The Invisible Interstellar Imp

It’s always dangerous when there’s a news lull in The Controversy between evolution and creationism. That’s when your Curmudgeon either posts something about politics (and offends so many of you), or else he does something original.

Today we’ll try some originality. But what spectacular originality! You’ve heard of the Discoveroids’ insipid intelligent designer (see Discovery Institute: Intelligent Design Redefined). And you’ve chuckled at the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Today you’ll learn of the ultimate explanatory theory — the Invisible Interstellar Imp (or III).

Our theory — the result of decades of solitary contemplation — accounts for literally everything that scientists can’t figure out. That makes it the most powerful and all-encompassing theory ever devised — and there’s nothing supernatural about it.

You want supporting evidence? No problem! Everything that isn’t explained is scientific data that supports our theory. Moreover, we’re not dogmatic like the Discoveroids are about their magical designer. If something previously attributed to the III turns out to have a better explanation — that’s okay with us. We don’t need any dubious data! We cheerfully accept verifiable, non-III explanations and move on. There’s always more than enough evidence to support our III theory.

In what other ways (besides not being supernatural) does the III differ from the intelligent designer? Primarily it’s because the III wasn’t conjured up solely to challenge the theory of evolution. That’s why III theorists don’t waste their time on stupid things like the bacterial flagellum. Evolution can handle that stuff.

Another problem with the Discoveroids’ intelligent designer is that no one knows why he does what he allegedly does. III theory doesn’t have that problem, because we boldly describe the III’s motives. The III does what he does because he has a sense of humor. That’s why so many otherwise inexplicable things happen. Did you accidentally leave your car’s lights on last night and this morning the battery was dead? It wasn’t you, it was the III. Problem solved!

Think about it, dear reader. Once you accept III theory — as you must due to the overwhelming quantity of supporting evidence — so much of the world becomes explainable and understandable. Verily, III theory is mankind’s greatest intellectual milestone. And it was your humble Curmudgeon who made the breakthrough.

Copyright © 2011. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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9 responses to “The Invisible Interstellar Imp

  1. Ceteris Paribus

    Hmm,
    III Law of Lost Things:

    When searching for some lost object, waste no time in futile, preliminary, reconnaissance. What you want will always be found in the last place you look. So go there straightaway.

  2. Curmudgeon: “That’s when your Curmudgeon either posts something about politics (and offends so many of you)”

    I for one am not offended at all. I’ve come to accept the fact that everyone is to the left of me on some issues.

    BTW, does III share common ancestors with the Talk.Origins troll who’s initials are “II?”

  3. AFAIK, the DI’s ID “theory” (and pretty much all ID “theories”, except for “theories” like the YEC ID “theory”) is compatible either the III as the IDer or the FSM as an IDer. It is also compatible with the Greek or Roman gods as IDers. the IDer. It is compatible with Odin, Vili and Ve as IDers.

    That’s why it has such broad appeal, among the ignorant, the uninformed, and believers and theocratics of all stripes.

    The IDer(s) can be anything you want it/him/her/them to be. There are many, many ID theories.

    I’ve even met (very confused) Theistic Evolutionists who call themselves “believers” in ID.

    Most people have even less knowledge and understanding of what DI’s ID “theory” is than they do of the ToE. The DI likes it that way and has no interest in clearing up the confusion. On the contrary, it wants to promote more confusion — as long as, at a minimum, more and more people come to the conclusion there is a legitimate “Controversy” between ID “theory” and the ToE.

  4. How do you pronounce III?
    Might introduce the III at our next interstellar conference
    in Frog Jump.

  5. The Imp of Inexplicability!

    BTW,

    the result of decades of solitary contemplation

    Did you perchance mean to write “decades of solitary confinement”?

    😉

  6. Ceteris Paribus says, “When searching for some lost object, waste no time in futile, preliminary, reconnaissance. What you want will always be found in the last place you look. So go there straightaway.”

    The comedian David Brenner said it: “Of course you always find it in the last place you look! Who keeps looking for something once you find it?!”

    Charley Horse asks, “How do you pronounce III?”
    I propose we follow the example of Desi Arnaz, as in: “Aye, Yi, Yi, Lucy!!”

  7. @CeterisWhen searching for some lost object, waste no time in futile, preliminary, reconnaissance. What you want will always be found in the last place you look. So go there straightaway.

    Oh, I am stealing that! It’s almost as good as this tip for surviving a plane crash: wait until just before the plane hits the ground, then jump as high as you can.

    @Charley Horse“How do you pronounce III?”

    As “three”, obviously.

  8. “The comedian David Brenner said it: “Of course you always find it in the last place you look! Who keeps looking for something once you find it?!””

    Someone who doesn’t like what he has found.

    III is “God of the Gaps”; ie the God of anyone who doesn’t reject science outright but also wants a God explanation for the as yet unexplained.

  9. Gabriel Hannah says we should pronounce III “As “three”, obviously.”

    As in the Holy Trinity?