There’s a total absence of news today (our kind of news) so we went dumpster-diving at the website of Jack Chick — the world’s greatest theologian, philosopher, illustrator, humanitarian, and creationist.
If you’re not yet familiar with Chick’s creationist comics, you can read them online from the links in this post: Creationist Comic Books. They’re all classics — especially Big Daddy? Chick is the purveyor extraordinaire of the most mindless, theologically primitive version of raw, young-earth creationism that can be found anywhere.
But there’s more to Chick than mere creationism. He’s a very strict sectarian, and he strongly urges evangelical activity to spread the word — his version, of course — to everyone. A good example is this, which has been sitting at his website for quite some time: How to Start or Support a Prison Ministry. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us:
Many of you have asked us how to go about starting your own prison ministry (or how to help support one that’s already going). We have put together a short list of suggestions to help you:
You see, dear reader, there’s more to your Curmudgeon’s blog than just ridiculing creationism. Today we’re bringing you news you can actually use. We know you want to jump right into this, so let’s not delay. Here we go:
Contact a local prison chaplain to see if he would be willing to receive Chick tracts for the prisoners. You can do this by calling the prison and asking to speak to him or asking for an e-mail where you can contact him. You can also send a letter addressed to the chaplain’s attention.
It’s clear that the “prison ministry” Chick has in mind consists of spreading his comic books around, but that’s okay. Let’s read on:
The prison addresses and phone numbers are listed in your local telephone book, online, or if you know the name of the prison you can call information and they can give you the telephone number.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! The assumption is that those who want to launch a Chick-style comic book ministry need help finding a phone number! The article continues:
Check to see if your church has a prison ministry, find out who is in charge and offer to donate tracts for the prisoners.
Good advice! Here’s more:
If you know of someone that has a family member in prison, ask them if it would be okay if you sent Chick tracts, comics and books to their family member.
Yes — your friends and neighbors should be a great source of prison inmates. The last suggestion is even more interesting:
If you do not know anyone, you can make a donation to the following ministry [contact information omitted]. [He] works with us to provide Chick literature directly to prisoners.
So many wonderful suggestions! If you can’t figure out how to contact a prison, check with your preacher. If that doesn’t get you anywhere, then ask your friends. And if you don’t know anyone, send money to a Chick-approved ministry.
Well, dear reader, there’s no excuse for inaction. Even you can start a Jack Chick comic book prison ministry. What are you waiting for?
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