You know how these things start — the blaring sirens and flashing lights of our Retard-o-tron™, the blinking letters of the wall display that say WorldNetDaily (WND), and our computer locked onto an article by Ray Comfort, best known for his starring role in Ray Comfort’s “Banana video”.
Beneath WND’s “ATHEISTS ASK” banner we find Comfort’s latest column dealing with questions Comfort claims he receives. It’s titled: How could a man stone his own son?
We’ll skip the first one about the bible’s command to stone a disobedient son to death, but if you care for that sort of thing you can read it for yourself. Here’s the second question, to which we added the bold font, but the bracketed part is in the original:
Ray, you are an idiot. Your opinions on creation have no basis in reality. In order to understand what we are and where we come from we must study every detail of our planet and beyond, not close our minds and [say answers that] were spoon-fed to us by sheep herders that loved slavery and murder.
Not bad. And here’s the great man’s answer, with bold font added by us for emphasis:
Studying every detail of nature shows design and order – from the atom to the universe, and that speaks of an initial cause that is unspeakably intelligent. I believe that was God. An evolutionist or an atheist doesn’t know what it was and usually closes his mind to even the possibility of it being God.
Okaaaay, moving along now, we come to the next question:
Bible quotes aside, Ray: What is your favorite bird, and why?
No, no — he’s not asking what bird you would select to be his symbol — like the loon or the cuckoo. Nor is this about the middle-digit bird that Ray sees displayed in his direction everywhere he goes. The question is about Comfort’s favorite bird. Let’s read what his choice is:
The hummingbird; hands down. I shouldn’t have to say why. Just study one for a moment and see what it does. It makes our most intelligently designed helicopters look like dinosaurs. Hummingbirds hum. They are amazing; and the Maker is infinitely more amazing. He is mind-blowing.
For some reason we were expecting him to choose the dodo. Anyway, here’s one more question and then we’re done:
If I were God, I wouldn’t sentence you to eternal torture just for not worshipping me. What an evil, egomaniacal god you worship.
Well! How does Comfort respond to that? Here ya’ go:
You are minimizing your crimes against God by just speaking of “not worshipping” Him. The truth is that if you die in your sins you will be damned for lust, lying, fornication, stealing, blasphemy, ingratitude, covetousness, idolatry, etc. You don’t realize it but you have a multitude of sins (as we all have).
Wow! But that’s not all. Comfort has more to say on this subject:
Did you know that every single time you have lusted after a woman you have committed adultery as far as God is concerned? Did you know that each time you have done that you are “storing up His wrath”?
Aaaargh!! Your Curmudgeon is doomed! And there’s yet more:
Think of your secret sins that you thought no one knew about. God has seen them. Every one of them. … That’s why you need a Savior.
And then — to our complete amazement — the paragraph ends in mid-sentence with this fragment:
Please, take the time to do the test on
That’s it. That’s how the thing unexpectedly stops. It’s most disturbing, but we shall look on the bright side. It’s a sign that Ray was raptured while he was writing his column. And if that’s what happened, then he’s looking down on us even now.
But wait — we just had a horrible thought: Maybe, as divine punishment for being a lifelong idiot, while Ray was writing the ground beneath him opened up and now he’s — *whisper* — down below. And if he is, perhaps he’s looking up and wondering where he went wrong. He’s got plenty of time to think about it.
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