Jack Chick: Creationist Arm Waving

Poor ol’ Jack Chick rarely updates his website these days, but you can still read his creationist comic books online from the links in this post: Creationist Comic Books.

Chick, as you know, is the purveyor extraordinaire of the most mindless, theologically primitive version of raw, young-earth creationism that can be found anywhere. If you haven’t yet seen his comics, you really should. They’re classics — especially Big Daddy?

Chick has just updated his newsletter, Battle Cry. As expected, the latest additions to that majestic repository of creationist lore are low-grade ore, but we came upon one new article that’s funny enough to mention: Up in Arms Over -Arm Evolution. Even the title’s punctuation is strange.

It’s written by Thomas Heinze. He’s a favorite of Chick’s, because his work has appeared there before. The last time we told you about one of his essays was Three Awesome Questions. Let’s waste no more space on introductions. Here are some excerpts from his latest, with bold font added by us:

Evolutionists looked at ape’s arms and compared them to people’s arms. They noticed that the apes’ arms were similar to people’s arms but, in proportion to the body, were longer and stronger.

Fair enough. Compared to the length of our legs, yes, our arms are shorter than an ape’s. What of it? Stick around, you won’t believe what’s coming:

But because they believed the standard evolutionary explanation that people evolved from ape-like ancestors, they listed people at the very top of the evolutionary tree — above apes, in spite of the fact that apes’ arms were longer and stronger than people’s arms! The theory of evolution rules! Don’t let the evidence disarm you!

Egad! The ape’s arms are superior to ours. That means evolution is wrong! Let’s read on:

But what if evolution is a false theory and neither apes nor people came about by evolution? Look at DNA! It is the part of every cell that contains the plans for the whole body. If DNA did not exist, or the plan for arms had not been written into it, neither people nor apes would have arms. Plans for arms are very complex and don’t just pop up out of nowhere. Where did DNA come from, and who wrote the plans that it contains?

Powerful questions! Where did the plans for our arms come from? We continue:

This is easy to answer if you believe God created people, apes, and DNA. It’s hard or impossible to answer for atheists and many other evolutionists. They try to solve nearly every problem about where things came from with “mutations,” random changes to DNA.

Foolish evolutionists! Here’s more:

But since God made the plans in DNA so that they work, random changes cause more damage than progress. Mutations are random changes, a bit like driving your car into a tree. Your car will be changed, but hitting a lot of trees will never invent the first fender or bumper, let alone the first complete automobile or arm

Yeah — mutations are like driving your car into a tree! Moving along:

We agree that random mutations can cause changes to DNA plans, but they can’t invent either DNA, or the plans it contains. They might make arms longer, shorter, or unusable, but random changes can’t invent an arm nor connect it to your shoulder so you can use it. Atheists may hate this statement but can’t refute it: Arms were not formed by damage to DNA.

Makes you think, doesn’t it? Another excerpt:

So where did arms come from? Arms give strong evidence of having been planned by our intelligent Creator. They could not have been slapped together by random movements of atoms, molecules, cells or whatever.

How about it, dear reader? Where did arms come from? Can’t answer, can ya? On with the article:

Evolutionists can’t explain the origin of DNA! I have asked them. The plans that God wrote into DNA work. Random changes to those plans cause more damage than progress. Mutations are an irrational, failed explanation for the origin of arms!

And now we come to the end:

Hey friends! Before you come down too hard on me for insisting that God created arms, try to find a better explanation! Adding natural selection to random mutations will not, by some evolutionary magic, make an irrational explanation intelligent! Evolution claims that natural selection chose the best random changes to the plan in DNA. But if there were no DNA, or no plan for arms in DNA, random changes would never make either DNA or arms. There is no way that selecting the best random changes to no plan at all could make arms! Sorry to throw cold water on your faith in random mutations. Forewarned is forearmed!

Okay, we’re persuaded. But we still can’t figure out why apes have longer and stronger arms than we do. Maybe we’ll get that information in a few months, when Chick updates his website again.

Copyright © 2013. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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24 responses to “Jack Chick: Creationist Arm Waving

  1. He could make a better argument by merely pointing out that if natural selection were true, people with his level of intellect would have gone extinct long ago.

