Noah’s Ark and the World’s Biggest Croc

This is a good opportunity to see the creationist brain in action. At the Fox News website they have an interesting article: Villagers Pull One-Ton Crocodile Out of Creek in Philippines. It has a rather spectacular photo of the giant croc surrounded by villagers. The story says:

About 100 people had to pull the crocodile, which weighs about 2,370 pounds, from the creek to a clearing where a crane lifted it into a truck … .

Yes, you’re thinking, that’s moderately interesting, but given the purpose of this blog … so what? Be patient, dear reader, there’s always a reason why we write about this stuff. In this case it’s because the croc news has captured the attention of the creation scientists at the Institute for Creation Research (ICR) — the granddaddy of all creationist outfits — the fountainhead of young-earth creationist wisdom.

You’re still bewildered. What is there about this croc story that would interest a pack of creationists? Well, that’s the point. The rational mind doesn’t see any connection, but ICR saw the news and — being creationists — they promptly wrote: Did Noah Bring a One-Ton Crocodile onto the Ark? If you scroll down a bit, you’ll see that they have the same photo used by Fox News.

You’re shaking your head in disbelief, aren’t you? So were we, but you have to get over it and accept the fact that there are people out there who see a giant croc and then think about Noah’s Ark. That’s the creationist mind in action (so to speak). Although ICR’s article is all nonsense, let’s look at it anyway. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us:

After a three-week hunt, Philippine locals used cables to capture a huge crocodile from a remote location in the southern Agusan del Sur province. Guinness World Records deemed it the largest captive croc in the world. Since last September, caretakers have held the one-ton saltwater crocodile at Bunawan Eco-Park. Were giant crocodiles on board Noah’s Ark?

Not only is that thing the worlds largest captive croc, but ICR’s question is the world’s most ridiculous non-sequitur. Let’s read on:

Some question the veracity of the historical Noah’s Ark on the grounds that certain dinosaurs would have been too large to enter it or even to fit on board. But dinosaurs would certainly have fit for the same reasons that crocodiles would have, leaving intact the feasibility of the Ark account.

Come on, admit it. You love this stuff! We continue:

The most straightforward solution assumes that the Lord brought juvenile animals to Noah. Like dinosaurs, crocodiles all begin small. At about four inches long, crocodile eggs fit in the palm of an adult’s hand, and even the largest dinosaur hatched from an egg not much larger than a football.

They talk a bit about reptile growth (they’re “scientists,” you know) and then they wrap it up with this:

No matter how fast or slow they grew, Noah and his family would certainly have husbanded young, large-growing dinosaurs and young, large-growing crocodiles on the Ark.

Inspirational, wasn’t it? Aren’t you eager to have those folks teaching science in the public schools?

Copyright © 2012. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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21 responses to “Noah’s Ark and the World’s Biggest Croc

  1. “No matter how fast or slow they grew, Noah and his family would certainly have husbanded young, large-growing dinosaurs and young, large-growing crocodiles on the Ark.”

    World’s biggest crock.

  2. Meh beat me too it, but one great croc deserves another.

  3. No matter how fast or slow they grew, Noah and his family would certainly have husbanded young, large-growing dinosaurs and young, large-growing crocodiles on the Ark.

    So Noah practiced animal husbandry? Until they caught him at it, as Tom Lehrer would say.

  4. Perhaps this explains the Neanderthal’s skeletal propensity for much larger right arms too.
    Croc wrestling with one arm behind your back. You have to do
    something to entertain yourself on the Ark besides animal husbandry.

  5. The most straightforward solution assumes that the Lord brought juvenile animals to Noah.
    Unfortunately, that “solution” conflicts with what the Bible says. Genesis 7:2 says (NIV)
    Take with you seven of every kind of clean animal, a male and its mate, and two of every kind of unclean animal, a male and its mate,
    Juveniles do not have mates.

  6. What’s strange to me is why it was necessary to save animals on an ark in the first place. God originally poofed them all into existence in a couple of days, why wouldn’t he just poof new ones into existence when the flood was over? It would make much more sense to fill the ark with food animals and large stores of produce to help Noah and clan survive, than to fill it with thousands of creatures requiring enormous amounts of provisions, diverse habitat requirements, veterinary skills, and tremendous daily labor to maintain. Noah was supposed to be a good guy, but God put him through the ringer on this one.

  7. That ark was a slithery, creepy place. Just Google “List of Reptiles” to get an idea of how crowded it was. Noah and his crew really had to watch their backs at all times. And this list does not include dinosaurs and all the other 98% which have become extinct. Must have been a helluva’ job keeping them from eating Noah and each other and cleaning up the poop.

