Our Thanksgiving Day tranquility was shattered by blaring sirens and lights flashing on the wall display of our Retard-o-tron™. The blinking letters on the wall said WorldNetDaily.
WorldNetDaily (WND) is the flamingly creationist, absolutely execrable, moronic, and incurably crazed journalistic organ that believes in and enthusiastically promotes every conspiracy theory that ever existed. WND was an early winner of the Curmudgeon’s Buffoon Award, thus that jolly logo displayed above this post.
The Retard-o-tron™ directed us to this article: The science behind giving thanks, which appears beneath a banner that proclaims its author, Robert Ringer, to be “A Voice of Sanity.”
Who is Robert Ringer? We’ve described him once before — see WorldNetDaily: A Voice of Sanity? His article today is mostly an empty wasteland, but we found a few paragraphs that are amusing, so here they are, with bold font added by us:
Here it is, Thanksgiving again. …
Yes, we know. Get on with it.
I’d like to share with you something personal that has become a centerpiece in my life. For many years, I have made it a habit to think of every day as a day of thanksgiving by beginning each morning consciously thinking about my blessings.
Don’t throw up all over your keyboard, dear reader. Hold on a little while longer. The good stuff is coming, we promise.
Since every negative has an offsetting positive built into it, and vice versa, you always have a choice as to whether to focus on the abundance or the scarcity in your life. And my firsthand experience has convinced me beyond all doubt that if you want more negatives in your life, all you need to do is concentrate on the negatives that already exist.
All we need to do is concentrate? Really? Let’s read on:
Likewise, if you want more positives in your life, you’d be wise to focus on the positives you already have. You’ll be amazed at the number of new positives that will almost magically make their appearance into your life as a result of this mindset.
How wonderful! All we need is the right mindset. We continue:
Let me make it clear that there that is nothing magical about this phenomenon. On the contrary, it’s quite scientific. What makes it possible is the fact that 1) all atoms are connected, and 2) atoms vibrate at tremendous rates of speed.
See? We promised you this would be entertaining. Here’s more:
That’s why, when your thoughts are positive, science works its wonders and causes those vibrating atoms in your brain to draw positive people, things and circumstances into your life. Because you are connected to the Conscious Universal Power Source, you always have infinite power at your disposal.
Infinite power! Just what you always wanted. Isn’t this great? The article continues:
Even if you’re an atheist, you will find that focusing on your blessings is a cathartic way to start each day. Again, it’s a matter of science.
Well, of course — science works for atheists too. Okay now, we have to skip over a big load of nonsense … ah, let’s end it with this final excerpt:
Start each day by celebrating your own version of year-round thanksgiving, in solitude, and it will change the way you look at life. And, as they say in quantum physics, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Once again, dear reader, the Curmudgeon’s humble blog has brought you life-altering information. No, there’s no possible way you could thank us. Just get out there and think positive thoughts.
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