Ken Ham: A Peek Inside the Ark

You have no doubt been wondering what it was like inside of Noah’s Ark, and how it contained a breeding pair of all the world’s animals — including dinosaurs. Now, at last, the truth is revealed.

This information comes to us from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the Australian entrepreneur who has become the ayatollah of Appalachia. As you know, ol’ Hambo is co-founder of Answers in Genesis (AIG), an on-line ministry which is one of the major sources of young-earth creationist wisdom. AIG also created and operates the infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum — the North American Mecca for the mindless.

Hambo’s latest is at his personal blog: Ark Exhibit Coming. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us:

Visitors to the Creation Museum have been asking about the large structure they see under construction at the side of the Creation Museum.

This structure is a full-scale model of one bay in Noah’s Ark, like the one we will be building in Williamstown, Kentucky. Various exhibits will be placed in these bays as people walk through the Ark. This structure is only one bay of one floor (it has a mezzanine level).

The picture of the “large structure” at Hambo’s blog looks like that “one bay in Noah’s Ark” is about the size of a walk-in closet for a lady with a lot of clothes, and it has an upper level where she can store her winter wardrobe. Even with two levels, it’s little more than a big closet. Hambo continues:

Imagine two more bays stacked on this one and about 40 of these for each floor — you’ll realize how big the Ark structure will be and how much room we will have for exhibits to teach the truth of God’s Word and the gospel. There will be a total of over 130 bays in the Ark.

Wowie — the Ark had the equivalent of 130 walk-in closets. Plenty of room! Let’s read on:

When it is finished in a couple of weeks, there will be a number of signs installed to help people understand the size of this one bay in relation to the size of the whole Ark. Yes, Noah’s Ark was huge!

Huge indeed! We Googled around and found many estimates of the number of animal species in the world. Depending on definitions, there are somewhere between three and thirty million animal species (we’re ignoring the plants). If we also ignore about 20,000 species of fish, which presumably survived without Noah’s help (if we overlook the problems encountered by fresh and saltwater fish in one global ocean) that’s still a lot of land-dwelling critters to fit into only 130 bays in the Ark. Even if Noah only needed to save a representative sample of each animal “kind,” there still seems to be a problem.

Well, it’s not much of a problem if we consider how few animals were known to the authors of the bible. According to Wikipedia, there are only 120 animal species mentioned in scripture (see Animals in the Bible) and you can see a list of them here: List of animals in the Bible, which includes the Leviathan and the Unicorn. So Hambo’s 130 bays might have seemed sufficient to people who didn’t know about things like penguins, kangaroos, lemurs, and three-towed three-toed sloths.

Hambo wraps up his post with this:

Make sure you come and visit the Creation Museum soon and take a look at this Ark bay!

If you go, dear reader, take a good look and let us know what you think.

Copyright © 2012. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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31 responses to “Ken Ham: A Peek Inside the Ark

  1. I wonder if Kent Hovind had a hand in the design. It looks to be about the size of a prison cell. I suppose that would take care of the waste problem as well.

  2. If Ham wants to make it realistic, he should truck in a few loads of waste from a large dairy operation, and dump it down in the bilge of his replica Ark. He could then charge his patrons extra for the self-contained breathing apparatus they’d need in order to tour his boat.

    I don’t think the bible says anything about how Noah & his crew took care of this problem. Pit toilets don’t work on a boat.

  3. Our Curmudgeon waxes lyrical:

    Wowie — the Ark had the equivalent of 130 walk-in closets. Plenty of room!

    Indeed.

    Imelda Marcos, eat yer heart out!

  4. retiredsciguy says: “I don’t think the bible says anything about how Noah & his crew took care of this [waste removal] problem.”

    You unbelieving fool! Hambo’s two-level bay provides the solution. The creatures lived in the top level, and waste accumulated in the bottom level. At the end of a year, or however long the Ark was afloat, the bottom level was full, but that was no inconvenience whatsoever. They could all then disembark and leave the mess behind.

