World Ends in Only Five Weeks!

This is Friday, 16 November. According to the ancient Mayan prophesy, the world will end on 21 December — a mere five weeks from now. And the 21st of December is also a Friday — how’s that for a coincidence?

As the realization begins to sink in, people are reacting in very predictable ways. Old men are exposing themselves at bus stops, young women are skirt flashing, and creationists are babbling their usual nonsense, but with what seems like increasingly frenzied incoherence.

So we went to the NASA website to see what we could learn. Those are the guys who got us to the Moon, so surely they have something useful to say at this time of global concern. We found Beyond 2012: Why the World Won’t End.

It looks like they’re trying to avert panic by saying there’s nothing to worry about, but whatcha gonna do if they’re wrong? If you think they’re lying, it’s too late to sue them. By the time your lawyer negotiates a settlement there won’t be any time left to spend it. So if NASA is right, that’s fine; and if they’re wrong, it doesn’t matter any more.

Go ahead and check it out for yourself, but the way we see it, NASA is trying to tell us that:

The world will not end in 2012. Our planet has been getting along just fine for more than 4 billion years, and credible scientists worldwide know of no threat associated with 2012.

[…]

Nibiru, a supposed planet discovered by the Sumerians, is headed toward Earth. This catastrophe was initially predicted for May 2003, but when nothing happened the doomsday date was moved forward to December 2012 and linked to the end of one of the cycles in the ancient Mayan calendar at the winter solstice in 2012 — hence the predicted doomsday date of December 21, 2012.

[…]

Nibiru and other stories about wayward planets are an Internet hoax. There is no factual basis for these claims. If Nibiru or Planet X were real and headed for an encounter with the Earth in 2012, astronomers would have been tracking it for at least the past decade, and it would be visible by now to the naked eye. Obviously, it does not exist.

There’s more at that link, and at this one: 2012 – A Scientific Reality Check, and also at this one: The Great 2012 Doomsday Scare.

That’s a lotta links about something that’s supposed to be nothing. Do they think they can fool us? NASA is desperately trying to keep the lid on, but as the terminal date gets closer, we don’t think they can handle it. Unlike the wussies at NASA, however, your Curmudgeon can handle it. With nerves of steel, we’ll continue to blog until The End.

If the impending end of the world is too depressing a subject, that’s quite all right. Your Curmudgeon understands if you don’t want to talk about it. Treat this post as one one of our free-fire zones, where we’re open for the discussion of pretty much anything — science, politics, economics, whatever — as long as it’s tasteful and interesting. Banter, babble, bicker, bluster, blubber, blather, blab, blurt, burble, boast — say what you will. But avoid flame-wars and beware of the profanity filters.

We now throw open the comments to you, dear reader. Have at it.

Copyright © 2012. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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20 responses to “World Ends in Only Five Weeks!

  1. Evidently, Hostess is going out of business, meaning that there will be no more Ho-Hos. If that’s not a sign of the Apocalypse(tm), I don’t know what is.

    Oh, wait…they’re putting their brands up for sale, so Ho-hos will still exist, as will Twinkies and Wonder Bread. Sorry, my bad.

  2. Perhaps this would be a good time to take up religion. But which one? There’s so many to choose from and I wouldn’t to pick one and get the wrong one. Or choose the right one, move on to another one, and then go to Hell for apostasy.

    Ahhhh! I’ll have to stick with atheism and hope for the best.

  3. Twinkies are the reason I didn’t fear the cold war. I ate so many in the seventies that my body could have withstood anything. There’s nothing better than a Twinkie and a Coke to start your day.

  4. @Dave, I recommend The Savvy Convert’s Guide to Choosing a Religion. It’s a comprehensive guide to the 99 most popular religions from African Independent Churches to Zulu. It lists the perks, drawbacks, activities and paraphernalia of each and in case you’re lonely, how many new friends you’ll have. I’m not sure if it is supposed to be a serious book, but I think it’s a hoot.