  2. What about the amoeba that has a longer DNA than a human?

  3. SC asks,”Where did arms come from?”

    You know, the intelligent designer is incredibly busy, what with punishing us through hurricanes, earthquakes, terrorism, and the impending cicada emergence. He’s probably using intelligent design interns. Some specialize in arms, others in eyes, yet more in blood clots.

    Or maybe he just shot over to Limbs ‘r’ Us. “Excuse me, do you have any partially evolved appendages? Aisle six? Much obliged.”

  4. If you haven’t seen it yet, our friend Gary Hurd is working on a frame-by-frame take-down of Big Daddy.

  5. So which is it?

    A. He’s an idiot that has no understanding of biology?

    B. He knows he’s making s*** up?

    And if it’s the classic “C. All of the above” what kind of doublethink is going on in his skull?

  6. “Arms give strong evidence of having been planned by our intelligent Creator.”

    All the better to wave one’s hands arguing against evolution? Must have certainly been planned all along by the great designer by gosh.

  7. Tomato Addict says: “Gary Hurd is working on a frame-by-frame take-down of Big Daddy.”

    I fear that it’s too great a challenge.

  8. David says: “Must have certainly been planned all along by the great designer by gosh.”

    Actually, it’s the underarm that exhibits divine design.

  9. Curmudgeon, my appreciation for your efforts increases with every article you post. I could not read the creationist drivel that you do, and do it sober. Just can’t do it.

    So, what libation do you recommend? 😉

  10. Lurker111 asks: “So, what libation do you recommend?”

    Single malt Scotch is best for reading creationist material.

  11. There are 22 frames. I have about 17 pages of text written up to Frame 14. I quit smoking, the fishing is slow, and I have only a few things I’d rather do right now. (Stapling my eyelids is very far down the list).

  12. Gary Hurd, it’s a worthy project. By the way, I always thought the “professor” was a Henry Waxman look-alike.

  13. TomS, that’s the Amoeba dubia, now called the Polychaos dubium. It’s genome is 200 times ours.

  14. Curmy, I second your choice of single malt. My scotch of choice is Glenfiddich.

  15. Such a perfect designer, to give us arms that are prone to carpal tunnel inflammation, bursitis, rotator cuff injuries, and arthritis. You’d think a perfect designer could do a better job. It’s almost like they weren’t designed at all, and are merely the results of *gasp* random mutation and natural selection!!!

  16. The whole truth

    Yeah, “since God made the plans in DNA so that they work”, how can there be such things as “random changes” that “cause more damage than progress”, especially if the alleged designer-creator-god is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, perfect, loving, merciful, blah, blah, blah?

    I also wonder why the alleged designer-creator-god gave some creatures the ability to regrow arms/legs or tails but didn’t give that ability to us ‘specially created in his image’ humans? Even plants can regrow parts.

  17. The “argument” this guy is trying to make is apparently that since apes’ arms are longer and stronger (i.e. “better”?) than human arms, apes are actually superior to us, armwise at least. Hence humans can’t have evolved from ape-like animals! The notion that our respective species are adapted to different survival strategies apparently does not occur to him. Also, modern apes and modern humans have BOTH evolved from their common ancestor: It is not like the apes have been standing still whereas only humans have changed. The argument is possibly one step up from “why are there still monkeys?”, but only one step.

  18. Fauskanger:

    At Panda’s Thumb they are discussing Klinghoffer’s assertions that Darwinian “midgets” cannot comfort those who grieve after terror attacks. I was hoping you would copy your perceptive comments about Norway’s handling of terror attacks over to PT.

  19. Gary,
    I find this image of a student’s test fascinating, but is there any verification that it’s genuine?

  20. The quiz is now up on Snopes. My wife happens to teach 4th grade, and she doesn’t label her quizzes with “4th Grade *Subject* Quiz.” Coincidentally, she also taught 4th grade in SC, ostensibly the source of this quiz. This wasn’t going on in her school, but there were those who, well, you know.

  21. Mark, you write “The quiz is now up on Snopes” but I can’t find it after searching.

  22. I now think the test can be genuine. It seems the original image was taken and uploaded to a Reddit thread by user “puskunk”, who says his friend’s child went to that school, a private school somewhere north of Greer, SC. Puskunk says he took the picture.

  23. Diogenes (if you’re still following this thread), I typed in “science quiz” in the search bar at Snopes. First result should be the quiz in question. It was updated today and has little more info then at Reddit.