  5. I am pretty sure I read that 99 out of every 100 animals are extinct. I don’t have any idea how many of that number scriptural literalist’s would claim died off before the flood, because I don’t recall ever hearing from them where extinct animals fit in on the 6K timeline. But if the extinction rate pre-Flood was not 100%, then the 3 – 30 million number for animals is way too low. And since two of anything was necessary, any number chosen has to be automatically doubled.

    But even assuming only 6 million critters boarded the Ark, including many that don’t weigh very much, there is a point where (space requirements aside) vessel buoyancy is challenged. I wonder if anybody has ever calculated the weight of these creatures, and whether the described craft was capable of carrying it?

    Poop/urine was miraculously policed, of course, so an 8-person sanitation crew is not something necessary to explain.

    And since God knew His plan included an extension to the cruise length he led Noah to believe and expect, I’m confident that God just forgot to include the part in the Flood story where water, and grass & grain for the herbivores, was delivered daily manna-style. Either that or he made a miracle happen so none of the animals needed to eat or drink.

    Not requiring food or water would solve a lot of the provender issues for the travel period to and from the Ark, come to think of it. I grow more and more convinced that God miraculously fixed it so the animals lived only on air for the year or two required for this big adventure.

  6. retiredsciguy suggests

    …he [Ham] should truck in a few loads of waste from a large dairy operation, and dump it down in the bilge of his replica Ark.

    He already has that material regularly delivered–but it is allocated for use in his blog.

  7. Charley Horse

    The key to believing or accepting the flood account is to not ever
    dwell on it. Just accept it as true because it is in the Bible.
    Not any part of the story has any chance of being defended in a
    logical way and you will never get a true believer to ever consider
    any of it not possible.

    Another thing that really makes no sense is why supposedly
    Xians, who consider their god all knowing/ wonderful/ loving god, couldn’t come up with a better way to get his point across to humans
    and only a handful were spared.

    A similar thing is Xians Jesus couldn’t come up with a better plan to
    advertise himself than committing suicide. Again, very few are mentioned as even knowing he was around. Most, even in his small
    part of the world, never heard of him. Again, totally illogical.

    No wonder it is so easy to invent a religion. We even have a candidate
    for president who wears magic underwear and thinks American Indians are descendants of Jews…

  8. Holy crap, apparently AIG has a few answers for the waste problem. I like this one. Based on AIGs estimate of 11m tons of waste per day.
    “Alternatively, sloped floors would have allowed the waste to flow into large central gutters. Noah’s family could have then dumped this overboard without an excessive expenditure of manpower.”
    Better than Nautilus equipment.

  9. What, no baraminologists in the comments section yet? The idea – which is ridiculous, I’ll grant – is that Noah didn’t gather all othe animals species, but representatives of every kind. Some sort of semi-mythical beast that encapsulated all things feline, another canine, another songbird, and so on, each with special DNA that, once they were released from the ark, enabled them to produce children that were of a completely different species than their parent.

    Yep, creationism is based off of the “bird hatching out of a lizard egg” thing that they themselves make fun of. Fun stuff.

  10. This flood/ark myth made much more sense when read in The Mahabharata. The story of Manu Vaivasvata and the fish. The fish tells Manu to build a boat and place in it “the seeds of all creatures” and moor the boat to the Himalaya. The fish turns out to be Brahma and all creatures were then made from the stored seeds.

    Ken should stop wasting his time with that failed experiment of Noah’s, the more he looks into it the more embarrassing it gets. NonStampCollector from Youtube made a nice video showing the what is needed to take Noahs ark seriously – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_BzWUuZN5w

  11. the 3 – 30 million number for animals is way too low.

    Naw, they figured out that only 15,754 animals were needed on the ark. Then there was hyper evolution … but only within kinds, of course!

    http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/woodmorappe-review.html

  12. I’m tired of hearing about Kanned Ham and his multimillion dollar vanity boondoggle. He ought to call it “Mark Encounter” — that would best sum up the sucker list of deluded benefactors, if they even exist. What if the “Ark” turned out to be an elaborate getaway vehicle for Hammy to abscond with the pledge funds, like some crazy James Bond villain? Seriously, sponsors would be well-advised to keep an eye on him. P. T. Barnum apparently never actually said “There’s a sucker born every minute,” but he did say “Every crowd has a silver lining.” Ham’s not even in the same class, of course. Barnum had charisma, and was as much an innovator and showman as huckster. Hambo is pure charlatan.