  8. And this is only the reptiles.

  9. NeonNoodle

    What’s strange to me is why it was necessary to save animals on an ark in the first place. God originally poofed them all into existence in a couple of days, why wouldn’t he just poof new ones into existence when the flood was over?

    For that matter why not just “poof” the rest of the world, excluding Noah’s family, out of existence? Why have a flood in the first place?

    Noah was supposed to be a good guy, but God put him through the ringer on this one.

    It’s no way to treat a law-abiding, 600 year-old senior citizen.

  10. docbill1351

    For that matter why not just “poof” the rest of the world, excluding Noah’s family, out of existence? Why have a flood in the first place?

    Simple, boopy! Visuals! Poofing ain’t got no visuals. Close your eyes (well, leave one eye open to read this) and imagine, in a goat herder’s camp long, long ago …

    Then what happened, grandpappy?

    Why, then the Lord poofed all the bad people away.

    What do you mean “poofed?”

    Just like that: poof.

    Well, that seems kinda of dumb, grandpappy. Just poofing away all the bad people doesn’t sound like any fun at all! If I were the Lord I would have burned them up or thrown rocks at them or made the snakes bite them! Then I would have send scorpions and lightning. Or I would have created giant ants in helicopters with laser eyes! (precocious kid)

    OK, it’s wasn’t exactly poof. There was a flood.

    Oh, boy, grandpappy, a flood. Like Gilgamesh!

    Er, yeah, like Gilgamesh only bigger. Why, it rained for 4 days and 4 nights.

    What, it rained 4 days last year.

    Oh, did I say 4, I meant 40. Yea, verily, it rained 40 days and 40 nights and all the earth was covered in deep, deep water. Did I say poof? I meant “sploosh.”

  11. So how did Noah save all the fresh water fish? Or, if it was a fresh water flood, how did he save all the salt water fish? Inquiring minds want to know!

  12. @Doc: that’s the way I try to explain it when my creationist inlaws ask how such a story could have been promulgated if it wasn’t true. Any flood in a desert would look like a lot of water. And any time you play a game of telephone things don’t come out the same at the end. Think about a 2000 year long game of telephone before anyone wrote down the story.

  13. TA: fish are alll of the fish “kind” and we all know microevolution is ok but not macro. They’re still fish afterall… sarcasm dripping from my voice.

  14. docbill1351

    Yep, dummy, all the fish survived because, duh, they live in water! No matter the water was boiling, full of silt and rocks and churning and no matter it was dark for 40 days and all the plant life was destroyed and the plankton … Oh, wait, the Bible doesn’t mention plankton. Ix-nay on the Ankton-play. And the birds just flew for 40 days and nights even though the torrential rain would have torn off their feathers.

    Good grief, I just had a thought! Can you imagine the mosquito problem after the waters receded? I mean, here in Houston we get a week of rain and a month of mosquitoes. Can’t imagine! Hopefully, Noah had a supply of Deep Woods Off.

  15. retiredsciguy

    The Curmudgeon asks, “Aren’t you eager to have those folks teaching science in the public schools?”

    Or more likely, being used as a reference by a voucher-supported religious school.

    @docbill: “Hopefully, Noah had a supply of Deep Woods Off.

    Hadn’t been invented yet. Probably had to settle for “6-12”. Anyone else reading this who’s old enough to remember that stuff? It was totally ineffective, yet we rubbed it all over ourselves anyway. It was a matter of faith, I guess.

    Ed asks, “God originally poofed them [the animals] all into existence in a couple of days, why wouldn’t he just poof new ones into existence when the flood was over?”

    He had probably forgotten the recipe, since it had been a few years.

  16. docbill1351

    I can still smell 6-12.

    We used to put it on before we chased the Bug Truck down the street spraying parathion. Good for you. Builds character.

    We also chased the Ice Cream truck. I can hardly eat a fudgecicle today without spraying 6-12 on it.

    Good stuff.

    I also remember Scout camp being on our cots under our mosquito nets and the Scoutmaster came into the tent and gave us a dose of bug spray from a pump can.

    Yep, I wouldn’t have three eyes today without that stuff.

  17. I’ve wondered how the original audience for the Flood story would treat details like “male and his mate” for animals like cattle – they had to realize that bulls are not monogamous. That original audience couldn’t have taken the story literally, could they?

  18. The original audience included a lot of Shepherds, who must have thought it very silly indeed.

  19. retiredsciguy

    They just sheepishly went along with the story.

  20. retiredsciguy

    Or just thought it to be a bunch of bull.

  21. Mr liam Atkinson

    Whenever I hear very loud thunder,i always say “careful god,there might be a bone in it”peace to all.