ICR: The Key To Understanding Biology

If you are one of those wretched, misguided evolutionists, you probably believe that Nothing in Biology Makes Sense Except in the Light of Evolution.

But if you believe that, it’s only because the secularists have kept you from knowing how creationists make sense of biology. This is your opportunity to learn, dear reader. You can find the creationist concept that ties all of biology together in a new essay at the website of the Institute for Creation Research (ICR) — the granddaddy of all creationist outfits, the fountainhead of young-earth creationist wisdom.

ICR’s article is Valuing God’s Variety. It’s by James J. S. Johnson, J.D., Th.D. He has two middle initials, which is very classy, and he not only has a law degree, but he’s also a Doctor of Theology. He’s described at the end as “Associate Professor of Apologetics and Chief Academic Officer at the Institute for Creation Research.” He’s a true creation scientist, and we’ve written about his work a few times before. Here’s how he begins, with bold font added by us and scripture references omitted:

God likes variety — more variety than we can fully appreciate, even if we had multiple lifetimes to investigate His creation! Here are two proofs: 1) Scripture shows that variety matches God’s divine nature and how He made mankind in His own image, and 2) God’s physical non-human creation shows that God supernaturally selected and favors variety.

Variety — divinely ordained variety — that’s the key. And they have proof! The essay continues:

Our first clue that God values variety is the Bible’s first verse: “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth”.

As noted in previous articles, the Hebrew subject noun translated “God” (Elohîm) is plural, yet its action verb, “created” (bara’), is singular — our first indication that the Creator-God of the Bible is a plural-yet-one Being. Thus, variety is actually part of God’s plural-yet-one essence! No wonder God appreciates variety — it is part of His divine nature!

Are you convinced? Not yet? No problem, let’s read on:

Unsurprisingly, God designed variety into humanity when God chose to make Adam and Eve in His own image. The first diversity among humans was the dichotomy of male and female [scripture passage omitted]. But the diversity God designed for humanity goes far beyond gender. People belong to different tribes, nations, and genetic-ethnic groups.

Still more variety! You’re beginning to see how this concept unites and makes sense of everything, aren’t you? We continue:

God did not limit His provision of diversity to Adam and Eve’s extended family. God programmed variety into animals (platypuses and plesiosaurs), plants (pansies and pines), and tiny microorganisms (Paramecium protozoa and Pseudomonas bacteria). Also, non-living components of God’s creation display geophysical diversity (glaciers and granite, fjords and felsenmeer, snowflakes and sand dunes) and even astrophysical diversity (planets and pulsars, supernovas and spiral galaxies). God’s vast display of diversity in creation demonstrates how much He prizes variety.

Surely you can see it now. One simple concept — variety! — ties everything together into a comprehensible whole. Here’s more:

“Biodiversity” is the scientific word used to summarize the variety of life forms on earth. Noah’s Ark, which God used to caringly preserve the genetic potential for post-Flood biodiversity, is proof that God loves biodiversity.

Yes! God destroyed virtually everything on Earth, yet he preserved the potential for variety. Moving along:

How does God showcase variety in the animal kingdom? Think alphabetically: aardvarks, bears, coyotes, dinosaurs, echinoderms, frogs, geese, hyenas, ice worms, jellyfish, kangaroos, lions…and zebras!

From aardvarks to zebras — it’s all so clear. Variety is the key to understanding such things. Another excerpt:

Likewise, a survey of the plant kingdom illustrates God’s appreciation for variety: evergreen and deciduous trees, cacti, shrubs, flowers, grasses, legumes, root vegetables, herbs, and mosses. Flowers alone provide more than a lifetime of opportunities to investigate and appreciate variety.

Now, at last, you can finally understand plants. Again, the key is variety! On with the article:

But the biodiversity we see today does not match evolutionary predictions. Evolutionary assumptions imagine a scenario in which all life forms, gradually branching off from common ancestors, somehow end up as a biotic community that amounts to one big family reunion with everything and everyone being interlinked “cousins.” But reality is different — sharp biodiversity boundary lines between created kinds exist, and the “missing links” between intra-breedable kinds are still missing. If Darwin-presumed “missing links” ever really existed, why are they still missing?

Wow — missing links are proof of divine variety! And now we come to the end:

However, the real world of nature (as shown by fossils and by today’s biotic communities) corroborates the Bible’s account of biodiversity — including the historic fact that the greatest biodiversity conservation project ever was the preservation of “kinds” aboard the good ship Ark.

So there you are, dear reader. It’s time you abandoned evolution and embraced the one theory that truly explains it all — variety.

Copyright © 2012. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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21 responses to “ICR: The Key To Understanding Biology

  1. So it’s really a plot to popularize variety stores again… I didn’t see that coming.

  2. I’ve always said..”variety is the spice of life”

  3. I’m not sure variety explains biology, but variety taught me about the civil war

    Fingers crossed for the link, it’s my fist time.

  4. the greatest biodiversity conservation project ever was the preservation of “kinds” aboard the good ship Ark.