  13. Charley Horse says, “The key to believing or accepting the flood account is to not ever dwell on it. Just accept it as true because it is in the Bible. Not any part of the story has any chance of being defended in a
    logical way and you will never get a true believer to ever consider
    any of it not possible.”

    Agreed, especially that last sentence. The fundamentalist/literalists would be wise to concentrate on the central message of Jesus’s teachings, and not dwell on the easily disproven “bible stories”. St. Augustine said this first, and he was absolutely correct.

  14. retiredsciguy says:

    The fundamentalist/literalists would be wise to concentrate on the central message of Jesus’s teachings, and not dwell on the easily disproven “bible stories”.

    Oh no! If that happened, what would I blog about — Lindsay Lohan?

  15. Paul S said:

    Based on AIGs estimate of 11m tons of waste per day. “Alternatively, sloped floors would have allowed the waste to flow into large central gutters. Noah’s family could have then dumped this overboard without an excessive expenditure of manpower.”

    I suggest we find someone who has worked in stables. Something tells me they can provide some empirical data to this claim.

  16. Hmmmm. Some fast math. 11m tons of crap per day = 24,250 lbs. 1 cubic foot of shoveled crap = 50 lbs. That’s 485 shovel loads of crap per day or 40 times per hour someone had to take a load of crap from the lower level of the ark and toss it out the tiny window on the upper floor.
    This story is truly a boatload of crap.

  17. Gary says: “I suggest we find someone who has worked in stables. Something tells me they can provide some empirical data to this claim.”

    In fairness to the Ark believers, there is precedent for transporting animals by ship. See Horse transports in the Middle Ages. But those weren’t year-long voyages with millions of animals.

  18. SC, thanks for the fix. Hopefully no one else noticed.

  19. We even have a candidate for president who wears magic underwear and thinks American Indians are descendants of Jews…

    I just watched the debate. I think a certain candidate, I won’t say which one, needs to borrow the other guy’s magic underwear 😉

  20. I can only imagine what a ball you people would have if the Discoveroids bought into the Ark nonsense. As keepers of the big tent, however, they know that the mere mention of it will remind half of their audience that, if evolution’s evidence is “weak,” the Ark’s evidence is flat-out nonexistent. In fact Dembski admitted that in his pathetic pandering a few years back to his bosses at the seminary. His solution to the dilemma? It’s good to believe it anyway. But merely OK to accept ~4 billion years of common descent, and even then only if you are very quiet about it, and pretend that “the jury’s still out.”

  21. Our Curmudgeon testifies:

    however long the Ark was afloat, the bottom level was full, but that was no inconvenience whatsoever. They could all then disembark and leave the mess behind.

    That is correct and scripturally sound. Moreover, forget the various futile searches in modern day Turkey, I have it on good authority that the excreta-laden ark came to rest at 208 Columbia Street,Seattle, WA 98104

  22. Since God talks to Noah both before and after the flood (the Bible doesn’t mention how), he was definitely in the neighborhood, so to speak. All AiG has to do is to claim that God watched over the animals during the flood – either personally or through angels assigned to do the dirty work. They have nothing to gain by trying to come up with engineering solutions for what is essentially a miracle story, and their efforts to do so just highlights how truly implausible the ark really is.

    This is their fictionalized version of how events unfolded (from 1999). http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/cm/v21/n2/noah-man-who-trusted-god It reads as though Noah lived in the modern day, and was a successful businessman and program manager. The only miraculous help Noah needed was a hand with the door.

  23. Ed observes

    …God talks to Noah both before and after the flood (the Bible doesn’t mention how)

    OK, so maybe inerrant scripture does not specify which communication channel was used in this instance. Probably Twitter, #arkguy

    I hardly need point out that the Book of Daniel, Chapter 5, accurately records the very first posting, Mene, Mene, Tekel, u-Pharsin, on a Facebook wall, that of user Belshazzar.

    This was a substantial technological improvement on the complicated pyrotechnics of the beta version, Facebush, recorded in Exodus 3:1-22

  24. Megalonyx says: “This was a substantial technological improvement on the complicated pyrotechnics of the beta version, Facebush”

    They should have done some test marketing before choosing that ambiguous name.

