Ronda Storms, Voyeurism, & the Garden of Eden

Buffoon Award

That jolly logo is for Ronda Storms, the creationist queen of the Florida Senate back in 2008. See: Buffoon Award Winner — Ronda Storms. Here’s Rapturous Ronda’s page at the Florida Senate’s website. Isn’t she lovely? To remind you of Ronda’s glory days four years ago, see Her Most Rapturous Moment.

Our last post about Ronda was several months ago: Ronda Storms’ New Crusade: Voyeurism. She was sponsoring a bill in the Florida Senate to raise the penalty for video voyeurism in Florida from a misdemeanor to a third degree felony, which seems like a good idea. The bill was motivated because some landlord had allegedly hidden cameras in an apartment he had rented to two young women, and because it was only a misdemeanor the police couldn’t do very much.

Today’s post was inspired by an editorial the Tampa Tribune about the same topic: Punishing video perverts, which is in favor of Ronda’s bill. They quote her as saying:

Anyone can go online or to the nearest electronics store to purchase equipment that would have been available only to James Bond several years ago. It is easy to use this technology in the wrong way and spy on others against their will.

That got us thinking, and when we think of Ronda we naturally think of creationism, Adam & Eve, and the Garden of Eden. Then it hit us — What if the Garden of Eden were like a porn freak’s apartment? This is an unusual thought and we may never return to it again, but Ronda’s legislative career inspired us so we’re going to tell you about it.

Here’s the setup: Some guy walks up to a handsome young couple and tells them that he’s a philanthropist and he’s chosen them to receive a gift — free rent for life, with free food included. He’ll provide for all their needs. They’ll never have to work again. All they have to do is accept his generosity and move into his lovely house. The only restriction is that they have to avoid his locked cabinet where he keeps his personal stuff. Otherwise they have the full run of the place, to enjoy as long as they live.

And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:

But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. [King James Version, Genesis 2:16-17]

Of course the young couple accepts, and for quite a while they live there happily, grateful to their generous benefactor. They are blissfully unaware that hidden cameras record their every moment — while they eat, while they sleep, and … yes, you know.

Then one day, maybe out of curiosity or maybe by accident, the women opens the landlord’s forbidden cabinet. To her shock and horror she discovers it’s loaded with recording equipment, and it has stacks of videos showing her and her lover in — shall we say — their most private moments. She immediately shows her young man what she’s found.

And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. [King James Version, Genesis 3:6]

What’s the first thing the young couple does? Naturally they put their clothes on. They decide to stay in the house until they can get jobs and move out, but in the meanwhile they’ll provide no more entertainment for their landlord.

And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. [King James Version, Genesis 3:7]

But before long their observant landlord realizes something is wrong. He suspects that his greatest fear had come to pass — his tenants have seen the contents of his cabinet and learned his greatest secret. So he confronts the young couple.

And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? [King James Version, Genesis 3:11]

After a big confrontation the landlord evicts them, changes the locks so they can never return, and tells them that because of their disobedience his generosity is rescinded. From now on they’ll have to make their way in the world without his compassionate benevolence.

Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken. [King James Version, Genesis 3:23]

Is this a tale with a happy ending or a sad one? The deal the young couple had been offered was obviously too good to be true. In their naiveté, they had been living in a pervert’s porn studio. Yes, they were disobedient, but the whole setup was a fraud, and they were obviously better off for having made their discovery.

We are grateful to Ronda for inspiring our new perspective on the Garden of Eden. We doubt that we’ve come up with anything of any real value, but we wanted to share it with you anyway. Thanks, Ronda!

Copyright © 2012. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

add to del.icio.usAdd to Blinkslistadd to furlDigg itadd to ma.gnoliaStumble It!add to simpyseed the vineTailRankpost to facebook

. AddThis Social Bookmark Button . Permalink for this article

11 responses to “Ronda Storms, Voyeurism, & the Garden of Eden

  1. Makes perfect sense to me.

    If Ken Ham reads this blog, however, he is probably thinking unspeakable thoughts about now. (I hope so, anyway)

  2. I couldn’t figure out where you were going with that title, but it turned into a clever parallel. (Intelligently designed, as it were.) Well played!

  3. SJR says: “I couldn’t figure out where you were going with that title”

    I couldn’t figure out what to title the thing.

  4. Have you found the first original take on Genesis in about 1500 years? Yes, I believe you have.

  5. Well, Gabe, it all depends on one’s worldview.

  6. You have way too much time on your hands.

  7. The landlord really missed an opportunity, to put the tapes up on the intertubes and collect credit card numbers. Much more efficient than those collection baskets.

  8. Some time after casting the couple out of the apartment, the landlord is very upset because most everyone is now on to his scheme, and he can’t getting any new suckers to move in. The landlord devises a scheme to murder everyone who knows about his tricks, and cons a gullible family into building a new houseboat that will shield them from the premeditated genocide.

    Thought of a few ways to make this quite rude in addition to mere blasphemy, but decided against it.

  9. Except the landlord has cameras everywhere and it doesn’t matter how much you wrap up, those are the “MiB” cameras. They have x-ray vision! Oh, and don’t forget the the fact that the cameras also have microphones. Reeeeeally sensitive ones, too. And before I forget, the landlord is also a mind and heart reader.

  10. Ceteris Paribus

    Ronda Storms says:

    “Anyone can go online or to the nearest electronics store to purchase equipment that would have been available only to James Bond several years ago. It is easy to use this technology in the wrong way and spy on others against their will.”

    I so want somebody to quote mine this, and write an article about how Ronda Storms is simply ecstatic that modern electronic technology now makes it possible for even small neighborhood entrepreneurs to turn out quality pornographic videos made with their consenting neighbors.

  11. Bertrand Russell: I am sometimes shocked by the blasphemies of those who think themselves pious-for instance, the nuns who never take a bath without wearing a bathrobe all the time. When asked why, since no man can see them, they reply: “Oh, but you forget the good God.” Apparently theyconceive of the Deity as a Peeping Tom, whose omnipotence enables Him to see through bathroom walls, but who is foiled by bathrobes.