    The “kinds” preserved on the Ark are a tiny fraction of what we know to have existed throughout the history of life on this planet. If, as ICR maintains, all of these were created roughly 6,000 years ago and were around at the time of the flood, the God did a pretty poor job of preserving them. He does not appear to like variety at all.

  5. …he not only has a law degree, but he’s also a Doctor of Theology. He’s described at the end as “Associate Professor of Apologetics and Chief Academic Officer at the Institute for Creation Research.”

    Yes, they’re all honorary “doctors” with official degrees, aren’t they? It took years of searching, but I believe I’ve finally found the prestigious (though non-accredited) Institution responsible:

  6. God loves variety in music, too: country AND western.


  7. Hey God like variety that’s awesome. Now if Dr initials could go onto explain how God programmed platypuses and created everything (without naturalistic/materialistic evolution) that would be swell. It still impresses me the amount of variety in the ‘God did it’ arguments, I like variety too, but that probably because I inherited that from God.

  8. @docbill1351: “God loves variety in music, too: country AND western.”

    Cheap. Also, it reeks of the sort of bigotry and stereotyping that we are supposed to stand against. As standard bearers for a cause we have an obligation to be more diplomatic than that.

  9. Justin says: “Cheap.”

    I thought it was funny.

  10. Ceteris Paribus

    Rock AND Roll music is a legitimate conjunction.

    And one could mention CCM, the Contemporary AND Christian Music genre.

    But perhaps doing that would be rubbing a psalter into the wound.

  11. And this guy has a law degree!! One would think, after all that studying and matriculating and all, he would be able to make a cogent argument. His essay is laughable. The famous monkey randomly pounding on a typewriter would have done better. (For the younger readers of this blog, a “typewriter” is an ancient communication device, sort of a cross between a keyboard and a printer. The printed words appeared instantaneously on paper, thus bypassing the computer. Which was a good thing, because the computer hadn’t been invented yet.)

    And Justin, would you have liked it better if docbill had written “classical AND baroque”? Or “rhythm AND blues”? “Hip AND hop”?

  12. Totally off-topic, but my mind started to wander after writing about typewriters to a related old communication device.

    I wonder what percentage of today’s 14-year-olds would be able to place a call on a dial telephone?

  13. Uplifting and inspiring though James J. S. Johnson, J.D., Th.D.’s paean to divinely-ordered biodiversity may be, I am nonetheless baffled that he omitted a remarkable observation which should be even dearer to his theological heart, to wit:

    God so loves variety that He created zillions of other Gods!

    In fact, it’s almost impossible to even count them. From Apollo to Zeus, via Balder, Chalchiuthtlicue, Davlin, Enki, Fenrir, Ganesha, Hathor, Ixtab, Jesus, Krishna, Loki, Marduk, Ninhurzag, Osiris, Poseidon, Quetzalcotl, Rama, Si-wang-mu, Thoth, Uzume, Vishnu, Wotan, Xochipilli, and Ymir – and we haven’t even begun to scratch the surface (or graven an image).

    Best source I’ve found so far for the size of the celestial catalogue is this, How many gods?, which offers a rough approximation in the range of 28,000,000 to 102,000,000,000, depending on definitions — but no one really knows.

    Either way, theodiversity beats the estimated 8.7 million species comprising biodiversity hands down.

    A number of questions arise from the above observations, but I will confine myself here to just this one:

    If a god were a physical commodity the size of a shoebox, how large would your local branch of Gods ‘R Us have to be in order to stock a comprehensive range?

    I’d do the math myself, except I fear Curmy’s dog would eat it.

  14. Megalonyx says: “Either way, theodiversity beats the estimated 8.7 million species comprising biodiversity hands down.”

    I wish I had thought of that.

  15. Maybe it’s an age issue, I thought docbill was referencing a line from the Blues Brothers movie.

  16. I really don’t know what the intent of Justin’s remarks were but
    I would like to know who is “we” are referring to.

    Yes, that was one of the better lines from the Blues Brothers.

  17. @retiredsciguy:
    I teach developmental math (which used to be called remedial math) to 18-somethings at the local university. There are a fair number of them who can not tell time from a clock with hands, nor read nor write cursive. Which is neither here nor there, but does show the impact of technology on society.

  18. @Megalonyx:

    I don’t have a dog to worry about. Actually, the store would only have to be shockingly small. For the smaller number of gods, 28,000,000, a cube 50 meters on a side would be large enough to stock one of each god; though, of course, you’d need a correspondingly larger space if you wanted to stock multiple sizes and colors. For the larger number of gods, 102,000,000,000, the cube would have to be about 771 meters on a side. *That* would be a big box store.

  19. @Mark Joseph: Have you accounted for aisles in your store calculations? Of course, it all depends on how many gods can dance on the head of a store manager.

  20. @retiredsciguy: Nope; that’s just the volume of the gods. I would think that the store manager upon whose heads the gods were dancing would want to keep aisle space to a minimum, as he’s probably leasing by the square foot…