NASA Needs Your Ideas

This is the sort of thing that makes blogging worthwhile. Yesterday, NASA (the National Aeronautics and Space Administration) issued this press release: NASA Seeks Concepts for Innovative Uses of Large Space Telescopes. It says:

NASA is exploring options for innovative and imaginative uses of two large space telescopes recently transferred to the agency. In a request for information (RFI) published Monday, NASA seeks information about system concepts and architectures that would take advantage of these assets to address NASA’s goals in astrophysics, heliophysics, planetary sciences, and human spaceflight.

NASA wants our help. Isn’t this exciting? Let’s see what else they say:

“Because there are two telescopes, there is room for projects that span the gamut of the imagination,” said Michael Moore —

Please forgive the mid-sentence interruption, but … Michael Moore? That bloated pile of poop is at NASA? No, say it ain’t so! It’s gotta be some other guy with a very unfortunate name. Let’s resume the press release where we left off:

— said Michael Moore, a senior program executive at NASA Headquarters in Washington. “They range from simple balloon flights to complex missions in science using new technologies under development and the capabilities available with the International Space Station and our commercial space flight partners.”

Ah, they’re talking about this guy: Michael R. Moore. Poor fellow, he’s undoubtedly heard all the jokes and he doesn’t think they’re funny. He’s right, so we’ll drop it.

Does the press release have anything else we need to know? Here’s one more excerpt:

The RFI [request for information] invites interested parties to provide an outline of their concept in enough detail for a next-step assessment by NASA as it prepares for future investments in diverse areas of science and technology. Respondents who submit the most interesting concepts will be invited to present their ideas at a workshop in Huntsville, Ala., in early February 2013.

This is a great opportunity, dear reader. NASA is offering to use its facilities to aid you in your research. Naturally, your Curmudgeon sees this as a chance to further the interests of our humble blog. What we’d like NASA to do with those resources is devote them to the cause of creationism. However, because creationists are unfamiliar with the methods of science, we’ll have to help them by offering some ideas they can propose to NASA.

In order to do that, it’s necessary to think like a creationist. You know how it’s done. Bend over … waaaaay over. Place your head firmly — well, you know what to do. All right now, with your head lodged in the proper position, start thinking! If you were a creationist with NASA’s resources available to you, what would you do? We’ll offer a few of our own ideas, and then let’s see what you can suggest.

Surely the Discoveroids — described in the Cast of Characters section of our Intro page — have some really dandy intelligent design research ideas that NASA could pursue. Just think — NASA could search for the celestial home of the Intelligent Designer — blessed be he! — or at least they could search for evidence of his existence. No doubt the Discoveroids have many other areas of research they could suggest. After all, they claim that they’re scientists, right?

NASA could also help Ken Ham and the gang at Answers in Genesis by turning those powerful instruments earthward to search for — and find! — the remains of Noah’s Ark. At last the proof will be available, and all those hell-bound Darwinists will stop laughing at Hambo and his followers.

And we have one more idea — you knew this was coming. Our last idea is inspired by the career of a famous and politically powerful creationist in the UK — David McConaghie. Surely you remember him (see Creationist Suspected of Bathroom Voyeurism). Just imagine what he and his — ahem! — movement could accomplish with NASA’s mighty instrument.

Okay, that’s what we suggest. Perhaps you can do better.

Copyright © 2012. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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9 responses to “NASA Needs Your Ideas

  1. I’m proposing the obvious here. As a leading Knight of Uranus, I propose Luskin himself be a study topic.
    A physician could use one of the telescopes to see if someone can bend him over and find Casey’s head, wherever he has stuck it . They will be searching deep space territory to do that. ‘Could take years and cost millions of lives. 🙂

  2. I’d like to propose the even more obvious: To turn those telescopes around and look thru it backwards (like I used to do with my toy telescope as a kid) and make all that disturbing evidence look like it’s very very far away.

    That’s pretty much what the Cdesign Proponentists do already, but this would let them do it [echo=ON] FROM SPACE! [echo=OFF]

  3. Ceteris Paribus

    O-M-G We could be witness to a bitter telescope fight between NASA, and that astronomical diviner of destiny, David Rives.

    But since Rives has both God and World Net Daily on his side of the eyepiece, there’s really nothing much left for NASA to do with its telescopes except keep tabs on evaporating comets.

  4. Charles Deetz ;)

    Can we just have our own experiment? Have the AIG guys locked in a room with these telescopes and see if they’ll understand that the light from stars took more than 6,000 years to get here.

  5. SC said:

    NASA could also help Ken Ham and the gang at Answers in Genesis by turning those powerful instruments earthward to search for — and find! — the remains of Noah’s Ark.

    Yeah! They could turn Hubble around and… wait… the Earth is going by too fast.
    Okay, how about the LANDSATs? Probably not enough resolution.
    Oh, hell. They’ll have to settle for this.

  6. “The 700 Club” co-host Pat Robertson has voiced his disagreement with Young Earth Creationists
    We might use a telescope connected to an MRI machine to scan and identify, which three neurons, in which staff member’s brain housing assembly, connected synapses, fired, forming a logical thought, and caused him or her to instruct Pat to disagree with the YEC’s today on the “700” club.
    That only leaves Pat and his followers who agree, intelligunt dezine.TM

  7. doodlebugger says: “Pat Robertson has voiced his disagreement with Young Earth Creationists”

    Fascinating. I’ll blog about it when we get ol’ Hambo’s furious response.

  8. I found it on YouTube. Gotta post it.

  9. My suggestion would be to park the telescopes at the earth-sun Lagrange points L4 and L5, to create an extremely long base-line optical interferometer telescope (the beam combiner could be at L1). We probably do not have the technology to pull it off, but if we could, the resolution would be fantastic.

    From a creationist viewpoint, such a system could be used to resolve the structure of the crystal dome on which astronomical objects are obviously mounted.