Bigfoot and the Intelligent Designer

Consider, dear reader, which is more likely to exist: Bigfoot or the Intelligent Designer.

You undoubtedly have heard of Bigfoot, also known as Sasquatch. This elusive creature, although widely believed to be a hoax, nevertheless can boast of evidence for his existence — footprints, videos, photographs, and the testimony of eye witnesses. In addition to all that, as an alleged hominid, his existence is biologically possible. So the uncertain case for our shaggy cousin isn’t crazy; it depends on the quality of the evidence.

Now let us consider the Intelligent Designer. The champions of his existence are the neo-theocrats at the Discovery Institute‘s creationist public relations and lobbying operation, the Center for Science and Culture (a/k/a the Discoveroids, a/k/a the cdesign proponentsists).

The Designer is an even more elusive creature than Bigfoot. He has left us no footprints, there is no one who claims to have seen him, and there are certainly no photos of the critter. Added to his impoverished résumé is that fact that he’s usually assumed to be not of this earth, so we have no clues about the biological possibility for his existence.

Indeed, the Designer seems to be solely a conjecture, an all-purpose explanation for whatever phenomenon his advocates feel is beyond their capacity to understand. Or in the case of phenomena that are explained but the Designer’s advocates don’t like the explanation, the Designer is a substitute explanation. That’s the essence of his phantasmal existence. He’s a bit of a proxy — a substitute for an hypothesis when there is no hypothesis.

But even if he’s nowhere to be seen, the Designer is nevertheless very convenient to have around; everything can be blamed on him. Defaulting to the Designer as a cause is ever so much easier than finding the real cause of something. But for all his convenience — which is his only characteristic — the Designer has nothing else that can be said for him. He’s almost certain to be a delusion.

Is there any hope for the Designer? No, not really. Unless he decides to show up and reveal himself, he will forever remain as unreal as the ubiquitous but imaginary Kilroy. Less so, really, because Kilroy was memorialized in uncountable graffiti messages which clearly proclaimed his presence.

But we have a suggestion. Are you paying attention, Discoveroids? Listen to your Curmudgeon, because this is your only chance to achieve even a shadow of credibility. The Designer should be merged with the legend of Bigfoot!

That will give the Designer a much-needed image. He’ll have footprints and a substantial cadre of true believers. No more of this ephemeral flitting around injecting information into DNA when no one is looking. Once the merger is accomplished, the Designer will be a genuine entity. As genuine as possible, anyway.

So give it some thought, Discoveroids. Keep in mind that Bigfoot inhabits the Pacific Northwest, which is where you’re located. This may be the answer to all your problems.

Copyright © 2011. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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15 responses to “Bigfoot and the Intelligent Designer

  1. He has left us no footprints, there is no one who claims to have seen him…

    As a former firefighter/EMT, I beg to differ. I’ve picked up many people who have claimed to have seen Him.

  2. Gary,
    They were hallucinating.
    Cathy

  3. Until then: “Bigfoot: More real than the Intelligent Designer”

  4. Curmy: “The Designer should be merged with the legend of Bigfoot!”

    Really? How can an entity that left no footprints be conflated with “Bigfoot”?

    On a related matter, imagine one of the Discoveroids testifying in court. “Do you swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth, so help you Intelligent Designer?”

    They’d have a whole different way of cussing than the rest of us, too.

  5. Tomato Addict

    The Intelligent Designer is Bigfoot? Good going Curmie, now they have at least twice as much evidence to prove his existence. 😉

    As a former firefighter/EMT, I beg to differ. I’ve picked up many people who have claimed to have seen Him.

    Prophets and seers, every one.

  6. Interesting solution, but it involves a potentially embarrassing PR problem – namely, His Holy’s holy hygiene. “God” would have to have, according to all accounts, notoriously stinky B.O.

    “The Great Pumpkin” from the Peanuts cartoon TV specials has always been my conceptual frame of reference, along with the Terry Gilliam cut-out animation from Holy Grail. Because if there is a God, he’s undeniably a cartoonist. If you doubt it, go to any 7-Eleven or Wal-Mart on earth, and look around you.

  7. Enough of this North American chauvinism. The Intelligent Designer is the Loch Ness Monster. It is aquatic, there is fleeting photographic evidence for Nessie, many claim to have seen it (some were even sober at the time) and it is scottish. Our own fundies who go back further than yours – indeed we have five or six sects of them at the last count since the Presbyterians are schismatic over everything except the literal words of their Good Book – do not accept evolution nor indeed much else that happened after the end of the 16th century.

  8. The most well-known Discoveroid of all, Michael Medved, is a Bigfoot believer. I have not heard whether he thinks that Bigfoot is the designer that his buddies Behe and Dembski claim to have caught red-handed, so feel free to call in to his radio show to ask.

  9. Richard T says:

    Enough of this North American chauvinism. The Intelligent Designer is the Loch Ness Monster.

    You may be right. This could be a genuine scientific controversy.

    many claim to have seen it (some were even sober at the time) and it is scottish

    Ah, that’s where your hypothesis collapses. No true Scotsman is sober when sighting Nessie.

  10. “Enough of this North American chauvinism. The Intelligent Designer is the Loch Ness Monster.”

    Shouldn’t Yeti also be included?

  11. retiredsciguy says: “Shouldn’t Yeti also be included?”

    Yes, and Batman too.

  12. etiredsciguy says: “Shouldn’t Yeti also be included?”

    I would say not at this time, or not Yeti.

  13. Makes sense. You ever notice how they always show God as a big bearded head? What are they hiding by not showing his body, hmmm?

    This theory explains all sorts of things. If God is that hirsute, and Adam was made in His image…well, I think I now know why Lilith ran away. And why Eve might have been tempted (by a smooth-skinned snake!) to give Adam a death-if-you-eat-it apple. If only God had given Adam a razor, we might never have fallen!

  14. eric: “I think I now know why Lilith ran away.”

    You met Frasier, I take it. 😉

  15. Yes, and Batman too.

    Getting back to my FF/EMT days, I had patients who claimed to be a super-hero (namely, Superman… don’t remember anyone claiming to be the Caped Crusader). So, I guess my seeing them could count as a sighting, couldn’t it?
    P.S. @Cathy: Not all of them were hallucinating (though that would account for the majority). Some were simply crazy; others were having non-drug related episodes such as a nervous breakdown.