  25. Our Curmudgeon asserts

    They should have done some test marketing before choosing that ambiguous name

    The Lord smirks in mysterious ways, my son.

  26. The creationist who did the most detailed model of Noah’s Ark’s problems is also the angriest creationist of all time: John Woodmorappe (not his real name.) He wrote Noah’s Ark: A Feasibility Study, which included detailed models about how to handle all the crap, how to feed the carnivorous dinosaurs, etc. I think that’s where the number of ~15,700 animals on the Ark came from.

    The book was rebutted by ex-creationist Glen Morton, whom YECs loathe.

    Woodmorappe’s attack on Morton is a miracle of angry old geezer fury. He’s the Senseless Curmudgeon. It’s worth reading for insight into the creationist mind, as he defends his calculations on all the crap.

    He especially hates Christian evolutionists like Morton, who make him totally lose it, whom he calls “criminal monsters” and who he insists are dumber than parrots.

    Some commentators have called attention to Morton’s (apparent) politeness. I have information which points to the contrary, but for the sake of discussion I will assume that it is true. But even then, politeness is no virtue when one is making irresponsible arguments. Remember, this is not a round-table debate on whether vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream are tastier. Morton is attacking the very Word of God. Like all compromising evangelicals, he is, in his book, subjecting Scripture to the most grotesque of contortions–all for the purpose of accommodating humanistic thought-processes and theories.

    …Recall the words of the immortal Martin Luther: “When they assail the Word of God so atrociously, these criminal monsters are pushing me beyond the bounds of moderation.”

    As for using the word “parrot” with reference to anti-Creationists, this stems from the fact that they ritualistically repeat earlier anti-ark chestnuts without exhibiting any evidence of thinking… (In all fairness to parrots, however, there is some evidence (see, for instance, the book: THE HUMAN NATURE OF BIRDS) that some of them may have a rudimentary understanding of sounds they vocalize).

    Hey you kids, get off my lawn! Grrr. He must be in his 70’s, and he spends his remaining days defending calculations about how much crap dinosaurs made on an imaginary boat. If creationism is true, life has no meaning.

  27. Somebody fixed my italics! Thx.

  28. Woodmorappe writes “I am not trying to prove that Noah’s Ark DID happen, only that it COULD HAVE happened–without 20th century levels of technology and/or a constant profusion of Divine miracles.

    Again, why is this important? The arc is afloat in a worldwide flood, which is a divine miracle of stupendous proportions, and yet it is necessary to prove that the arc could have happened without miracles? Following that logic, then one should also endeavor to prove that the worldwide flood itself could occur naturally, or that representative pairs of animals from all over the world just stopped what they were doing and journeyed great distances to the arc site without any divine intervention.

    If I were a creationist, I would just maintain that the arc was like Dr. Who’s Tardis, or a Harry Potter tent – it was bigger on the inside. God could have had the animals hibernate, and given them live long, extremely fertile lives afterwards. We’re dealing with an all-powerful being here, not a bronze age engineer.

  29. Curmy laments, “Oh no! If that happened, what would I blog about — Lindsay Lohan?” [if the fundamentalist/literalists were to concentrate on the central message of Jesus’s teachings, and not dwell on the easily disproven “bible stories”.]

    There would still be the Discovery Institute. I’m sure Casey & The Boys would keep you busy. They’re not nearly as amusing, though, so maybe you could pay some shill to write some ridiculous letters to editors for a laugh or two.

  30. @Ed:
    God could have had the animals hibernate

    That was exactly the argument of Henry Morris and John Whitcomb in Genesis Flood: just because there’s no evidence most animals can hibernate, doesn’t mean they couldn’t 4,000 years ago. Maybe God gave them the ability and they lost it.

  31. Diogenes quotes Woodmorappe: “As for using the word “parrot” with reference to anti-Creationists, this stems from the fact that they ritualistically repeat earlier anti-ark chestnuts without exhibiting any evidence of thinking…”

    Um … yeah … I might have to concede that point to Mr. Woodchuck. 🙂