All the world knows that the theory of intelligent design is very scientific. That’s how it’s promoted by the Discoveroids — described in the Cast of Characters section of our Intro page.
The intellectual who provides the philosophical background for intelligent design is that noted theorist, William A. Dembski, who is best known for his central role in Intelligent Design’s Brief Shining Moment.
More than a year ago, Dembski wrote a Discoveroid blog article about his “design inference,” and we posted about it here: William Dembski’s Design Inference. We found it to be incomprehensible then, and we still do. So we decided to help.
After endless hours of solitary research in the Curmudgeon’s secret, underground la-BOR-a-tory, we have world-shaking news to report. There is no longer any need for a design inference. We proudly announce the development of the Curmudgeon’s DesignDetector™. The diagram above is one of the exhibits attached to our patent application.
We can’t yet disclose the details of how our device operates, but we can tell you that it reliably detects the signature of the intelligent designer — blessed be he! — by using our unique Biological Sensor (hereinafter, “BS”). We have found that the BS component is the most essential element of intelligent design research. Our invention senses quantum fluctuations in the vitalism field (the non-physical essence of all living things), thus allowing it to reliably detect the presence of specified complexity.
In practice, our contraption is very simple to operate. You just plug it into a convenient wall socket (you can see the power cord in our diagram) and then you test the creature in question by stabbing it with the triple prong assembly (the “probe module”) at the base of the device. That’s all you need to do. The Detector then registers the quantity of specified complexity in the creature and it signals a simple “Yes” or “No” to let you know if it’s the product of intelligent design.
So far it’s given us accurate results for every creature we’ve tested. We’re willing to license our invention to the Discoveroids to use in their research — for a modest fee, of course. We think they’ll be interested. Without the Curmudgeon’s DesignDetector™ to provide supporting data for their theory, the Discoveroids don’t have very much to offer, do they?
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