Creationist Wisdom #237: Tennessee Genius

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the The Leaf-Chronicle of Clarksville, Tennessee — the oldest newspaper in Tennessee. The letter is audaciously titled Evidence manipulated on warming, evolution. We’ll give you a few excerpts, enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary, and some bold font for emphasis. As we usually do we’ll omit the writer’s name and city. Okay, here we go:

In reference to the Guest Editorial, “Scopes trial rerun for state?” on April 5: The writer of this editorial seems very arrogant and angry.

The letter-writer is referring to this: Scopes trial rerun for state? It was typical of dozens — perhaps hundreds — of columns and editorials we’ve seen from around the US and other countries too, expressing dismay over the Tennessee Legislature’s recent anti-science education law. Today’s letter resumes:

If they are so sure of the evolution (theory) why are they afraid of both sides of the story and have to demean those with a different opinion?

Ah — What are they afraid of? That’s brilliant! Hey, why not have an orgy advocate give a lecture to the kiddies during their abstinence class? What are they afraid of? Let’s read on:

Most people, including scientists, don’t believe in global warming. Most people believe in God including, half of scientists.

Gotta teach what “most people” believe. That’s good science education. The letter continues:

Scientists however, must be careful with the issues like evolution and global warming because of government grants, job security and ridicule.

Right. Tens of thousands of scientists are being bribed by their fabulous academic salaries, and they’re all such sensitive souls that they won’t risk any ridicule by asking questions. That’s why they’re all lying about everything. Here’s more:

Why is there such a manipulation of evidence i.e. climate gate? Why is so much of the evolution evidence a fraud like Piltdown man, Nebraska man and much more? l don’t believe in evolution because it requires too much faith.

Wow — Climate-gate, Piltdown man, and Nebraska man — all in the same paragraph! If you haven’t seen our oldie-goldie post, Piltdown Man: The Creationists’ Savior, you might check it out later. For now, let’s move along with today’s letter:

Scientific fact has scientific proven principles. What is the science principle of something from nothing (big bang)? There is none. We all know you cannot get something from nothing or life from non-life. Something appearing from nothing or life appearing from non-life is a magician’s trick, not science.

Impressed? We certainly are. No cheap magician’s tricks for this guy — he’s sticking with Genesis all the way. And now we come to the end:

If you find a watch, you would not believe that the watch made itself, there must be a watch maker. lf you see creation you know it did not make itself, there must me a Creator, God.

Hey — William Paley’s watchmaker analogy from 1802. That’s well before Darwin’s theory and it’s still going strong.

Admit it, dear reader — this letter is a keeper!

Copyright © 2012. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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12 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #237: Tennessee Genius

  1. Something appearing from nothing or life appearing from non-life is a magician’s trick…

    The Tennessee legislature clearly believes so.

  2. Double wow. That letter may set an all time record for the number of misconceptions per word.

  3. (The scene is a kitchen set on a stage. A tall woman who looks remarkably like Julia Childs steps out…)
    Today, we’re going to make “Anti-Evolution (Re)Hash”. It’s a WONDERFUL recipe that you can make (and re-make) time and again. The great thing is that you can always find the ingredients; you just make them up as you go! Here’s what you will need:
    – a cup of “God of the gaps”. I prefer “missing transitional fossils”, but if you don’t have any of that laying around, you can substitute in some “something from nothing” or “We don’t know”.
    – two cups of “evolutionism is evil”. I prefer “Darwin leads to Hitler”, but as always you can substitute “Darwin leads to communism” or another of my personal favorites, “Darwin leads to atheism”.
    – a teaspoon of “criticism”. It comes in a bottle under the label of “Critical Thinking ™”. You need to very careful with this. You don’t want too much because it might cause the whole thing to go bad. Plus, if you use too much “Critical Thinking”, it might overflow to your “Pro-Creationism Souffle” and, trust me!, that souffle cannot handle any critical thinking at all!
    – a tablespoon of “Failed Ideas Showing Evolutionists Lie”. The best thing to use here is “Piltdown Man”, though “Nebraska Man” will do in a pinch. Again, just as with “Critical Thinking”, you need to be careful with this so that it doesn’t contaminate your other items in the kitchen. I accidentally got some in my “Ark Park Dark Chocolate” and I couldn’t stop babbling about “But scientists figured this out, not creationists!” for WEEKS! (She stops to give one of her high pitched chortles. BWA HA HA HA!)
    – Finally, drop in a teaspoon of “Hoyle’s Fallacy”. That will help “whip it up” (again, her high-pitched laugh) into a nice, big, heaping pile of… creationist thinking!
    (She puts this all in a pan, drops the pan into the oven, and what comes out is a big, brown steaming pile of… creationist thinking.)

  4. I’m not sure it’s a keeper. There’s not even one reference to a Crocoduck.

  5. Ceteris Paribus

    Misplaced my bi-focals this morning and mis read the title as “Tennessee Genes” instead of “Tennessee Genius”. On the other hand, maybe it would be better if the Tennessee letter writers could simply admit they were “born that way” rather than blame it on their educational system.

  6. I just checked out Tennessee exports and I think we could safely fence off the entire state without a loss. Except for one thing. We’d have to install a whiskey pipeline to drain the state periodically. Other than that, no loss at all.

  7. Sorry, can’t resist: Since the letter writer is from Clarksville, he probably thinks we don’t come from no monkee. 😉

  8. docbill1351

    I’m a believer!

  9. retiredsciguy

    Damn glad I was able to get on the last train outa there!

  10. retiredsciguy

    @Gary: “(The scene is a kitchen set on a stage. A tall woman who looks remarkably like Julia Childs steps out…)”

    Nice work!

  11. Thanks, RSG!

  12. Scientists however, must be careful with the issues like evolution and global warming because of government grants, job security and ridicule.

    The same road that leads you to doubt climatology is the same road that leads you to doubt biology which is the same road that leads you to doubt medical science such as the safety of vaccines and the dangers of smoking. Science denialism always uses the same arguments. Only the labels are different.

    Thank you for posting this and making such a strong, direct comparison so that people can see for themselves how they are identical.
    More please.

    Michael Specter: The danger of science denial