Creationism and Nigerian Spam

It’s been a while since we added to our world-famous Compendium of Curmudgeonly Concepts. Today, however, we have formulated a new theory to add to that impressive collection. It came to us in a most mundane way — we received some spam email. Here it is, with its original punctuation, spelling, and grammar left intact:

From: “United Nations Human Compensation Programme”
Reply-To: upsdeliverystaff21@yahoo.com.hk

Good Day,

The United Nations Human Compensation Programme, UN-HABITAT 2012, is the United Nations gency for human Compensations. It is mandated by the UN General Assembly to promote humanly, socially and environmentally with the goal of providing adequate shelter for all.

As a result of the Scam activities spreading over the internet, the United Nations Human Compensation Programme, UN-HABITAT have decided to get details of most victims who were previously scammed by these fraudsters. This Human Compensations Programme is design to compensate every one of you with the sum of $500,000.00 to help settle all your debts and start a new business. If you have been Scammed by any means, you are adviced to respond to this message.

We have concluded all the necessary arrangements towards the release of your End of Year Compensation Cheque sum of $500,000.00 USD with the financial committee of the United Nations Human Compensations Programme in collaboration with the United Parcel Service Nigeria LTD (UPS), to Deliver the Cheque sum of $500,000.00 USD, with your Compensation Ref No: UN013-0156/UPS-UN-Habitat to you, prior to your co-operation with them. You are therefore adviced to contact the Delivery Officer of United Parcel Service Nigeria LTD (UPS) , with the below information in order to claim your End of Year Compensation Cheque.

You are advised to send your Postal Address which will enable the UPS COURIER for safe delivery.

FullName:…………
Addres:………….
City:……..
Country:……….
Phone:………

This is neccessary for safe processing of your compensation Cheque.

United Parcel Service Nigeria LTD
Plot 781 Emeka Anyaoku Street
Area Eleven Garki
FCT-Abuja
Nigeria.
Tel: +234-8094766188
Email: svictimsunitsp@terra.es
upsdeliverystaff21@yahoo.com.hk

Accept our regards & Congratulations.
EVANS BLUES {MR.}
UN-HABITAT Information Officer

Receiving email like that is not an unusual occurrence, but today we stopped to think: What kind of fool takes such things seriously and then eagerly responds, expecting to receive some gigantic reward in exchange for nothing? Then it hit us — it’s the same kind of mentality that responds favorably to creationism. Once before we considered this issue (see Nigerian Spam? No, It’s Jack Chick!), but we didn’t pursue the thought.

Today is different. Upon deep reflection, we’ve discovered the equivalence of Nigerian spam and creationism. We call it The Curmudgeon’s Conjecture of Concurrence of Consciousness Concerning Creationism and Internet Scams (CCCCCCIS). This may be our most astounding intellectual accomplishment ever!

Think about it. The Nigerian spammers are charlatans and their victims are fools, just as it is with creationism. When we examine such behavior — either creationism or internet scams — we ask: (1) who could be dumb enough to fall for such a scheme; and (2) what kind of slime-ball would be heartless enough to do this to people? In both schemes we end up with the same description for the victims and the same (but very different) description for the perpetrators.

Think of the spider and the fly. The fly blunders into a web and the spider pounces. So it is with both creationism and Nigerian scams. The victim of creationism thoughtlessly registers at some nonsensical website, or purchases a book or DVD, or even makes a contribution, and then the spider-like charlatan pounces. He’s ensnared another victim and he’ll suck him dry. So it is with fools who respond to Nigerian scams. The master of the con has the mentality of a spider, and his victim is as unsuspecting as a fly.

In one sense we don’t care all that much, because such things will never bother us (except for the maniacal creationists who want to make their “thinking” compulsory), but in another sense we know that people — even foolish, uneducated people — are more than mere flies. We find such activity exceedingly disturbing, in the same way that we’re offended by those who practice cruelty to animals. We can’t help but think: This is just wrong!

What’s to be done about it? Well, those who perpetrate internet scams are properly considered criminals, albeit difficult to catch. The day may come when creationist scammers will be regarded the same. That seems a long way off, but it’s not impossible. We punish those who inflict cruelty on horses and dogs. Perhaps one day we’ll deal appropriately with creationist scammers.

Copyright © 2012. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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13 responses to “Creationism and Nigerian Spam

  1. Perhaps one day we’ll deal appropriately with creationist scammers.

    Do you mean by this that it will be outlawed? If so, how?

  2. Gary asks: “Do you mean by this that it will be outlawed? If so, how?”

    I donno. Just a passing thought.

  3. What kind of fool takes such things seriously and then eagerly responds, expecting to receive some gigantic reward in exchange for nothing? Then it hit us — it’s the same kind of mentality that responds favorably to creationism.

    Nothing new here. An acquaintance of mine once observed that it was not a coincidence that Professional Wrestling used to immediately follow the Sunday morning tele-evangelist shows. His insight was that it was the SAME audience that was taken in by tele-evangelists, and believed the professional wrestling was real, and not staged.

  4. Maybe so, Longie, but professional wrestling doesn’t ask the audience for money.

  5. SC: “Perhaps one day we’ll deal appropriately with creationist scammers.”

    Nice thought; but unconstitutional. Freedom of religion and all that. After all, creationists are promoting their religion, which is why they are not allowed to do it in public schools.

    Believing mythology has been a part of the human psyche for at least as long as we have had language. The only preventive measure is education.

  6. RetiredSciGuy says: “Nice thought; but unconstitutional. Freedom of religion and all that.”

    I don’t mind if it’s presented as religion. That’s their right. But when it’s marketed as science …

  7. The Curmudgeon | 5-February-2012 at 2:43 pm |

    Maybe so, Longie, but professional wrestling doesn’t ask the audience for money.

    Does this mean you did NOT buy the “Hulk Hogan” action figure?

    😉

  8. Longie says:

    Does this mean you did NOT buy the “Hulk Hogan” action figure?

    I have the whole set.

  9. Curmudgeon: ?Maybe so, Longie, but professional wrestling doesn’t ask the audience for money.”

    That’s what commercials are for. 🙂

  10. “…it’s the same kind of mentality that responds favorably to creationism.”
    Which is the same kind of mentality that jumps on WND offers for “stunning,” “powerful and critically acclaimed video documentar[ies]” that tell them what they want to hear for the low, low price of $4.95. They’re both scams.

  11. “The Curmudgeon’s Conjecture of Concurrence of Consciousness Concerning Creationism and Internet Scams (CCCCCCIS).”
    Your acronym needs a liitle work. Everyone knows the really cool acronyms are easily pronounceable, and all I could do with yours was one very long sibilant.

  12. Ceteris Paribus

    @aturingtest: “Cis-” is a prefix derived from Latin, meaning “on the same side”, or “this side of” the term which is appended to the prefix. For example cis-regulatory elements that reside next to genes and modify the expression of the gene. Or cis-gender vs trans-gender expressions of sexual behavior re gender phenotype

    So CCCCCCCIS as used in the context of Creationism and Internet Scams might be properly used to indicate that they are right next to each other, and define or regulate their observed behavior patterns.

  13. Ceteris Paribus said:

    “Cis-” is a prefix derived from Latin, meaning “on the same side”, or “this side of” the term which is appended to the prefix.

    The most famous example is Cisalpine Gaul.