It was exactly two years ago today that we astounded the world by publishing our paradigm-shattering Theory of Abominable Befuddlement — which has been universally celebrated as the ultimate scientific breakthrough of our time.
For those who are somehow unaware of what we accomplished, here is one brief excerpt from our earlier post, which illustrates the baffling problem we solved:
[H]ow can a creationist brain even exist? Surely, the defects that produce such a malfunctioning organ should have been filtered out of the gene pool long ago. The continued existence of creationists among us can be cited as evidence against natural selection. Therefore, we must boldly acknowledge the Paradox of Creationism: Creationism exists; and if evolution can’t account for it, then what does?
Our breakthrough insight was the Theory of Abominable Befuddlement™ (commonly abbreviated as “AB”) which holds that certain features of the creationist brain are best explained by an Abominable Befuddler, and not by an undirected process such as natural selection.
For ordinary men — even for most extra-ordinary men — such an achievement would have been sufficient for a lifetime. But that’s not your Curmudgeon’s way. Having already mastered the mysteries of the Time Cube, we were eager to advance to the next level of spiritual growth.
As the world’s foremost befuddlement theorist, we undertook the labor of studying the output of creationists in order to find proof of our theory. Our method was to look for nuggets of irreducible befuddlement, which could not possibly have been the product of any rational thought process. We knew that if we found such evidence, we would have irrefutable proof that the Befuddler not only exists, but that he is still at work. (This is in striking contrast to the Intelligent Designer, whose last known activities were long ago in the Cambrian.)
So we went looking for evidence — and we found it!
Where did we find our evidence? You needn’t have asked. It’s available at the blog of the neo-theocrats at the Discovery Institute‘s creationist public relations and lobbying operation, the Center for Science and Culture (a/k/a the Discoveroids, a/k/a the cdesign proponentsists).
The article we’re using to showcase the evidence was posted earlier this month at the Discoveroids’ blog. It’s one of many that we could have chosen, but we haven’t written about this one before. It’s by David Klinghoffer, a Discoveroid “senior fellow” (i.e., flaming, full-blown creationist), and it’s titled Darwinism and the Impoverishment of Beauty.
Klinghoffer’s post is about some reviews of a movie called Tree of Life, but we’re not interested in the film. We’re looking for nuggets of irreducible befuddlement, and you will undoubtedly agree that we found them. Here are some excerpts, with the self-evidently befuddled portions highlighted in bold font, to which we have also added color for additional emphasis:
If art can make a case for ID [intelligent design “theory”], it’s equally true that art itself points to a design transcending our natural world and would be devastatingly blunted in a world where materialism and Darwinism had driven out the sense of life’s enchantment.
Self-evidently befuddled, right? But there’s more:
The threatened impoverishment of beauty deserves consideration as being at stake in the cultural struggle over Darwinian theory, right up there alongside the impoverishment of meaning, enchantment, and faith.
And still more:
Imagine if Darwinists really won the argument and we all finally accepted at a really deep level that appeals to the divine and the transcendent are illusory. … If that were even possible, it would mean the crippling of great art.
For now, of course, we all live under a suffocating blanket of materialism.
It goes on and on, finally ending with this:
Oh, for the Bronze Age! Compared to us, between Darwin and the Internet, between Anthony Weiner and David Wojnarowicz and all the rest, they had it easy.
So there you are, dear reader. Now you know with absolute certainty — the Abominable Befuddler walks among us!
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