The Day After the End of the World

Curmudgeon in space

Who would have believed it? There we were, awaiting The End, having taken all the recommended precautions. We were fully clothed, lying in bed with a bag over our head, carefully aligned with magnetic north, and all the bathroom fixtures were sealed. We hoped to survive, and yet we were peacefully resigned to our fate.

Then suddenly, with no warning … a portal opened up leading to another dimension! We didn’t hesitate. Bravely we took a leap of faith! And now we find ourselves in space, watching in wonder as a new universe swiftly assembles itself out of the swirling chaos and debris of the former universe.

Even as we send this message (with an actual photo as evidence, made using approved Discovery Institute methods), we can see a new Earth being assembled nearby. Soon it will be complete and we will descend to take our place, in a world where only we remember what truly happened on the 21st. The Mayans were right! The world really did end. But only your Curmudgeon experienced the fullness of it.

By the time you read this everything will seem normal to you, and you will think that nothing out of the ordinary happened yesterday. But you’re a fool! How little you know! The Curmudgeon knows all!

Of all the billions of humans on Earth, only the Curmudgeon’s consciousness has transcended intact from the old universe to the new one. But because of our legendary humility, you need not refer to us as The Transcendent Curmudgeon. We will simply continue as before, but with an amazingly heightened awareness. And of course, we have the above photo as proof of our incredible journey.

We shall now return this blog to its customary subject matter, but for us — nothing will ever be the same.

Copyright © 2012. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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16 responses to “The Day After the End of the World

  1. Does this mean that the Earth was not created Last Thursday?

  2. Correct. The Earth (this version) was created last night.

  3. Does this mean we need to upgrade to “Transcendent Curmudgeonite”

  4. Mmmmm…..I reckon that photo’s fake.

  5. Molly said: “Mmmmm…..I reckon that photo’s fake.”
    Un-UNNNH! I did that in my very own, high-tech, state-of-the-art, you-WISH-you-were-in-it laboratory! Just like Ann Gauger’s!

  6. Seems as though you’ve got decent internet service on the moon or wherever you are, TC. (Bet you wish now that you had thought of “The Transcendent Curmudgeon” when you first started your blog, eh?)

    Anyway, good to see you made it through with the rest of us!

  7. Gary says:

    Molly said: “Mmmmm…..I reckon that photo’s fake.”

    I think she’s talking about my photo.

  8. SC, This is one small step for Curmudgeonhood, one giant leap for blog fans worldwide… Since our Curm has passed through some knid of amazing portal and returned to report to us, the space cadets at the ‘Tute could be jealous again. They might report “Houston, we’re venting some kind of gas into space”. Its methane Casey and its coming from your office. 🙂
    Having acheived lift off , if you get my drift, I was surprised to realize the asteroids at the Tute stranded on the launch pad someday soon will have this final transmission as they drift through SCs new found galaxy of stars and planets .. Casey, “Anyone, anyone. Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up. Klingledinglehoper has eaten all the Hostess cupcakes and we’re lost in deep space” Send moneeeeyyyyyy………..!!

  9. I always thought you lived in an different universe. Your mind seemed so much larger that all of ours.

  10. My comment on the Panda’s Thumb:

    Since no one has yet to provide me evidence to the contrary, I must conclude that the world did end yesterday. It also ended in Oct. 2011, as Harold Camping predicted. Now you may ask, “How can it end twice, and when did it re-start in between?” To which I contend that such questions are unimportant, like the age of the earth, and which “kinds” do and don’t share common ancestors. What is important is that you “Darwinists” have been unable to answer my questions, because of your liberal, atheist bias. So I must be right, and if that’s not taught in schools at taxpayer expense, you are engaging in censorship.

    I challenge anyone to show me how the above paragraph is any more absurd than what the “big tent” scammers and trolls say.

  11. This is probably our last word ever on Peter Gersten: Sedona Vortex Jumper Peter Gersten Wanders Home After Vortex Fails to Open.

    Hey, Gersten — I got yer vortex! Nya, nya, nyaaaaaaaaah!

  12. @DavidK:
    Thank you for the link; it is excellent. Of course, Mooney wrote the excellent book, “The Republican War on Science”. Here’s perhaps the most revealing quote in that book:
    In a famous October 2004 New York Times article on the Bush administration, journalist Ron Suskind described his encounter with a “senior adviser” to the president:
    The aide said that guys like me were “in what we call the reality-based community,” which he defined as people who “believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible reality.” I nodded and murmured something about enlightenment principles and empiricism. He cut me off. “That’s not the way the world really works anymore,” he continued. “We’re an empire now and when we act, we create our own reality.”

  13. That spacesuit is too small for you. Remember, a snug fits makes one’s head look fat. I’d have gone with my size in a slimming black, with a tasteful pinstripe for the oxygen tank. There’s no need to give up comfort. Thin thighs aren’t everything, you know.

  14. @Gary: Pass the Transcendent Curmudgeomite please, I’ve got a Crea-IDiot on the line.

  15. NeonNoodle says: “That spacesuit is too small for you.”

    I know. I bought it at a NASA rummage sale. That’s what I was sleeping in to prepare for The End.