  5. NASA is going to look pretty damned silly when the Earth is destroyed by a Giant Rogue Twinkie from the Orion Constellation. Bet they didn’t see that one coming!

    Nor, I am certain, do any Italian seismologists — and they’re the ones I’m going to sue, as apparently they’re easy meat…

  6. “young women are skirt flashing”

    Where? Where???
    😉

  7. Megalonyx, in case you were wondering, Olivia will be spending the Last Days with me.

  8. SC, thanks for the rewrite. Although they like to help, I should never use my cats as copy editors.

  9. Heres hoping Niburu hits smack dab on top of Klinglehooples desktop PC.
    He could write a really fiery expose on parchment paper after, (an authentic touch I’d say) . If it happens its because the magical designer really meant to slam it down on Judge Hiroshige’s bench and/or is rethinking his earlier irreducible flagellum work and was distracted allowing it to create The lake of Fire TM. MeanwhileI’m stocking up on Campbell’s minestrone soup in honor of Galileo(how’d he miss this thing coming towards us?). I can be found hiding under my desk until this is over..Ciao …..

  10. Our Curmudgeon comforts himself with the delusion:

    Olivia will be spending the Last Days with me

    Don’t tell him, but he misheard the wonderful Ms J. What she actually said to him, almost immediately after she met me of course, was, “Curmy, I have spent my last day with you!”

  11. Those silly scientists at NASA foolishly claim

    If Nibiru or Planet X were real and headed for an encounter with the Earth in 2012, astronomers would have been tracking it for at least the past decade, and it would be visible by now to the naked eye.

    Hah! Not if Nibiru is fitted out with a Romulan Cloaking Device!

  12. Women really haven’t worn skirts since b’ak’tun 12.
    As for the rouge twinkie coming from the Orion constellation. It should be noted that (in the plane of the galaxy) the Sun itself is part of the Orion constellation. So maybe the twinkie is coming from Earth.

  13. Troy suggests

    maybe the twinkie is coming from Earth

    Jeepers! I hadn’t considered that Hostess Brands might have just such a Doomsday Machine!

  14. I was logged in, but somehow got logged out and my post rendered “Anonymous”.

    Is this yet another portent of the End Times?

  15. Megalonyx says: “I was logged in, but somehow got logged out”

    That’s the sort of thing that caused Olivia to leave you.

  16. SC, are you saying she doesn’t care for guys whose cream-filled Twinkies unexpectedly log out?

  17. If the Mayans were so smart, why couldn’t they predict the European invasion and conquest?

  18. @ retiredsciguy: The ancient and venerable Tantric art of twinkus interruptus is one of the few contraceptive techniques which can boast the Vatican Seal of Approval.

    Unlike the Pope, however, it is not infallible. Caveat fornicator

  19. Okay, since this is a free-for-all, I’d like to bring your humble attentions to the following:
    An Ars Technica article on a lawsuit by NPR (National Public Radio) against a creationist.
    The second thing is this BBC article talking about a new textbook in India in which:

    meat-eaters “easily cheat, lie, forget promises and commit sex crimes

    The book also has this:

    The strongest argument that meat is not essential food is the fact that the Creator of this Universe did not include meat in the original diet for Adam and Eve. He gave them fruits, nuts and vegetables,” reads a chapter entitled Do We Need Flesh Food?

    And so it begins…

  20. Meat-eaters “easily cheat, lie, forget promises and commit sex crimes”, according to a controversial school textbook available in India.

    Heh! Same can be said against any group of people you wish to denigrate — “Candy eaters easily cheat…”; “tomato eaters easily cheat…”;
    “Mountain Dew drinkers easily cheat…” — well, you get the idea. Within any such group, there will be some members that fit the description, thus making it a true statement.

    Of course, the implication is that all meat eaters “easily cheat, lie, forget promises and commit sex crimes”, but that’s not what the statement actually says.