Ten Days Until The End — One Man’s Plan

Everybody knows that The End of the World is scheduled for December 21 according to the Mayan prophesy. And everyone has his own way of dealing with this — the greatest crisis of all. We just learned of one man who has a unique way of handling things.

We present to you, dear reader, some excerpts from Sedona Man Plans on Jumping Off a Tall Rock on December 21, Believes He’ll Land in a Portal, which appears in the Phoenix New Times of Phoenix, Arizona. The bold font was added by us:

A Sedona man plans on jumping off a very tall rock on December 21, and he believes he will be landing in a cosmic portal. Peter Gersten, a retired lawyer — who, at one point, became “professionally involved with the UFO phenomenon” — has been detailing his lead-up to the opening of a portal at the base of Sedona’s Bell Rock for at least two years now.

That sounds like as good a plan as any. Sedona is about 120 miles north of Phoenix, and here’s some information about Bell Rock. According to Wikipedia, “Some New Age writers consider Bell Rock to be a portal into the Earth or a gateway to other dimensions.”

The Phoenix New Times quotes Mr. Gersten. This comes from the conclusion of his website, A LEAP OF FAITH:

Most of you will think that I am delusional and that my insane act will certainly result in my death. Death is inevitable – at least nowadays – and 100 years from now it won’t matter whether I died in 2012 or 2013 or even 2020. But I believe that some type of cosmic portal will be opening at that time and place and that an opportunity will present itself. I fully expect that it will either lead to the next level of this cosmic program; freedom from an imprisoning time-loop; a magical Martian-like bubble; or something equally as exotic.

In March 2012 I will reach 70 years of age and nine months later we arrive at the cosmic coordinate. I think it will then be time for me to move on – in one form or another. I’d like to see what else our Cosmic Computer has to offer.

A perfectly reasonable explanation. Here’s one last excerpt from the news story:

Now, it’s not entirely clear if Gersten is actually going to jump off this rock on December 21. He is, however, going to be up there that day, waiting. “I will be on the top of Bell Rock on 12-21-2012 from at least 11:00 am to either midnight or the manifestation of an extraordinary event – whichever comes first,” Gersten told us in an e-mail.

We hope it works out for the guy.

Copyright © 2012. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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23 responses to “Ten Days Until The End — One Man’s Plan

  1. Charley Horse

    Diving into a portal…whatever that is…reminds me of the old
    joke about why the lab used lawyers instead of rats….

  2. Gersten must be feeling the same blessed relief I felt at reaching the age of seventy: I was no longer at risk for premature death.

    However, instead of getting it over with as Gersten plans, I intend to wait for an untimely death–untimely because it is overdue.

  3. He should wait until he sees the asteroid about to hit earth, then jump.
    Or, he could wear a blindfold and just listen for it, hoping he doesn’t mistake it for a passing truck.

  4. Sounds like a good calling for a lemming. Maybe he’ll take some (many?)creationists along with him on his journey through the portal. Bon voyage.

  5. Rather than jump into a portal, I think I’ll jump into a bottle of port.

  6. Most of you will think know that I am delusional and that my insane act will certainly result in my death.

    There. FTFY.

  7. Let me add this. Yes, deluded, 70-ish lawyer is going to jump into his “portal” and make a big, nice stain on some rock somewhere. If that’s what you want to do, I’d like to say, “Go to it.” Here’s the problem. Somebody has to clean it up. Did he make provisions to do that? My guess is, “No”. Which means that some poor emergency services worker (coroner, firefighter, police officer) will have to do it instead. Speaking as a former firefighter who has had to remove a few dead bodies, that’s not something that you get out of your head easily. He might say, “I’m not being selfish. I only want to kill myself.” Fine, except the episode doesn’t end when your brain and heart stop. Someone has to clean up after you.

  8. Gary, Unless the rock is heavily weathered and permeable, the stain will wash off after a few rains. Ten years from now, the layer of rock he hit will have weathered enough that the surface of rock he contacts won’t be there anymore. This guy should ask Becker if he wants to come along though.

  9. Gabriel Hanna

    At his age, most likely his genes are already in the pool. God DAMN it. One of MY descendants might marry one of his.

  10. @Doodlebugger: Yeah, but what about the big pile of goo on top of the stain? Someone has to deal with *that*. Otherwise, you get some tourists looking around, “Oh, isn’t this a wonderful vie… uh, what is that down there?”

  11. Charley Horse

    A lot of interest here…SC you should get a poll going…
    will he jump to his death…leap into a portal…over sleep…
    or find a loop hole to avoid disgrace.

  12. Charley Horse

    Of course, we might not be around to view the outcome.

  13. He will be prevented from jumping. Having announced his intentions, he has given notice to the emergency workers mentioned by Gary, who will quickly determine that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of clean-up.

    If he somehow gets past the preventers, he won’t splat. Even if he jumps from a high enough point to reach terminal velocity (very fitting term, by the way), he would just become a corpse, not a splatter. Oh, there will be blood, but an impact of 120 mph or less will not turn his flesh to goo.

    I’m sure Fox, CNN, et al will be there, and you can see the results.

    If he’s successful(?), look for Bell Rock to be re-named Lawyer’s Leap.

  14. Gneiss

  15. Whether corpse, splatter or goo, it’s still a mess you don’t want to have to clean up. Trust me on this one, friends.
    Translation: RSG, I really hope you’re right.

  16. @Gary:Otherwise, you get some tourists looking around, “Oh, isn’t this a wonderful vie… uh, what is that down there?”

    Doesn’t stop people from climbing Everest.

    https://www.google.com/search?q=everest+corpses&hl=en&tbo=d&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=IxPIUOSUCefdyAHYmoCACg&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAA&biw=1600&bih=771

  17. I don’t understand this: today is Twelve-Twelve-Twelve Day (12/12/2012), which sounds way cooler than 21 December [12/21/12 (US) or 21/12/2012 (UK)], so why aren’t there New Age fruitcakes diving into mystic portals today?

    In any event, the Mr Gersten in the article does rather lend himself to a seasonal filk:

    On the Tenth Day ’til Doomsday
    Our Curmy brought to me:

    1 Lawyer Leaping…

  18. Oh, don’t worry, Megalonyx–there are plenty of New Age fruitcakes in the Sedona area, and on any given day at least some of them will be doing something strange. But let’s be fair about this. I go up there to troll the waters of Oak Creek for Arizona Snaketails (a kind of dragonfly) to photograph, and some might consider that strange.

  19. Megalonyx says: “today is Twelve-Twelve-Twelve Day (12/12/2012)”

    Hey, yeah! I forgot all about that. I gotta post something.

  20. Ceteris Paribus

    Maybe the attorney just got bored while waiting around for the Coppedge v. JPL decision to get handed down, and found something else to do with his time.

  21. @SC: Remember to post it at 12:12:12…

  22. gnome de net says: “Remember to post it at 12:12:12…”

    I’ll get it done ahead of time — at least in my time zone. That way everyone can be prepared for the magic moment.

  23. Sound like to me that he will be there until Midnight then he will go home disappointed and confused.