It’s always dangerous when there’s a news lull in The Controversy between evolution and creationism. That’s when your Curmudgeon either posts something about politics (and offends so many of you), or else he does something original.
Today we’ll try some originality. But what spectacular originality! You’ve heard of the Discoveroids’ insipid intelligent designer (see Discovery Institute: Intelligent Design Redefined). And you’ve chuckled at the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Today you’ll learn of the ultimate explanatory theory — the Invisible Interstellar Imp (or III).
Our theory — the result of decades of solitary contemplation — accounts for literally everything that scientists can’t figure out. That makes it the most powerful and all-encompassing theory ever devised — and there’s nothing supernatural about it.
You want supporting evidence? No problem! Everything that isn’t explained is scientific data that supports our theory. Moreover, we’re not dogmatic like the Discoveroids are about their magical designer. If something previously attributed to the III turns out to have a better explanation — that’s okay with us. We don’t need any dubious data! We cheerfully accept verifiable, non-III explanations and move on. There’s always more than enough evidence to support our III theory.
In what other ways (besides not being supernatural) does the III differ from the intelligent designer? Primarily it’s because the III wasn’t conjured up solely to challenge the theory of evolution. That’s why III theorists don’t waste their time on stupid things like the bacterial flagellum. Evolution can handle that stuff.
Another problem with the Discoveroids’ intelligent designer is that no one knows why he does what he allegedly does. III theory doesn’t have that problem, because we boldly describe the III’s motives. The III does what he does because he has a sense of humor. That’s why so many otherwise inexplicable things happen. Did you accidentally leave your car’s lights on last night and this morning the battery was dead? It wasn’t you, it was the III. Problem solved!
Think about it, dear reader. Once you accept III theory — as you must due to the overwhelming quantity of supporting evidence — so much of the world becomes explainable and understandable. Verily, III theory is mankind’s greatest intellectual milestone. And it was your humble Curmudgeon who made the breakthrough.
Copyright © 2011. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.