Self-Published Genius #12: The “Researcher”

The usual creationist with a vanity press book promotes his writings by paying for a press release, and so it is with today’s specimen. But our latest find is more mysterious than most, being described only as a “researcher and author.” That makes this news exciting!

As with other paradigm-shattering discoveries, today’s proud author has announced his work by hiring a press release service. This one is issued by an outfit we’ve encountered before. It’s called PRWeb, which “gets your news straight to the search engines that everyone uses, like Google, Yahoo and Bing.” Their Pricing page reveals that their “Basic Package” costs $80. We assume that’s what we’re dealing with now.

The press release we found is titled New and Advanced Science Discovered that Not Only Proves Religion but Revolutionizes Evolution and Creationism as Never Before . Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us:

According to Colton Bach, researcher and author of the new book: 2012 Facts & The New Science Of Religion & Evolution; A new and advanced science has been discovered that not only proves religion, but revolutionizes theories on Evolution and Creationism. No longer is [sic] science and religion separate.

Here’s a link to the book at Amazon: 2012 Facts & The New Science Of Religion & Evolution (Volume 1) . We observe that the publisher is something called CreateSpace . Yup, it’s a vanity outfit.

Let’s read on, as the press release quotes the author:

“[My book] reveals 2012 prophecies of major events to come, and how they will scientifically unfold to make 100% sure you survive them. It also reveals a new and advanced science that not only proves religion, but revolutionizes theories on Evolution and Creationism. It reveals all secret truths as never before including 2012 discoveries in genetics, secret revelations about our changing human DNA, the secret origins of Mankind, our Solar System, Planet X, and much more; many of which are hidden within the Bible and ancient texts.” – Colton Bach

Prophecy, proof of religion, the secret origins of man, Planet X … good Lord, Planet X! This is the book you’ve got to have! We continue:

Sacred ancient knowledge reveals all truths through the secret science of 2012 as never before.” – Colton Bach

Wow — sacred ancient knowledge! What a book!

At the end of the press release we are given two quotes. One from Pope John Paul II and one from Darwin. The Darwin quote is about the eye — it’s frequently taken out of context by idiots to “prove” that Darwin didn’t believe his own theory. We’ve discussed it many times before and it’s included here: Common Creationist Claims Confuted.

The Papal quote is this, but be careful — it comes from a creationist and we haven’t verified its accuracy:

Science can purify religion from error and superstition; religion can purify science from idolatry and false absolutes. Each can draw the other into a wider world, a world in which both can flourish…We need each other to be what we must be, what we are called to be.

We don’t know what to make of any of this, but it’s possible, dear reader, that the work of this mysterious “researcher” may change your life. If that happens, think kindly of your Curmudgeon, and let us know how things are going for you on Planet X.

Copyright © 2011. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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11 responses to “Self-Published Genius #12: The “Researcher”

  1. I bring you Colton Bach and the Truth!


  2. Hey, he’s got a “donate” button. Sounds like a worthy cause.

  3. I’m fairly sure that Pope John Paul II wrote the first sentence, but I have no idea about the rest. Haven’t found a reliable (reliable IMO anyway) source yet. Doesn’t matter. I’m going out to buy the book so I can find out how to pray water into a snowflake. /

  4. Ellie says: “I’m going out to buy the book …”

    Then you’ll never know about Planet X.

  5. Oh, I know all about Planet X! It’s from Duck Dodgers in the 24½th Century (1953), with Daffy Duck (and Porky Pig as “Eager Young Space Cadet”). The plot of the cartoon involves Duck Dodgers’ search for the rare element Illudium Phosdex, “the shaving cream atom.” In the future, the only remaining supply is on the mysterious “Planet X,” (which fortunately is found when Dodgers follows a path leading from Planet A to Planets B, C, D, etc.) But beware of Marvin Martian, or he’ll disintegrate you with his disintegrator gun. (And when it disintegrates, brother, it disintegrates!)

  6. Where is Duck Dodgers when we need him?

  7. I read the disclaimer at his website, “This publication (work), Copyright 2011 Colton Bach, All Rights Reserved, is provided “as is,” with all faults, for
    entertainment purposes only.”

  8. including 2012 discoveries in genetics

    Next year’s discoveries? Bah, they’re probably already in preprint. I’m more interested in knowing the 3012 discovieries in genetics.

    beware of Marvin Martian, or he’ll disintegrate you with his disintegrator gun.

    Was it a disintegrator or a modulator? I seem to recall ‘space modulator’ being part of his tag phrases.

  9. @eric:

    Ah, you refer to the “Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator”, which resembles a stick of dynamite. Marvin attempts to destroy the Earth with it because it obstructs his view of Venus. That’s not in Duck Dodgers, though, (it first appears in Hare-Way to the Stars with Bugs Bunny, 1957) and doesn’t occur on Planet X in the canon. These distinctions are important to a “Researcher”.

  10. (A MUST READ!)

    The author “Colton Bach” -legally speaking- had to insert an iron clad disclaimer because “sadly” in todays times it is very easy for a person to sue another person over the littlest things. If a person read “2012 FACTS & The New Science Of Religion & Evolution” then went out and did something “rash”, claiming they were so disturbed by what they read, they could then turn around and sue the author. However because he was smart enough to put in such an extremely good disclaimer, “which make his work essentially invincible from anyone trying to sue for any reason” he now will not have to worry about anyone trying to sue for any reason. The Author will tell you or anyone that his work is a work of FACT!,
    the real deal,
    legally however he had to put in the disclaimer to protect himself and his work, as it should be protected. a smart move considering what he reveals is his book is heavy info that, like it says, proves religion.
    it’s heavy stuff, in the best way.


    I have read the book and wow. Their are enough revelations in this book for 2 life times of research. it’s hardy MEAT & BONES!! no filler! it gets straight to the facts and evidence! very informative both to the mind and spirit. i truly will never look at the world the same way again. so much information is revealed, it’s simply …. “a must read” for anyone who seeks the truth.