Jack Chick: How to Start a Prison Ministry

There’s a total absence of news today (our kind of news) so we went dumpster-diving at the website of Jack Chick — the world’s greatest theologian, philosopher, illustrator, humanitarian, and creationist.

If you’re not yet familiar with Chick’s creationist comics, you can read them online from the links in this post: Creationist Comic Books. They’re all classics — especially Big Daddy? Chick is the purveyor extraordinaire of the most mindless, theologically primitive version of raw, young-earth creationism that can be found anywhere.

But there’s more to Chick than mere creationism. He’s a very strict sectarian, and he strongly urges evangelical activity to spread the word — his version, of course — to everyone. A good example is this, which has been sitting at his website for quite some time: How to Start or Support a Prison Ministry. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us:

Many of you have asked us how to go about starting your own prison ministry (or how to help support one that’s already going). We have put together a short list of suggestions to help you:

You see, dear reader, there’s more to your Curmudgeon’s blog than just ridiculing creationism. Today we’re bringing you news you can actually use. We know you want to jump right into this, so let’s not delay. Here we go:

Contact a local prison chaplain to see if he would be willing to receive Chick tracts for the prisoners. You can do this by calling the prison and asking to speak to him or asking for an e-mail where you can contact him. You can also send a letter addressed to the chaplain’s attention.

It’s clear that the “prison ministry” Chick has in mind consists of spreading his comic books around, but that’s okay. Let’s read on:

The prison addresses and phone numbers are listed in your local telephone book, online, or if you know the name of the prison you can call information and they can give you the telephone number.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! The assumption is that those who want to launch a Chick-style comic book ministry need help finding a phone number! The article continues:

Check to see if your church has a prison ministry, find out who is in charge and offer to donate tracts for the prisoners.

Good advice! Here’s more:

If you know of someone that has a family member in prison, ask them if it would be okay if you sent Chick tracts, comics and books to their family member.

Yes — your friends and neighbors should be a great source of prison inmates. The last suggestion is even more interesting:

If you do not know anyone, you can make a donation to the following ministry [contact information omitted]. [He] works with us to provide Chick literature directly to prisoners.

So many wonderful suggestions! If you can’t figure out how to contact a prison, check with your preacher. If that doesn’t get you anywhere, then ask your friends. And if you don’t know anyone, send money to a Chick-approved ministry.

Well, dear reader, there’s no excuse for inaction. Even you can start a Jack Chick comic book prison ministry. What are you waiting for?

Copyright © 2013. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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14 responses to “Jack Chick: How to Start a Prison Ministry

  1. Thanks SC. I believe Chick ‘s claims that he is an expert on imprisoned minds. He is also, I propose, a Curmudgeon Cat 3 creationist,…..falling positively into the mentally ill creationist grouping. I rather like the Curmudgeon creationist categorization system for easily attempting to identify the dominant issues at play when describing or discussing individual creationists. For instance Fiscus of Montana is definitely a Cat 1 (for dominantly ignorant) while Casey is definitively a Type 4 (descriptive term lumping liars together). Its fun, its easy.
    Of course there are permutations. Chick could be described as a Cat 3 with undertones of Curmudgeon Cats 1 and 2 with a definite fruity air and a strong Cat 4(liar) finish. Just sayin’ 🙂
    Either way Chicks the real McCoy….thanks….

  2. doodlebugger says: “I rather like the Curmudgeon creationist categorization system”

    I don’t recall developing that system, but it has potential. I usually classify them as: (a) everyday, walking-around creationists who are usually just ignorant, but occasionally crazy; and (b) the professionals, who are aware of what they’re doing.

  3. Ceteris Paribus

    Cats and Types for Chick’s creationist evangelicals? Any combination or permutation of just the last three words seems redundant enough. But to equalize the playing field, there should also be similar descriptive categories created for the incarcerated perps inmates (damn those repetitive redunancies).

    Take for example my half-cousin Fred who doesn’t even have the distinction of a cell number or orange jumpsuit, but has to make do limping around town with the handicap of an ankle bracelet provided by the Sheriff.

    If Chick’s minions ever learned how to use the internet to log into Fred’s current position coordinates, they might ambush him with sufficient tracts to cause Fred take a notion to figure a way to trade his ankle bracelet for a quiet room at a Supermax.

  4. I think Chick tracts could be very useful in prison. Imagine some inmate who is about to be assaulted in the laundry room (you’ve seen the movie). Rather than allowing himself to be violated, the intended victim can whip out a tract and start preaching. That could be enough to dampen the ardor of his attackers, and they might just walk away in disgust.

  5. I’ve seen Chick tracts. Chick tracts should not be read sober.

  6. Lurker111: “Chick tracts should not be read sober.”

    Or while drunk or in any imaginable state of mind, for that matter.

  7. This is pretty much just a money grab. Reminds of those guys who hang around a busy parking lot with a sign “will work for food”. People don’t have any work for them so they give them a few bucks. No one is going to go through all that work to get Chick tracts into their local prison, they’ll just give them a few bucks.
    As for the underlying premise that people in jail are career criminals that need religion to stop recidivism seems absurd to me and represents a complete ignorance of how and why people end up there.

  8. SC posted “Creationists: Ignorant, Stupid, Insane, or Wicked”
    “Posted on 31-October-2008 | 37 Comments ”
    SC, Its true. I have embellished just a teensy weensy
    bit with regards to your creationist categorization post.
    🙂

  9. It occurs to me that there is one other use for Chick tracts in prison
    and a very helpful one indeed:)

  10. doodlebugger says: “It occurs to me that there is one other use for Chick tracts in prison”

    Lemme guess … uh, fly swatter?

  11. One can anticipate the effect of Jack Chick tracts on the incarcerated — a whole new generation of “Birdbrains of Alcatraz”…

  12. Our Curmudgeon already highlighted this, but it bears repeating:

    Many of you have asked us how to go about starting your own prison ministry …

    Just what does it say about Mr. Chick that he is asked this question often?

  13. Chick is offensive on so many levels.

    To anyone who understand science he is clearly an uneducated buffoon.

    To a person who grew up Catholic, I find the man doubly offensive. In spite of it’s issues the Catholic Church is not a coven of witches and devil worshippers. To think that my parents are seen by Chick as in league with the devil is too much.

    To anyone who isn’t a biggot, the man is just reprehensible.

    Yeah, he’s just the sort of example I want the prison community to be exposed to. Great.. now e can have some self-righteous criminals.

  14. I recently saw an application form for somebody who wanted to visit prisoners. It says right on the form that they are NOT to evangelize.