WorldNetDaily’s Theory of Quantum Hogwash

Buffoon Award

Our Thanksgiving Day tranquility was shattered by blaring sirens and lights flashing on the wall display of our Retard-o-tron™. The blinking letters on the wall said WorldNetDaily.

WorldNetDaily (WND) is the flamingly creationist, absolutely execrable, moronic, and incurably crazed journalistic organ that believes in and enthusiastically promotes every conspiracy theory that ever existed. WND was an early winner of the Curmudgeon’s Buffoon Award, thus that jolly logo displayed above this post.

The Retard-o-tron™ directed us to this article: The science behind giving thanks, which appears beneath a banner that proclaims its author, Robert Ringer, to be “A Voice of Sanity.”

Who is Robert Ringer? We’ve described him once before — see WorldNetDaily: A Voice of Sanity? His article today is mostly an empty wasteland, but we found a few paragraphs that are amusing, so here they are, with bold font added by us:

Here it is, Thanksgiving again. …

Yes, we know. Get on with it.

I’d like to share with you something personal that has become a centerpiece in my life. For many years, I have made it a habit to think of every day as a day of thanksgiving by beginning each morning consciously thinking about my blessings.

Don’t throw up all over your keyboard, dear reader. Hold on a little while longer. The good stuff is coming, we promise.

Since every negative has an offsetting positive built into it, and vice versa, you always have a choice as to whether to focus on the abundance or the scarcity in your life. And my firsthand experience has convinced me beyond all doubt that if you want more negatives in your life, all you need to do is concentrate on the negatives that already exist.

All we need to do is concentrate? Really? Let’s read on:

Likewise, if you want more positives in your life, you’d be wise to focus on the positives you already have. You’ll be amazed at the number of new positives that will almost magically make their appearance into your life as a result of this mindset.

How wonderful! All we need is the right mindset. We continue:

Let me make it clear that there that is nothing magical about this phenomenon. On the contrary, it’s quite scientific. What makes it possible is the fact that 1) all atoms are connected, and 2) atoms vibrate at tremendous rates of speed.

See? We promised you this would be entertaining. Here’s more:

That’s why, when your thoughts are positive, science works its wonders and causes those vibrating atoms in your brain to draw positive people, things and circumstances into your life. Because you are connected to the Conscious Universal Power Source, you always have infinite power at your disposal.

Infinite power! Just what you always wanted. Isn’t this great? The article continues:

Even if you’re an atheist, you will find that focusing on your blessings is a cathartic way to start each day. Again, it’s a matter of science.

Well, of course — science works for atheists too. Okay now, we have to skip over a big load of nonsense … ah, let’s end it with this final excerpt:

Start each day by celebrating your own version of year-round thanksgiving, in solitude, and it will change the way you look at life. And, as they say in quantum physics, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Once again, dear reader, the Curmudgeon’s humble blog has brought you life-altering information. No, there’s no possible way you could thank us. Just get out there and think positive thoughts.

Copyright © 2012. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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14 responses to “WorldNetDaily’s Theory of Quantum Hogwash

  1. Oh . . . my . . . goodness. That is stultifyingly ignorant.

    How can one have an argument, heck even a conversation, with someone who believes such nonsense?

    Happy Thanksgiving (I am thankful for the Ole Curmudge, I am.)

  2. As a physicist, few things piss me off more than pseudo-mystical charlatans babbling about vibration. Seriously guys. Yes, stuff vibrates. And it has nothing to do with Jesus Christ or angels or who knows what.
    Thanks for contributing to unmasking these people! Your efforts are greatly appreciated.

  3. i wonder if that turkey i am going to eat today was concentrating on the negative . . .

  4. Sounds like the intro to a new age self help book.

    @david yerle: I hear you. I don’t do physics but I’ve had enough of having the same conversation again and again with parents about why vaccines won’t give their kids autism and how there is no scientific evidence to support homeopathic remedies or chiropractic as a cure for behavior problems or diabetes or ear infections.

  5. LOL. And they say, “you can’t make this stuff up.” My funny bone sure is thankful for crazy people – and those who are willing to sift through their ramblings to retrieve gems like this!

  6. tsesimmons@comcast.net

    Talk about being in your CUPS- Conscious Universal Pathology Scenario

  7. The WND “turkey” assures me:

    Because you are connected to the Conscious Universal Power Source, you always have infinite power at your disposal.

    I can’t seem to get my laptop to run off this infinite power source–can anyone here tell me how to plug into this ‘CUPS’? I could save a bundle on my electric bills.

    And, I am guessing that this wonderful CUPS was the power source for the fabled McConaghie Lavatorial Rover (its mission: to covertly go where no man has gone before!), a technical detail which had been taxing me.

    In the meantime, from the UK (a nation of ingrates), I wish a Happy Thanksgiving to SC blog readers!

  8. Just remember to alwaaaaaays look on the briiiiiiight siiiide of life…

  9. I’m just a physics student and I haven’t got deep into quantum physics yet, only read a few books. My question is:

    How does a positive thought atom differ from a negative thought atom?

    @Grum pffft pf pf pfffty pufff perfff … I can’t whistle.

  10. I am often in my CUPS; never knew it was a positive thing, though.

    As for this comment:

    As a physicist, few things piss me off more than pseudo-mystical charlatans babbling about vibration.

    If you want good vibrations put on the Beach Boys.

  11. Joe said:
    i wonder if that turkey i am going to eat today was concentrating on the negative . . .

    I used to have a postcard pinned in my office. It was an admittedly disturbing, b&w postwar image of a lab monkey with electrodes attached to its brain and its mouth filled with 40 or 50 lit cigarettes. The caption read “Each Day Is a Gift.” One day I found it torn in half by an unidentified coworker (whom I’ve always assumed was either sensitive or irony-impaired. All they had to do was ask me to take it down, and I would’ve instantly complied.)

    S’okay, not everyone understands black humor. In my experience religious people almost never do — and if it happens to involve animals you’re on particularly thin ice. If I still had the postcard today I would send it to Ringer with my regards. Good luck to everyone making turkey jokes at dinner today during grace, while true-believer relatives safeguard the holiday from all us heathens.

  12. can anyone here tell me how to plug into this ‘CUPS’?

    Depends – are you running UNIX?

  13. Johnny Mercer said (sang) it better.

  14. Mr Ringer is one of those blessed individuals who goes through life doing and saying whatever idiotic destructive garbage he wants to because.well.,
    hes blessed. Being a flamer is much easier when you’re blessed because you’re always right and everything you do is forgiven. Its perfect.,,,,,for him. And after all isn’t that what its all about?