.]

Boss: Louisiana? Some high school kid almost cost us everything we’ve accomplished there. We had to pull every string we’ve got to keep the lid on. You think that was a victory?

Westie: At least it shows we can hold onto our gains.

Boss: What else can I tell our patron? You gotta give me something!

Westie: Well, there’s our litigation strategy. We’ve still got the Coppedge case —

Boss: Come on, Westie. We’re gonna get our heads handed to us in that one. From what I’ve seen, it’s amazing that guy didn’t get fired years ago. [See Coppedge v. JPL & Caltech.]

Westie: Yeah, but anything can happen at trial, and that’s not until October. After that we can appeal …

Boss: Great, so we’ve got a few months until the roof falls in on us. What else have you got? And please — don’t waste my time telling me about Casey’s crusade against junk DNA. [See There’s No Junk DNA.]

Westie: Casey means well. Hey — there’s that case against the California Science Center. [See AFA v. CSC.]

Boss: Oh yeah — another loser. When’s that mess going to trial?

Westie: Late July. But the appeal should keep us alive for another year or two. Remember what I told you before. Our plan is to use the Bill of Rights to implement the wedge strategy. We never got anywhere with that Teach the Controversy slogan, and we’re getting nowhere with our legislative program for Academic Freedom [see Academic Freedom bills]; but this is different. We’re fighting for our civil rights!

Boss: Our patron has heard all that before. Got anything else?

Westie: Remind him of all the creationists looking for the Republican nomination — Bachmann, Pawlenty, Santorum, Perry — a whole bunch of them. Tell him we’re feeding them information. We’re doing vital work behind the scenes. We’re on the verge of a breakthrough — you know what to say.

Boss: I’ve been through this with him before. We’re always on the verge of a breakthrough. Okay, I’ll do what I can. But don’t forget — if he cuts us off, we’ll be lucky to find jobs teaching at bible colleges.

That’s all there is, dear reader. We can’t vouch for any of it, but we think that’s what we heard. InterStall™ strikes again!

Copyright © 2011. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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6 responses to “Discovery Institute: Secret Conversation #4

  1. RetiredSciGuy

    Sounds like a plausible conversation. Wouldn’t be surprised if Westie & The Boss are sending out their resumes about now.

  2. Gee. someone ought to keep a lookout for Senator Craig…

  3. Our plan is to use the Bill of Rights to implement the wedge strategy. We never got anywhere with that Teach the Controversy slogan…

    In that environment, I’d be more concerned about wedgie strategies. Actually, I’d like to withdraw my comment regarding Senator Craig. In all fairness, I have no idea what his (wide) stance is on evolution.

  4. I always wondered what those crafty Dishonesty Institute mendacious intellectual pornographers were discussing in their bathroom stalls. Thanks to your InterStall™, now I know. They’re probably also whining and moaning about the collapse of their IDEA “empire” across college campuses.

  5. New ISP number, John Kwok? It’s been two years. If your comments are temperate, you can have another go at it.

  6. @ The Curmudgeon –
    Oui, c’est moi. But I didn’t post to curry favors from you, but instead, to praise you for your most intriguing bit of “audio” sleuthing from our “friends” at the Dishonesty Institute. You need to recognize that I’m on your side, if you haven’t already.