Rev. David Rives: We Are Not Animals!

Yes, dear reader, it’s time for another video by the brilliant and articulate leader of David Rives Ministries. The last time we brought you a David Rives video was Leap of Faith.

Today, in only 1.5 minutes — 90 glorious seconds! — you can watch the rev’s entire video titled Monkey Business Doesn’t Add Up, in which he explains that you don’t need a PhD to realize that something’s wrong with Darwin’s theory. Simple mathematics points to the overwhelming probability of a designer!

You can’t afford to miss this one, so what are you waiting for? Go ahead, click on the video. Do it now!

Copyright © 2012. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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16 responses to “Rev. David Rives: We Are Not Animals!

  1. Let’s start with his declaration of mixing evolution with how things began (abiogenesis). Then, following that, he does the “evolution is too improbable; Ooogity-Boogity is far more likely”. Funny that he says its “simple math” but never shows us his work. Which means he gets an “F”. By the way, what does the math probability look like for a Designer (Blessed Be He!)?
    Finally, and this may be the part I think is the funniest, take a look at the background when the final text (“Truly the Heavens declare… blah blah blah”) comes up. I could swear I’ve seen that coastline before. While I cannot find the picture, I’m pretty sure it’s the coastline off of the Italian island where the cruise ship “Costa Concordia” rolled over on its side. The image behind him must be an older one because you don’t see the Costa Concordia, but I believe that’s the place. In short, Rives posts a video and ends with a background scene where a shipwreck took place. Coincidence? Figure the probability!

  2. CORRECTION: The image behind him at the end of the video is not where the Costa Concordia sank. Which is too bad. The mix would have been delicious!

  3. @Gary
    Heretic! Of COURSE it’s the site of the Costa Concordia shipwreck! The spiritual nature of the event allows it to be in several places at once. It says so in the scripture, and science proves it because quantum. So there! Why do you hate Baby Jeebus?

  4. You know, watching this video it occured to me that Sam Harris is right about free will. Clearly I have none, because otherwise I wouldn’t have watched the video despite the certain knowledge that the stupid, it will burn. (And it does, bright and painfully.) Is it predestination, physics, chemistry, or SC’s fault?

    SC, j’accuse!

  5. Ceteris Paribus

    But at least the location is quite likely in the ” medi” part of the Mediterranean. Watch the opening shot of the rotating globe, and that’s where the first frames are centered.

    But if you have looked at Rives’ earlier videos, the opening shot appears to be intended to be centered on Jerusalem – which is for many fundamentalists the prophesied site of the future final judgement, where Jeebus will return for his encore performance.

    Unfortunately, unless you have had experience looking for subliminal clues embedded in fundamentalist movies, what you probably saw most prominently then was not Jerusalem, but the Arabian Peninsula in all its sun shiny sublime glory.

    So somewhere along the line, Rives’ producers got him a new rotating globe, and moved their video productions westward to the blue skies of the islands. Jerusalem, the land of Nod, and parts east got obscured by stratospheric clouds.

    Now if someone could just explain Rives’ powder blue jacket, obviously a couple of sizes larger than what would be needed to hide a whole multitude of tricks up his sleeves. Could that jacket be a hand-me-down garment donated by the estate of the late Rev Dr Jerry Falwell?

  6. Gary: “Let’s start with his declaration of mixing evolution with how things began (abiogenesis). Then, following that, he does the “evolution is too improbable;…”

    I admit that I’m a cynic. A free-will-believing, personal-responsibility-advocating, (small c) curmudgeon, who’s to the right of everyone on some issue. So you might guess that I’m not a fan of the “innocent by reason of insanity” thing. But I’m not completely heartless. I’ll give everyone the benefit of the doubt that their confusion is real and not faked. But only the first time they do it. Rives is well past that.

  7. See Ecclesiastes 3:18-21 … they themselves are beasts … that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts … as the one dieth, so dieth the other … a man hath no preeminence above a beast … all are of the dust …

  8. docbill1351

    Eve is quoted as saying to Adam after a night of ripe passion fruit slurping, “Oh, Adam, you are such a naughty beast!”

    Ecstaticles 4:6-9

  9. TomS says: “See Ecclesiastes 3:18-21”

    Yup. It’s good to see that you know your scripture. I wrote about that a year ago: Is Evolution in the Bible?

  10. I’m beginning to think that perhaps Rives is, as he says, not a product of evolution. I think he’s a clever anamatronic device, with moving facial features. It’s propped up in front of a green-screen, powered on, and the device recites the programmed lines in an uncannily – but not quite convincingly – lifelike fashion.


    I agree with Ed, it seems as though Rives has had a personality bypass.
    90secs is just about right as I feel my eyelids closing down towards the end. A full video would be an excellent cure for insomnia.

  12. NeonNoodle

    @Ed: I think you’re onto something. There is a twinge of HAL 9000 about him, isn’t there? I’d like to get him to sing “Daisy Bell (on a Bicycle Built for Two)” sometime.

  13. Retired Prof

    Rives says, “You and I aren’t animals. We are fearfully and wonderfully made.”

    This one-sided comparison leaves listeners hanging. Sounds like maybe we should be able to tell something is an animal by noting that it is confidently and mundanely made. How can we be sure it was?

  14. Jim Thomerson

    George Gaylord Simpson had an essay, years ago, debunking the “humans are just another animal” myth. Humans are indeed animals, and all species are unique, by definition, but humans have unique characteristics outside the usual range of animal characteristics. We are, in fact, animals, and arguing that we are fearfully and wonderfully made does not negate that. We are strange animals, but animals, never the less.

  15. So from Ecclesiastes 3:18-22:
    “For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; so that a man hath no preeminence above a beast: for all is vanity.”

    If this is true, then how can mankind claim dominion over all other living things on the Earth? Or perhaps that was said simply to justify mankind moving from a vegan state to the omnivore/carnivore state, and movng from respect for the animal spirits they’d just taken and were about to consume versus the wanton killing of any animal, whether it be gluttonly consumed or not?

  16. retiredsciguy

    Well, David Rives, if we’re not animals, then what are we? Plants? Fungi? Protists?

    Clearly, we are living organisms. If we are not animals, then in which kingdom do we belong? Are you asking us to ignore the overwhelming mountains of evidence supporting evolution just because “you don’t think it adds up”?

    “I’m sorry, David, I cannot do that.”